My BF/ex and his hobbies, should I get back to him?

I recently broke up with my boyfriend. We had been together for more than 2yrs. In the past, I was able to tolerate all of his obsessions, may it be origami or xbox. I understand that I can't always have him all to myself but we had never been together alone for the past 4 months already. He mostly spends his time on Legos; especially during the weekends when he has all the time to do research on Lego models and where he could purchase it. I really feel that his obsession has gotten the best of us, so I decided to just end the relationship. I really love him and I'm beginning to doubt my decision. Recently, I found out that he is still hooked on Legos and spends lots of money on his purchases. I could still remember that he couldn't take me on dates due to his finances. I want him back but I feel that it won't take long for me to think about breaking up with him again. Please help.
Updates:
Thanks for the advice guys. I still haven't heard anything from him and I'm beginning to care less every day. I just have to ask him to take off my photo as his profile picture, then let's see If I would still get hurt if he does that (haha!). It really must be the good days I had with him that drives me to want him back. And maybe because partly it's nice to know that you have someone special in your life, even if that someone takes you for granted. I'll keep all your advice in mind. :)

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Everyone has there hobby but a grown man having such an obsession with legos sounds a bit odd to me. I've never heard of that before.

    I'm feel that everyone needs to their time to participate in their hobby, whether that's playing guitar, playing xbox, working on cars, etc. But you do seem to understand this since you mentioned you realized you can't have him to yourself every second of every day.

    However, when a hobby really starts to take away too much time from a relationship, that's when it becomes an issue.

    I used to be really into world of warcraft (yeah I know nerdy as hell). No I'm not some 500lb nerd, I just enjoyed the game and was good at it. I got pretty serious and was on a competitive guild (team). As a result, like the thousands of other competitive guilds, we had to schedule a couple days a week to play for 3 hours at a time. I held a steady Girlfriend during all of this. She knew this was my hobby and she knew when it occurred and that's when she did her personal stuff like hung out with her girl friends. However, when it was over, I made sure that I put the game down and spent time with her. Weekends were always free and that was our main time to spend together.

    It's really all about just being mature and managing your time between multiple endeavors just as you would with work and family. Gotta know when to cut yourself off and say its time to do this other thing, even if that other thing isn't really a thing but more a person whom you need to spend time with.

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    • in order to correct it.

    • Basically what I'm trying to tell is you is not to make the same mistake that the majority of people do. Don't be with someone solely for the sake of curbing those feelings of loneliness. Be with someone because you truly feel they are a good match. Choose loneliness, over dysfunction.

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What Guys Said 8

  • I've never had a hobby that has ever stood in the way of friends or family, I love legos like crazy, but I limit myself to one or 2 Starwars ones a year at Christmas under $40. There is a limit to the time givin to a hobby that it becomes an obsession, and if it was able to keep him away from a great girl like you he is just missing out. Good luck out there.

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    • I don't have anything against his hobbies. I would just like to feel that he is crazy for me as he is crazy for Legos, haha! I'll get over this in time. Thanks! :)

  • So sad,he prefers Legos to a warm woman. Has he had a lot of bad experiences with you, or with other women?

    But for whatever reasoh,he can relate to them better than he can to you:?

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    • I'm his 7th GF, he's my 1st. I'm not sure what happened to his previous relationships (I don't even know all of the names of his ex's). He didn't want to discuss as I might get bothered by it.

    • it sounds like they all ran away when they figured outhoe was obsessive like this!

    • I was shocked when I found out that I'm his 7th. I wondered how a girl could leave someone so sweet and loyal. We've together for more than 2 years and I never saw him looked or flirted with another girl. I'm the longest relationship he had. His pasts only lasted for months.

  • Agreed with Aercz on this one. If you can learn to enjoy his hobbies (although that may be hard with legos...) then you can probably make the relationship work out.

    Did he say he was willing to change before you ended things?

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    • I did that with his origami obsession, I know now how to make cranes, frogs, flowers, and whatever you may think of out of paper. Paper is cheap. Lego is just too expensive for my taste, though I did consider giving him one last Valentine's Day.

      I tried to break up with him twice last February but he didn't want to let me go. He said he'll do what I want. I told him that all I need is him, his time and attention. Nothing much has changed after those 2 break up attempts.

  • I think the fact that he can't afford to take you out on dates due to his hobby purchases says it all. There's nothing wrong with having a hobby, but when it comes to the point where you rather spend time on your hobbies than your woman then that it becomes an addiction and obsession.

    As much as it hurts you to leave him, I can honestly say that I think you did the right thing. Perhaps the doubt you have is missing him, because you're still grieving and that's normal when you have such an emotional loss. I really think you made the ONLY decision you can make only it took you a little longer because it's evident he made that decision a long time ago when he chose his hobbies over you.

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    • I know that I will miss him when I made my decision that's why I told him that I still want us to be friends. Up to this point, he still refuses to talk to me. I've already made attempts of talking to him but he doesn't want to. I broke up with him through SMS because I know that he could easily change my mind if I break up with him in person (like what he had done previously). I want us to talk about this because we can't just throw away a 2-yr relationship through a breakup text.

