I'm not here to lecture women on why they should make a move. I'm asking the question itself.
What is it that makes women feel they shouldn't make a move, or that a man should do it?
Social influences, gender roles? I don't hear much from guys saying what women shouldn't do, so I doubt it's coming from us. Other women, perhaps?
Most Helpful Girl
First of all, love the question! So interesting. It actually took me a while to figure out my answer. Knee-jerk is to say fear of rejection, and Anon made a very good argument that it makes a girl look cheap, which I think is also a good reason. But, ultimately, for me there's a whole other reason, and I don't think I'm alone in this.
It's simply not as fun, not as interesting or exciting! I've pursued, sometimes I've succeeded, sometimes I haven't, but every time I felt similarly. I felt proud, strong, brave, independent. In control. A lioness-on-a-hunt-kind of feeling. And succeeding feels like.. well, succeeding. All of them are nice feelings, but not all that different from the feeling I get when fighting for a new job or moving to a new place. No erotic and/or tender excitement over the whole thing other than the general "omg, my crush is so hot"-tingles.
But when I am pursued, oh mama. When you see him, the excitement, what is he thinking? Is he going to do something? OMG, he's coming over! You're free to react, to feel all that bubbling excitement, while when you're pursuing you're trying to figure out stuff, analysing, thinking. Empowering stuff, but not as fun. Not exciting. Nervous, but not the good nervous of "he's coming over and I can't quite find my breath", but the unpleasant nervous of "need to do something, what to do, what to do?"
Longer text than I was going for, but I guess this was a bit harder for me to explain since I hadn't quite figured it out. But in essence, the work of pursuing leaves little time for feeling excited and happy and in love.1