Most Helpful Girl
I think part of your problem is that you are thinking about what COULD have been,what SHOULD have been,rather than what IS.
When you perpetually replay the incident in your mind,irrational and illogical thoughts have room to fester,and suddenly your MIND becomes your worst enemy.
Mental Health is equally as important as physical health.I would recommend going to a therapist to help you move through you many thoughts and emotions.
Taking the time to talk to someone is extremely helpful regardless of how taboo it may seem.And if you can't see a therapist,then talk to someone you can trust. Your mind is powerful,but now that you have acknowledged your feelings,you can work to rectify it.Good luck.