Help: Ex put up strong walls against me!

My ex and I were really close friends and co-workers, and he had a crush on me. He said he thought about me all the time, and had to ask me out. After dating for 9 months, he broke up with me. He said he's too young (23 y/o), and got scared because he knew this was only heading towards permenant commitment, which he wasn't ready for.

There was nothing wrong with our relationship. And the more I think about it, the more I think we do fit together. And part of me always wonders, how he could walk away from me? Like how he could he not want me anymore? Don't most guys want a cute and sweet and smart girl to hold at night and that takes care of them?

At first, after the break up, he was still very much in love. But in the last few months, he told me he is totally over it, and can be friends if I want to be. He doesn't understand how I can still have feelings. Because we had to work closely after the break up, I never had a chance to go no contact, and let him miss me.

Seems like he has built up a VERY strong wall against me, and nothing I do ever for the rest of my life can break that wall down. What can I do?


Most Helpful Guy

  • I know how you feel. Me and My ex broke up a few weeks ago because she felt she had to let me go and she didn't want me to ruin my life for her. She already had her BA, and I still had 5 years of school left to get my doctorate. She didn't want me to base where I went to school on her, didn't want to be responsible for me staying for her. Our relationship was awesome we got along on all levels, great sex, and hung out all the time. But it got to serious for her and she said she was afraid because she could see no end to us only a future... I guess it scares some people.


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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 2

  • You have to let go of him. There will be someone else for you. As you said, you're cute, sweet and smart ;)

  • I know it hurts when someone does this, but really all you can do is give up on him, and find someone new. He doesn't want a long term commitment and you do. You are unfortunately incompatible.


What Girls Said 1

  • You walk away from the wall; in the opposite direction, where there is no wall blocking your path and people appreciate your company.

    I know it's easier said than done, but sometimes in life we will find that people don't or no longer care about us. Move on and find your happiness.

    • Thank you :):) this really helped. Somedays I just feel so frustrated because I know how well we got along, and how he freaked out and threw it away. I still have thoughts of bringing up getting back together with him. But I know that is a bad idea for sure. I just have to breathe deep to get past the frustration and anger, and move on :)

    • I know it can be hard. With my most recent ex I often was convinced there was a future for us, even though everyone told me to move on. I couldn't move on until I was ready though. Now in hindsight I realize that the only person who was stoping me from moving on and being happy was myself. There's no point in hanging on to someone who has left you behind.

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