I'm about to dump him. Need a last outlook on our situation

Following this post, I'm about to leave my 1+ year boyfriend. link

To make a story short, last night I was really tired. I wished to go to bed early but didn't because my boyfriend asked me to stay up and wait for him to come to my place to have sex. He ended up getting sh*tfaced and not showing up. My company was traded for beer on a night where my boyfriend had just told me he really wanted to spend some alone time with me. He had texted me to say he'd leave the party in 2 minutes, and didn't do so until hours later. Meanwhile, so to leave my boyfriend and I some privacy once he arrived, I was keeping my brother (flatmate) away - for nothing!

Am I overreacting? What would you do in my situation? So far, I replied to his morning emails to basically sum up my perception of last night and why I'm pissed at him about it. I hinted that I might break up, and I confirmed to him that I didn't want to talk to him.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I think it comes down to what you value and tolerate. I dated a few party girls in college, all turned out to be horrible and as a result, I'm very sensitive to issues deriving from partying/drinking and have a minimal tolerance for such issues. As an example, you're dealing with a guy who likes to drink a lot and as a result hasn't been the best partner to you; meaning you value such things as being on time/punctual, being honest, and being a priority in a relationship. All really good things to value, and rightfully so. His actions however do not coincide with these things and as a result you feel lied to and thrown in the backseat because of something else he likes to do. I know I would be bothered, but it also depends on how often this has happened in the past year. If he has a habit of doing this to you and it centers around drinking/partying, then you should definitely find another guy. At any rate, have a good, long conversation with this guy and tell him how his actions have made you feel and go from there.

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    THIS IS NOT RELEVANT ANYMORE
    • Agreed. If this is a one-time thing, it would suck, but I would see forgiving him, maybe. But if it's a routine thing? Noooo.

    • Thanks for the BA, hope things worked out :)

    • Yeah I'm still with him. We're making things work :)

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What Guys Said 5

  • "Am I overreacting? "

    Yes, very much so.

    You said in the other link that he was already drunk. And when you left he was going to drink another beer and then leave. He was already drunk. Seriously, what did you expect? Do you really expect a drunk person who you know is going to drink more to be a timely person and show up at an exact time? That's just totally ignoring reality.

    If you don't want to be with someone who drinks, that's fine. But to break up with him for this one incident is ridiculous.

    Don't get me wrong. I'm not making excuses for him. I'm just saying for you to expect differently is not at all realistic. You knew he was drunk and expected him to act like someone sober.

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    • He was "sober" enough to suggest himself that he drink one beer only and join me after. I didn't ask him to. It was his plan, and he was well aware of the circumstances. I only expected him to keep his word, and that's too much to expect? Wow.

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    • Ingrid, I had an alcoholic ex for 18 years. I don't like heavy drinking. But it's just a reality if someone gets drunk they are likely to be irresponsible. Instead of looking at this one incident, you'd be better off looking at a pattern. How much and how often does he drink? Is this an isolated incident or something that happens a lot? If it's just one incident then it's not a big deal. If it happens a lot and causes ongoing friction in the relationship, then you have to decide if it's worth it

    • agree with DanAG ... but I guess it isn't a really big reason for wasting a whole year at least give him a shot to talk and defend himself

  • Why don't you talk to him about it?

    You obviously care about him, don't leave him just because he may have had too much drink.

    Alcohol makes people a little unawares.

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  • Basically you just got to ask yourself one question. do you love him or no? if not then just break up.

    Really you don't need a reason to do it. it just how you really feel about him.

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  • Well you have been with this guy for a year, I skimmed through your last question in the link, basically the guy has some bad prioritizing skills.

    We all make bad mistakes and decisions, he did f***ed up, there is no argument, but that's not a reason to completely end the relationship in my personal opinion, to be angry at him for awhile? Yeah, understandable.

    So in my personal opinion, I think you're just very upset and you have every right to be, but you are overreacting when you're thinking about ending a relationship over it, Its not like he cheated on you or anything major, you both just need to have a talk and work through this.

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  • Well it seems he has little respect for you, you take things more seriously than him, the sex you two have may not be so amazing that he craves it and chooses that over hops and yeast.

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What Girls Said 3

  • Make him work for your attention since he brushed you off for a drink.

    Give yourself some time to cool down as well.

    He was wrong and alcohol should never come between two people but just give yourself a few days to think about it before you dump your boyfriend of at least a year.

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  • No. Dump him! That's highly inconsiderate!

    I stayed with someone once just because we had been together for awhile and people kept telling me I was over reacting to these careless things he kept doing. I stayed and was absolutely miserable every single day until I finally worked up the courage and just did it!

    If he was great you wouldn't have doubts!

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  • I think he did something really crappy standing you up. I would forgive it if it happened once, but I need to see your other question before making a complete judgment.

    Also, if you're contemplating breaking up, I find it usually leads to that. :/

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