Help with extremely jealous girlfriend

So I've been dating my girlfriend for about 5 months we've know each other for about 4 years and she's honestly been the best girlfriend ever(other then the jealousy). Now to the bad part, my girlfriend is the most jealous person I've ever met ever. I can't even mention another girl without her getting jealous. So I do my best to keep her from feeling insecure, I give her plenty of attention and tell her how beautiful she is everyday, I haven't called or texted a girl since we've got together. But despite my efforts she still get very jealous, just last week she got jealous of my English teacher because she talks to my girlfriend about me a lot, so instead if just telling me she got jealous she got mad at me and didn't want to talk to me -_- and there's this one girl I talked to and was about to get with but didn't that she is extremely jealous of, she think this other girl is so much more beautiful then her (and I can ensure you she's not), I haven't spoke to this other girl in 4 years -__- she even gets mad at me when she has dreams about me and other girls -_- I have a pretty high self esteem so I hardly ever get jealous with her, I know about every guy she's slept with and all her ex's and it does bother me a little but I don't let it get in the way of our relationship, I know that before we got together one of her ex boyfriends cheated on her with multiple girls and she let it go on (source of jealousy?) I really care about her and I don't wanna let her go, because when she's not jealous everything is beyond perfect, I just wanna help her with so being insecure.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I know exactly what you're going through. My boyfriend was cheated on by his first with over 50 guys..she sent pictures too o: so he's extremely jealous and insecure of everything. It's really hard, and we fight about it. But if you truly care about her then just work with her. Ask why things make her so jealous. If you're in a public place, pay attention to her, don't let her catch you looking at other girls (that's if you do). Don't make your number one priority her, but make sure she's getting the attention and affection she needs. Personally, I'm extremely jealous too (but that's because I'm 18 and my boyfriend is 22, and he watches videos *wink wink*that make me not feel beautiful and blah blah blah, but I was also put down by my family my whole life) and that could also be her problem. Ask her if family or things from the past (other than her getting cheated on) triggers her being jealous. Memories. Anything like that. Just have regular talks with her, do cute things to show her you care, leave candies or little notes in her purse, locker etc. it could also be your high self esteem, hers could be low so she might think that since you're so "carefree" lets say about certain things, that you want other girls or don't think she's the best. Reassure her that she is the one you want. That's all you really can do. Talk, listen, love and reassure. If this doesn't help you out a little then I'm sorry, but this is what my boyfriend and I have been doing and it's helped. ALOT. goodluck :)

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What Girls Said 9

  • Wow! Was she like this the whole 4 years?, if so then she is chronic. If she is going to be jealous she is never going to be happy. Jealousy keeps a person in negative state of mind. It's destructive and all consuming and not at all a sign of love, rather it's a sign of control.

    You need to talk to her, it's obvious that she has a fear of losing you (she sounds as though she's had quite a history with men that have loved and left her, she probably feels devalued after all those experiences). Importantly, she needs to be able to recognise and handle her fears, she must feel the relationship is vulnerable - and guess what relationships are vulnerable. If you do love this girl and want her to be part of your life then you need to reassure her, this may take several times. Part of that conversation could include if she cared for you what reason does she have to possibly have to want to restrict you from enjoying the company of (platonic) others?

    If you think the relationship with this person is worth it, then good luck

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  • Unfortunately I’m a lot like her. Consider her past, see if there have been any guys who have let her down. Talk to her about it. Be patient, and realize that she is worth it. Possibly consider couples therapy. Does she ask you if you think other girls are attractive?

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  • Personally I would dump someone if they acted like that. They might be the nicest person in the world but jealousy is a total deal breaker for me.

    But if you're intent on making it work you should get her to see a counselor. I mean the behavior you're describing its just beyond normal and look, to be honest, it sounds more pathological than anything to do with self-esteem.

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  • I've been cheated on so I'm a very jealous girlfriend. She has probably been hurt in the past so she is acting like this. A jealous girlfriend is a loyal girlfriend. She doesn't want to lose you and in my opinion, you should dump someone for that. Tell her that she has nothing to worry about and that it's making you upset that she's acting this way.

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  • She might be really really insecure so you need to halve a talk to her about her insecurities and reasure her that you really care about her and I would buy her flowers before having this talk. If this continues she probably needs proffesional help and then it is up to you to decide if this relationship is worth the trouble

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  • Leave her, she doesn't trust you much. Its not healthy to stay with that kind of person.

    I had a boyfriend who is very similar to your girlfriend, and his jealousy destroyed our relationship

    Jealousy is the root of all evil. You deserve a better girl who would understand you. You need a partner with a high self-esteem.

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  • I would advise you to talk to her about her jealousy. A little bit of jealousy in a relationship is good (it shows you care), but that much seems extreme. You should assure her that you love her, don't see any other girls when you are with her, etc. Keep reminding her of how beautiful she is. Personally I am a lot like your girlfriend, very very jealous; I find it helpful when people spend one on one time with me, use words like love, best, etc, and try avoid talking about how much you like what so and so does (although it does sound like you've been doing a very good job of that so far). Anyways I wish you luck.

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  • I wish I had an answer foryou Hun, I'm sort of the same way, although I don't think to the extreme of your girlfriend. You are the exact opposite of her, you have high self esteem and she has low self esteem and insecure tendencies. That's what jealousy is all about , really. All you can do is just keep in being a good boyfriend and let her know how much you love her and that you would never cheat on her and how she is the only woman in the world to you.

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  • ignore the behavior and try to change the subject, but if she can't trust you then you should consider ending it.

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What Guys Said 3

  • If she is as perfect as you describe (despite the jealousy) then hold onto her and work with her to change that jealousy. It sounds like what your doing though is good and I would keep it up, you have to watch where you step though when around her or else you know what happens. Over time however I believe that things will get better, she will trust you a lot more, grow less jealous because she knows that you have feelings for her and only want her. Assuring her that you would never hurt her, cheat on her, leave her, etc..would be a good thing to mention from time to time. it seems like that's just what she needs to hear at the moment because I guarantee you your probably right about the source of her jealousy coming from being cheated on.

    But I noticed your 18, how old is she to of slept with several guys already?

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    • We're both 18, that's just the way it is around here, I know 17yr old girls that already slept with 19 guys, I actually got pretty damn lucky with my girl.

    • And I thought 4 for 22 years was bad. Yes you are lucky

    • hmm..gross

  • She will only learn a lesson by leaving her.

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  • Simply continue reassuring her, and always spend time with her.

    That's the only way to help her get over her past and start giving you space.

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