Is she scared of something serious or does she just consider me a close friend?

I dated this girl for over a month (mid 20s). At first, she said she didn't wasn't looking for a relationship and that her last one ended really badly. Despite this, we got to know one another and liked each other at one point. We grew affectionate with one another (linking arms, some hand holding, her resting her head on my shoulder, her telling her folks & friends about me, etc.) At one point, we kissed but she still claimed afterward that she wasn't feeling a "spark" still. We had an argument and everything ended thereafter (friendship included). A week later we patch things up and seemingly are close again. We spent the weekend watching tv, cooking, etc. Eventually, I head out because I am exhausted and she is near asleep. She tells me to let her know once I get home. When I do so, she texts back saying thank you for everything and that she was hoping I would stay with her overnight. I knocked out and didn't see the text until the next morning. By that time, she sent another text saying she wants to take back what she said because she was "half asleep". I don't buy it, I figure she's retracting the statement because of the fact I didn't reply sooner. Anyhow, she hits me up now and wants us to spend the night together. She even asks if I still have feelings for her and I tell her yes. Yet, she then tells me she doesn't want to lead me on. afterward, she tells me that the important thing to her is our friendship. I asked her about the sleepover today and she says it's crossed her mind at times but she feels it's not the best idea Because she doesn't want to "magnify my feelings". She says feelings complicates things in a negative way. She says that she is a clam and at times will open up and relax even tho she is closed in her natural state. She said if she does something, she wouldn't be comfortable with the idea later...then she tells me that she is complicated and doesn't want to hurt me. Thoughts on what she's thinking? Why would she want to spend the night together if "we're just friends"? Does she actually like me? Thanks!


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Most Helpful Girl

  • You are in a funny limbo type place. She likes you I assure you of that her heart might just be too raw to go in with you whole heartedly. I did similar things to my current Boyfriend because I wasn't ready to be committed to a person the way he deserved. Luckily for me he waited, it was likely one of the hardest things he did but he tells me I was worth it. It took 6 years for me to come around, so you need to decide whether or not it's worth it to be supportive and there for her for as long as it takes her to come around. If it's not move on, but if you think she is the woman you want to build a life with then stick it out. It will hurt everyday and she will push you away and pull you back all the time but if it's meant to be it will happen, just maybe not in the time frame you would like.

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    THIS IS NOT RELEVANT ANYMORE
    • I would hope what you said is true but the only piece of the puzzle that doesn't fit is why would she have went out with that guy if she likes me?

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What Girls Said 5

  • Wow Complicated...in a similar situation myself. It sounds like she cares and wants to be with you but that she doesn't want to lose you as a friend in-case it goes wrong and ends badly.

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  • It sounds to me like you are her back up plan for when she feels lonely and wants a male around

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  • Why are you posting the same question under 2 different names?

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  • If you dated this girl for a month, you were never in the friend zone and aren't in it now.

    Does that mean you should wait it out with this girl? Personally I think you should move on. She's being wishy washy and that's not fair to your feelings.

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    • if I'm not in the friend zone then where am i? I figured I was since she went out with another guy last week (which was a major crash & burn)

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    • Thank you. I really do appreciate your insight and great advice and I will follow it. I wish you nothing but the best!

    • No problem at all! Thank you and I wish the best to you, as well.

  • Awe I know how this feels. I think anyways. It sounds like she likes you but is scared if things don't work out it will ruin things because she doesn't want to loose you. I'm kind of on this situation, but I am a girl. And I can't tell if the guy actually likes me.. Boo, but I truthfully believe she likes you and you should let her know.

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What Guys Said 5

  • I'm sorry to say its game over. WizeGuy2350 pretty much sums it up. If you want to leave with no regrets give her an ultimatum. Tell her how you feel and and that you can't wait forever. If she tells you that she is not interested in you that way move on. If you value her friendship keep her as a friend but look elsewhere for a relationship.

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  • dont waste your time. settle it right now and tell her you can't do couple stuff. limit your affection to her. just being friend. Shows her that you need a relationship and you need to be busy to find other girl. you are the one who will get hurt and put you in not good situation

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  • Short answer:
    You need to move on if you want to avoid additional heartache and frustration.

    Long answer:
    The first time she said she wasn't looking for a relationship, you should have tossed her phone number and moved on. (What she meant was that she wasn't looking for a relationship WITH YOU.) Later, when she said she wasn't feeling a "spark," even after she kissed you, that meant you were dead in the water. Her subsequent hot-and-cold behavior is indicative of low interest. When she called herself "complicated," she was feeding you a line. Women who have strong feelings for their men don't act "complicated." Their behavior is very consistent. An extremely interested woman doesn't exhibit the behavior you're describing here. You deserve better.

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  • Same situation as me with a girl. We like genuinely like each other, but at the end of the day she still needs time to figure herself out and completely heal first. The effects of the bad relationship in the past still affect her. You didn't mention how long it has been for her to recover, but perhaps if it is still rather fresh, she isn't completely over him (even though it was "bad" relationship). Give her time to figure out what she wants, and don't commit yourself too much otherwise you'll end up like me, crushed and hurt. Confused girls are confused.

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    • she still hasn't recovered clearly and that 'bad' relationship ended about 5 years ago

    • 5 years is a long time. If she is still having cold feet or insecurities after that long I'd be very shocked. It's true that maybe the hurt never goes away, but that isn't a fresh incident. It's possible she just isn't that into/sure about you and doesn't want to lead you on, as you said

  • Hello.

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