How do you get your significant other to stop talking to their ex?

this is really pissing me off, and if she can't stop talking to this dude (who happens to be my best friend) I'm just not gonna be in a relationship with her

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Most Helpful Guy

  • I broke up with a girl who had a similar issue. Even though she didn't talk to her ex she would talk about him constantly and it was the same stories. I broke up with her because of this and other reasons. I tried kindly asking if she had been scarred from the ex and she denied it, yet will continue to talk about him forever.

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What Girls Said 8

  • I'd just end it if she's not over him. She can't control her feelings and she's not gonna shut them off because you told her to. It's just the way it is sometimes. I dated someone and I found he wasn't over his ex the whole time. He made it sound like his ex was harassing him, but really he was of inviting her to talk to him by responding to her texts and taking her calls. Not worth it unless you're into open relationships.

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    • YES THATS THE WAY I FEEL! I was like if you hate him so much why do you respond to his texts and she would say bullsh*t things like I'm a civilized person, man that gets me so mad, ill give it another couple months and if she still talks to him then I'm breaking it off

  • I've been in this situation and honestly I think if they can't leave the past in the past then how are they to move on with you? Why keep an ex nearby at arm's reach when they have you? I'd almost walk away from the situation entirely before someone gets hurt, which is most likely going to be you.

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  • You should talk to her about it. Tell her it makes you uncomfortable and it makes you think that she isn't over him. And if she isn't over him that you don't want to be in a relationship with her. Kindly tell her that the two of you are dating now, and what ever happened between her and her ex, needs to stay in the past.

    IF she can't understand that and continues to talk about her ex, then she doesn't respect you and she isn't over him.

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    • oh I know she isn't over him, I've told her like 100 times I don't like her texting him yet she still does it, I don't know what to do

    • IT doesn't sound like a good foundation to have in a relationship. You can either accept that he'll always be in the picture, or you can break things off and find someone who's focus will be on you. Good luck to you!

  • If her ex is your best friend, then things are already a little complicated. Aren't you going to WANT your girlfriend and your best friend to get along to a certain extent? It seems like if you are going to be really sensitive about communication between them, dating her probably wasn't a smart choice to begin with. After all, it is more complicated and stressful for everyone involved, probably including your friend. You can't necessarily enter into such a relationship with a super possessive mindset.

    However, you can always discuss the situation with her to see what she is willing to do. Maybe you can reach a compromise. But if you can't, and it's not something you can accept, then you will have to move on.

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    • she said "im not the boss of her and I can't tell her who and who not to talk to" blah blah blah and was like "what are you afraid of? I'm not gonna cheat on you"

    • Well, it's true, you CAN'T tell her who she can and can't talk to. You can't approach it that way. You can't expect her to do what you want just because you want it. But if you both care about each other, then you should be able to communicate with each other thoroughly. Tell each other how you feel and talk until you come to a conclusion one way or another. Don't just exchange two sentences and leave it at that, that is not a conversation.

  • Tell her that you are uncomfortable with it and that you would appreciate it if she didn't talk to him so much, that it hurts your feelings. She would probably feel hurt if you were talking about your ex all the time. Ask her this by putting her in your shoes type of example. In a kind way of course, not yelling.

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    • i already did this and we have fought over it many times now, pretty much what I'm asking is how can I get her to forget about him completely?

    • To be honest. If she hasn't made attempts to fix this, she is choosing having a guy friend being more important than having a boyfriend. If it is a constant fight, then I feel you need to leave the situation. People don't just forget someone because you do something nice for them or etc. She will forget him completely only if she wants to forget him completely. Realize that the only control over this situation you have is expressing how you feel or not settling and leave. I'm sorry.

  • Have you talked to her about it? Let her know how upset it makes you without excusing her of anything? If you have and she still won't quit, then yes, break up with her. Obviously she still has some feelings for him and you shouldn't be in a relationship if it doesn't make you fell good and happy.

    Btw, if he's your best friend, what if you ask him to stop talking to her?

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    • i already asked him and he said she is the one who always texts him first, I know its a lot of bullsh*t drama that I don't like, I just want her to forget about him already

    • So what if she texts him first? He doesn't have to respond. Anyways, you can't just make her forget about him. If she still has feelings for him then there's nothing you can do. I know it sucks :(

      I. Personally think you should break up with her and go find a girl who will actually appreciate you :)

  • Either accept it or move on. As you said below you know she's not over him and you've asked her to stop and she hasn't.

    Why do you want to be with someone who wants to be with someone else ? :(

    Unless they broke up a long time ago in which case it may be nothing. I talk to my ex all the time and wouldn't date him or let him touch me if he was the last person on the planet despite loving him dearly as a friend.

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    • it wasn't more than a few months, I'm gonna give it a little bit more time

  • Talk to her and see why she is still doing it and there is some reason she’s not over him my husband still brings his ex-up from time to time and I give him this look and he said sorry he knows I hate hearing her name but if he’s your best friend he will always be in your life and it will be hard for her to move on

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What Guys Said 1

  • Should've known she was a smut to begin with.

    She got with her bf's best friend, for god sake..

    You didn't think she'd be a good girl just for you did you?

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    • thats a good point bro

    • For sure. Just being honest bro. So next time you can make the right decision. This girl isn't right for you

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