Basically, my ex and I have been going at it, on and off for over 3 years, broke up after 6 years of misery. Part of it was my fault but since then, worked on my person and fixed whatever I was doing wrong.
Basically, we worked out lots of our problems and have been hanging out for years as friends with benefits, whenever the other is not into a relationship.
Recently, after spending Christmas together, my ex told me she considered coming back but needed time. 3 months later (we saw each other a couple of times meanwhile) she finally decides it's better to go our separate ways.
Basically, she loves me, she told me, she has strong feelings for me. She also has a fear of me going back to my old habits. She does not want our couple to break away and leave our kids with no family. She kept emails of back when I was a jerk and reading those kinda made her choose to not come back. Thing is, its been like that for years, when we spend months apart, even if we don't talk, when we see each other, we are, for some reason, attracted back together.
I really have a deep bond with her, she also feels the same about me. We've known each other for almost 10 years and there's nothing I don't know about her and vice versa.
I can't begin to describe how much I care for this woman, how much I would give for her never to get hurt again, even if she's not with me.
Well, yesterday, she told me that the "final" decision she took is not something she is 100% sure of, that she is not certain it is the best way to go and I know that unless you're 100% sure, better not risk it, I wouldn't want it otherwise anyway.
What sucks is that she believes that infatuation should be permanent, that our love has grown stale. I do not believe that. I believe that love evolves. Of course I am not anxious to see her after a day of work or to hug her and kiss her everywhere. But I do feel a need to see her face, smell her scent, hear her voice. I am a big part of her life too.
We've been a very crappy couple in the past, we wouldn't talk and let things blow out of proportions and then we would fight, yell and hurt each other. Now, it has changed but I think it left big scars.
I'd like to have her come with me see a therapist, I don't think it's something she would do but even if it does not get us back together, it's worth a shot don't you think?
I love this woman. When I am with her, it's as if nothing else is important, I could be the poorest man in the world but with her by my side, I would not care. I know she feels safe with me too. There's nothing we won't tell each other and by not trying I feel like I am letting the woman of my life slip by.
This is pure torture. We're actually on "NC" right now but we do have to communicate once in a while regarding other matter and that's where we get to talk about it.
What to do?