Confront boyfriend about texts to his ex girlfriend on his phone? or ignore it?

This is a very long story short...we started out great and fell in love. then his ex texted him saying she wants him back and he realized he's not over her, but at the same time he still loves me...he then promised things were gonna be better and that he wouldn't talk to her again...

couple months later I realize he's acting very weird, less affectionate etc...i ask him if I'm doing anything wrong and he says 'no you're the perfect gf and that he has realized that he is still not over his ex! he misses her and was texting her but he loves me and wants to stay with me and again says he won't talk to her and things will get better...things didn't get better, he doesn't treat me the same way anymore and I miss the old him from the begining of our relationship :(

I needed to know what was going on so regrettingly I snooped his phone and saw that he had a very very very long convo with his exgf and these are some of the texts I read that came from him..."i keep imagining kissing you all over naked making you moan" "i wanna get a little rough with you" "you could be at my house right now" and there's a lot more where that came from...

i love him so much and I don't know why after reading that and it destroys me to read that stuff especially when he made so many promises to me and that he "loves me" and if he didn't wanna be with me he wouldn't be right now...i don't want to lose him but I feel the need to confront him about this...but I just don't want him to know that I snooped his phone because he'll probably turn it on me somehow...please help me, I don't know what to do

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Most Helpful Guy

  • He's told you a couple of times "I'm not over my ex." That's a massive red flag, and so it's not surprising that he's still continued to talk to her.

    As much as it sucks, you should break up with him, and let him go back to her. You never had a chance, because he was never fully unattached emotionally, and essentially, he lied to you from Day one that he WAS emotionally available.

    Learn from this, and never date anyone who has any attachment to ex's, because you will never be able to compete against that. It has nothing to do with you or your value as a person; no one can complete with someone's ex that they still have feelings for.

    Go find a guy who is truly unattached, who will value you and appreciate you and that you can TRUST, because you'll never have trust in your current relationship. He broke that many times already, and he obviously won't change.

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    • You and se1kan both make a valid point and I thank you for that. Any idea why he hasn't broken up with me yet? Do you think it would be because he wants the best of both worlds or just being afraid? He says he wants to be with me but all that sh*t is just confusing and making it very hard to believe. I told him that we need to talk but when we do I have no idea where to start.

    • I think his feelings are still mostly with her, but he's probably not sure if their relationship would work out. Meanwhile, he gets along with you great, and finds you attractive, but isn't willing to give you his whole heart and mind. That's not fair to you, and yes, he's trying to straddle the line until he knows if he can work it out with her; you're his safety net.

      Don't accept that. You don't deserve to be someone's second choice; the world is full of guys who would put you first.

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What Guys Said 2

  • Im sorry to hear that. I caught my ex sending similar things to her ex and she broke up with me and went back out with him. I'm not saying the same will happen to you. I also confronted her about this and I was made out the bad guy because I didn't trust her and blah blah bs bs bs and she made it like she was right all along in sending the texts because I was the one snooping. The thing is that he did the same thing to her after and she confronted him about it and now they broke up too. Its a very very bad sign. Only you know what you have to do. Not necessarily now, but imo end it before YOU get hurt.

    Trust is EVERYTHING in a relationship

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  • Simply leave him.

    It's clear that he's losing attraction and interest into you.

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