How do I deal with my boyfriend's grumpiness and distant behavior?

Last Friday I hung out with my boyfriend. Since Friday night things feel different. I feel like I did something wrong. My boyfriend is usually really nice and loving. He acts lovey dovey towards me as well. He calls me and texts me a lot. But after Friday when he left my house & went back home he's been acting different towards me.

When I saw him on Friday he seemed fine. We chilled at my place & when we had sex everything felt fine too. He seemed like himself. But Friday night I tried calling him several times. He didn't answer or call me back. Finally on Wed he picked up. I asked him what was going on & he said his phone was broken. Even if his phone was messed up I still felt like something else was bothering him.

The next couple of days we got into a argument about something but we cleared things up and made up. But he still seemed like something was wrong after that. I kept asking him if he was upset about something or if something was going on with him and he tells me no everything is fine. But I feel like something is going on. He just doesn't seem like himself.

I know that he has issues at home sometimes with his parents and he did tell me about a week ago that his dad got laid off and how he had to find a job etc etc. But I don't know if that has anything to do with why he seems distant. He doesn't answer the phone or call me back hardly all week and he just seem grumpy. If he is having issues I feel like he should tell me since we're a couple & we go through the tough times together. He usually does tell me when something is wrong. But sometimes it takes him some time to come to me and tell me.

It makes me feel bad because I ask what's wrong but he just says nothing. But I can feel that something is wrong. I feel like I did something wrong or I'm irritating him or something because I feel avoided & ignored since he doesn't call back or pick up. I don't know if he's mad at me or what. It just seems like all this week he doesn't want to talk to me.

I am concerned for him and I hope he is OK but I'm starting to feel ignored and avoided. Its starting to make me upset and kind of pushing me away. You can't make a person tell you what's wrong so I don't know what to do.

Should I just leave him alone and stop texting him and calling him? Should I wait for him to call me? And when he does call me what should I say or how should I react? Now that I'm upset the next time he calls me or texts me it makes me want to ignore him. So then he can know how it feels. Would it be OK to ignore him for a few days after he contacts me?

People say that isn't a mature way to handle things but at the moment my feelings are hurt and I don't think I'm ready to talk to him yet. After all my rejected phone calls & texts I don't think I will be ready to talk just because he's ready to talk. It will be great when he's feeling better & I'll be happy for him but that doesn't mean I will feel better. It's not just about him or me but its about both of our feelings.


Most Helpful Girl

  • I think you're doing really well with this situation. I mean, you're trying to figure it out, you're trying to talk to him about it, you can sense that something's wrong, he claims his phone is broken, but you know there's something else going on there.

    If I were you, I would give it a few days before calling him back. If he's not picking up, he probably needs some time alone to think about things. I wouldn't take too long to call him back, but maybe just give it a little extra time. I think giving people their space isn't the same as playing games like playing hard to get. It's mature to give people their space.

    It may (probably) have little or nothing to do with you. My best friend hasn't talked to me on the phone for 8 days now, and I was obsessing about whether or not she was mad at me or something. I thought we were gonna go out to get cheap groceries tomorrow, and I kept asking to make sure we were going, and she didn't say anything to me. I was trying to figure out why. Then tonight, finally, she said hey yeah let's get together tomorrow. She's so wrapped up in her own life and it has nothing to do with me. But I spent all this time thinking it was.

    Guys don't tend to think about relationships as much as women. He's probably just really wrapped up in something. If you get together, you'll probably feel much better, but you probably should still tell him in person how you've been feeling because it bothers you when he's ignoring you. Face time tells you so much more about a person than the phone could. And phones do break and not work and get poor reception, so it's hard to jump to conclusions about anything. I would say get together for real face to face time if you want to really know.

    • Thanks I agree. But at this moment its hard to make plans with him to get face time =( =/ he was supposed to tell me if he could come today and I texted him and called him all day asking if he knew if he could come or not. He never picked up or replied. But he was on Facebook and twitter today. It just really hurts my feelings because I feel ignored and avoided. Itext him that it makes me feel sad and upset him acting like this and he doesn't reply to that either.

    • Show All
    • Yes that's true. I need to soothe my own emotions right now and take care of myself. Thank you so much for the advice. I've been really sad about this since last Friday. Now I feel calmer and have a clearer mind.

    • I just had one question though. What did you mean exactly by giving him 2-3 days of no contact do you mean once he contacts me, ignore him for 2-3 days? Or do you mean starting today don't have any contact with him for 2-3 days? And what do I do if he contacts me? Should he still be given space?

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What Guys Said 3

  • the one thing I can say is don't pressure him to talk... that's never helpful. just be really cute around him... cuteness helps everything

  • i'm utterly baffled... I'm sorry :c I wish I could help, but I've only been with one person :/ I'm so sorry... I hope it works itself out... sorry :c

  • Simply leave him.

    Distance yourself, and see for yourself if he'll come around.

    If he don't, then he's already uninterested, and you're better off moving on.


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