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    • That is what I really need. Since we are still not talking up to this point, I have no idea of his thoughts on this breakup thing. I changed my status in FB the night I broke up with him 2 weeks ago (just to be firm that I really wanted the relationship to be over). He just changed his status last week. I sent him an SMS hoping that I would get a response, when I didn't, I changed my profile pic from the 2 of us to just me. He still have my face as a profile pic as of today.

    • I think you need to give him time to get past the fact that it's over. Ask that your picture be taken off his Facebook page and try to find out how he is doing (without sounding overly concerned) Try to give him reassurance that everything is for the best and that he will be okay in time. Best way to do that is to let him know that it's effecting you too, but you felt it to be necessary since your lives were going in two different directions.

  • sounds to me like he is stuck in his childhood. perhaps an event occurred when he was younger that has stunted his mental development but... I play video games (maybe 3 hrs a week), I like board games. But none of my hobbies pre-occupy my time or cause stress on my relationships or finances. It seems to me that he is mentally stuck in adolescence

    As for your desire to get back together with him. From what you descibed you are frustrated at the amount of time he spends doing his hobbies and frustrated that he would spend so much money on these hobbies...

    So why do you want him back?

    Are you sure you just aren't lonely?

    Or

    Perhaps those hobbies weren't as bad as you made them out to be. I guess from my perspective I don't see why you'd want him back basd on your description unless you are just lonely

    I'm not trying to be rude but I guess I don't quite understand the conundrum based on your description of the scenario

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    • He was not at all like this when we started our relationship and I could pretty much tolerate his past hobbies. It is just this time that I feel that I've had enough. I kept on thinking how things used to be that's why I am having second thoughts about my decision.

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    • I've been nostalgic for the past 4 months that we haven't been together alone. I kept on reading his old text messages whenever I felt alone, kind of made me feel that the old guy I fell in love with is still in him. I already erased those so I have nothing to remember him by, but of course memories would always stick to your thoughts.

    • yeah it's hard. I've had girls cheat on me and still in weaker moments sometimes felt like oh maybe I should give them a call... as time goes on though it will be easier to move on

  • If you want to go back and let your relationship be a success, take part in his hobbies.

    Start learning about Legos with him, and share his passion.

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    • I'm all in to his interests. I even encouraged him to join a contest on Lego building. It was painful for me to do that because it's like encouraging him to spend more time with his Legos. I know I can't be totally mad at him for his hobbies. It's just that it hurts me (my ego specially) to think that he's enjoying more when he is with his Legos than with me.

    • Joining in being idiotic? And obsessive?

  • He sounds quite obsessed with his hobbies...a little TOO much. Kinda addictive or OCD-ish. Even Sheldon-like (Big Bang Theory reference)...

    Does he still remember he had a girlfriend? If he blew all his money on hobbies and barely have any left for you...then that's a problem... If he values his obsessions/hobbies/etc over his personal relationships whether if its friends, you, family, then there's a serious issue whether he's doing it as a coping mechanism, immaturity, addiction, ocd, autism, etc.

    Don't look back or get back together with him. IMO, from what you said...something doesn't seem/ right at all with him. It's best that you find a new boyfriend that puts you first over his obsessions.

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    • He did admit in the past the he feels he has OCD. I asked him where he would put me in his list of priorities. He just said that I shouldn't be put on a list because I'm different. I didn't exactly know what he meant by that but he looks so sad when he said so I didn't push it.

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    • He did tell me that it was the girls who broke up with him. He never cheated on any of those girls, and I'm confident that he will never cheat on me. It is just his hobbies that gets to me. As soon as he's engaged to a hobby it seems that he forgets the people around him. He is sweet and he kept on reassuring me that he loves me. It's the way of his showing his love for me that I can't accept. He makes sure that I KNOW that he loves me but doesn't make the effort of making me FEEL his love.

    • hmm...interesting. And yet you can't let go and conflicted. I think it's because this is your first boyfriend so there's that deep attachment. From what I can piece together and his obsessive nature, I don't think you'll ever feel his love though. He will show you by saying things but like you said...you just can't accept it because it doesn't feel 'real'. There's that emotional aspect and connection that you need but it's never there because you just don't spend enough real quality time together?

  • move on

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What Girls Said 2

  • I may be off-base here, but judging from a few things you said, I wonder if he has a history of mental disability? These kinds of ongoing, intense obsessions can be an indicator that he has an underlying disorder, especially if they are interfering with his relationships with other people. If you know that this isn't true- and he's a normal guy who just happens to really like his hobbies- then I apologize. Either way, I think you should spend some time thinking about the reasons why you want to go back to him. You may care about him and have feelings for him, but that doesn't mean you guys can work as a couple.

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    • Oh my god! I totally agree with you! I told him that I want us to be friends, it has been almost 2 weeks now and he is still not talking to me. I don't want him to be totally mad at me so I said that we could talk when he's ready.

    • I don't think he has mental disability. But I do get your point. He just got so caught up with his recent obsession that he didn't realize that he's neglecting me.. which is sad.

  • In my opinion it would be stupid to go back with him if your just going to break up with him again and going into it again knowing there is a great posibility that you will break up with him again is selfish kinda and not fair to him and a very stupid thing to do

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