How do I get on friendly terms with my ex?

My ex and I dated for about 3 months and became on and off after the first two. She was always in love with her and ex and I suppose she used me for comfort but I fell for her.

During the entire time, her ex kept coming up waaaaaay too often and we used to fight over that a lot and many other things which made me very very frustrated. She was so sad that her ex left her that she had to go on medication to keep her immune system running and I always reminded her to take them and I only had the best interest in mind for her.

But more often than I'd like, It became a little too overwhelming and I didn't want her to go through anything more than she was already facing so I'd often resort to confiding in two girls about my problems and all that pent up frustration which really helped me out a lot and could treat my then girlfriend much better that way.

But things eventually turned sour and she finally admitted that her feelings for her ex never went away and that she didn't love me but wanted to remain friends because I cared about her and wanted to go back to being best friends which we were before.

Being a hot head, I resorted to name calling and called her a bitch which was probably uncalled for but I was pissed off because she begged me to get back with her just 2 days before she finally ended things and I felt like she got back with me just so that it could be her who broke up with me and not the other way around and for the fact that she offered me the consolation prize.

A couple of weeks later, I thought about it and I felt that I shouldn't ruin any possible form of friendship. When I did try to talk to her though, she was all rude to me and I thought it was predictable because I called her a bitch and was kinda rude myself.

I later got to know that she was rude because I bitched about her to people which I didn't get at first but then realized that one of the two so called friends went and told her that I used to say derrogatory things about her which was never true!

Sure, I might have said things that I thought were unfair to me in the relationship but it was only my way of getting all the frustration out because talking about it helped a lot and it was never my intention to bitch about her.

Now she says she never wants to do anything with me ever again which is understandable but how do I prove to her that I didn't really bitch about her?

My so called friend who I never knew was that untrustworthy is now her best friend. School's over and I have no way of meeting her face to face.

I apologized to her over text, over Facebook ,over the phone, everything.

I'm not over her but I'm only doing this because I don't want her to hate me for no fault of mine.

Do you really think I'm the one at fault? irrespective, how do I fix it?

Sorry for the super long description, incorrect punctuation and grammar.


Most Helpful Guy

  • First of all, unless she has a change of heart I don't see how this will ever resolve to a reconciliation even as platonic friends. I hate to say but part of it is your fault on to accounts. One, you called her names, to which she obviously took some offense to. I understand it was said in the heat of emotions, but quite often what is said in those moments are better left unsaid to begin with and once it's out, you can't take back the action, even if you do recant meaning to say it. Of course then it is up to the person to decide whether or not they choose to believe you and accept your apology. That's the risk of allowing your emotions drive you in the heat of anger.

    The second thing you did was trust the wrong person to vent your frustrations to the wrong people. I know the need to vent your frustrations and concerns is very important and therapeutic, however, so is trust. Trust was broken on two fronts here. It was broken by the person you confided in when they went and made statements regarding your confidence in that person.

    Unfortunately, when that person broke confidentiality with you and told her, they broke your trust and the result was damaging in terms of any type of friendship you may have wanted to maintain with your ex. In regard to what you told this person and what the person told you may even be two different things, which may have even further complicated matters between your ex and yourself.

    Of course by all means I do think it would be best to apologize, but any possibility of reconciliation will be dependent on whether or not she can forgive such indiscretions. I would approach her with a sincere heart, hoping for the best possible outcome and expecting the worst.

    I'm not certain if things will ever mend between the two of you, even to the point of salvaging your relationship, but at least you will have given her your side of the story directly, rendered an apology and cleared you conscience. If she is mature enough, she will realize that your effort would have some meaning now that you're both past the point of anger and hopefully it will be enough to convince her to accept your apology and work on mending the friendship.


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What Girls Said 2

  • It's never just one person's fault. I'm sure you left out details so it wouldn't be fair for me to judge her or you. I guess the best way to answer your question is to tell my story.

    I also had a really bad breakup. My ex and I were in a relationship for about 6 months, but since I rarely saw him it was more like 2 months. We were friends first and we both had never had a relationship before. He was a nice guy so I said yes. It was fun for the first month or so, but the whole time I felt really awkward with him especially when it came to holding hands. We kissed once and it was so strange that I finally admitted I couldn't see him as more than just a friend. I didn't want to do the breaking up so I started ignoring him etc hoping he'll break up with me. Well that didn't work. Eventually we had a fight over text and I couldn't keep stringing him along so I broke things off. It was really emotional and we both ended up crying.

    After we calmed down, we sat down and had a chat. Even though he kept his cool I could tell he was angry since he was asking me questions like "Did you even find me attractive?" In the end we agreed to be friends. But then he got clingy and I tried to hint to him that we needed space. He kept trying to get back with me to a point that I stopped feeling guilty about breaking up with him. He even wrote me a 5 page letter detailing all my "wrongs" etc.

    Then he wanted to have a "chat" again so I agreed. We met and he played the victim card saying how he felt used etc and finally I had enough and walked out. We haven't spoken since than, though he tried.

    In your case, to put it bluntly, she's not interested in being friends with you. Maybe she's still angry or whatever. But you need to move on and leave her alone...let her be the one to contact you (if ever).

    • I won't be ever contacting her ever again.

      I wasn't exactly gung ho about being friends with her, but I just didn't want her to hate me.

      I'm past the point where I wanted even that I've begun the process of moving on quite a bit.

      Thank you for being honest and giving a different view to this. :)

      I appreciate it.

  • Just let it go. It's a whole bunch of drama you don't need in your life. You're her ex now. Her opinion should no longer matter. Just let it go. She's being immature, and frankly, is unstable. Go find a mature, stable girlfriend.


What Guys Said 1

  • No, you're not at fault. You had good reason to complain about the way she treatred you. Sure, it was counterpoductive in some ways to voice complaints that to people who turned around and told her about it..but that doesn't mean everything was your fault.

    The problem isn't you, but rather, tha she and her friends are shallow, self-centered people, and you're better off staying away from all of them.

    Time to start living your own life and not worryabout her. You did what you could..and it wasn't enough.

    Tell yourself that whenveer yu start brooding over what happened with her.


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