Here's the story: my boyfriend (now my ex, unfortunately), was diagnosed with cancer this past November. Before he found out, we were broken up. He called me, and wanted to get back together (long story behind that one) because he genuinely missed me and didn't want to be with anyone else, but told me he might have cancer. I told him yes, and that I didn't care if he had cancer or not, I'd get back together with him, because I love him. He was so thrilled.
He was so happy that I was on board, and that I was going to stay with him when he definitively found out he had cancer. I told him I wasn't going anywhere, and he was elated.
Things changed, though, when he started to get chemo. He was on so many different medications, and wasn't himself. His memory was going, he was becoming depressed, disinterested in a lot (which I prepared for, and was something I had seen with family members who had cancer), but was still happy to see me or talk to me whenever we could see one another or talk. He told me never wanted to lose me, and was excited for when I could come over and see him next.
However, he started to get worse from all of the different medications and the depression - both of which I was prepared for. One night, he was really bad and I witnessed it. The next day when I called him, he was a bit loopy and kept repeating, "How is this fair to you? How are we still even together? How is this fair? Fair to you? How is this fair to you at all?" It crushed me, because I loved him. That was how it was fair to me: I loved him, and I still do. I didn't want to be with anyone else, and I still don't. The night after that, he called me and told me he couldn't keep "dragging me through this" and that he has a lot to focus on with getting better. I again was crushed because he was breaking up with me, even after I told him I wasn't going anywhere, that I loved him and that I wanted to be with only him. But I couldn't convince him. His mind was made up. He didn't want me to wait for him even though I told him I would.
We still keep in touch despite being broken up. I made a promise to him that I'd stick around no matter what, especially because I love him. A few conversations of ours, however, have been odd. A week after we broke up, I had questions for him. He told me as the treatment got further and further, he recoiled and "fell out of love" with me, but that it was nothing I did. I'm assuming this was the depression and the effects of the medications. When I asked him if we could get back together when he was better, he said he couldn't answer me because it felt like leading me on, and that he couldn't see that far in the future right now. However, later he told me that he can't wait to visit me, that it "sucks he couldn't be The One" for me, and that he thinks about how things would be if he didn't have to get chemo.
My question: After his treatment ends and he recovers for a while, would it be selfish of me to ask him to give us another shot?
Most Helpful Guy
I have had cancer before. It is somewhat normal. First off I'll tell you why; in our society Cancer is automatically associated with being a burden etc. It is mainly out of fear. He is afraid that you will dump him because he is a burden to you. Secondly, I will tell you the truth about cancer as I have survived Kidney Cancer before. Cancer is in our bodies the day we take a breath in our new life. It remains dormant. The main activator is stress, the more you stress, the more white blood cells reproduce, the more likely it is going to wake up. However, cancer can be dealt with not only through medicine, but through remaining relaxed. So my advice to you is very simple. Don't let him stress. Just give him space and comfort and he will return. Known from experience.1