How the hell to move on from her, after she used me!

We were together 5 months and CLEARLY now, she just wasn't that into me because:

-I made/initiated dates, sex, etc

-she rarely texted/called

-she found it hard to make me into her schedule

She said recently she lost sexual attraction, and believe me, it is not because I turned into a wimp, but because our convos recently were mainly about how she needs to be a better girlfriend. (make time for me etc)(I communicated my needs in a healthy way, not a needy way, she agreed she needed to be more attentive etc but simply just didn't do anything about it, nor communicate effectively what SHE wanted)(despite us both being 30!)

I did however tell her I wanted more than seeing her only a couple of hours a week, and she knew from the beginning I wanted a serious NOT casual relationship. Now she is saying she's evaluating her life, would rather be friends but if she wants to be in a relationship again, she wants it to be with me.

Clearly she just ain't into it, and is on a 3 year contract in my country so unless we got married it wouldn't have worked anyways.

I am so hurt, I should've seen the signs earlier but gave her the benefit of the doubt, tried to be supportive and understanding and she ended up using me for dates, etc. I feel like I wasted my time and I was an idiot for putting my heart out there when her priorities are obviously different than mine.

How do I move on? I cannot stop thinking of all of the good times, and the potential future I imagined with her, I feel so much pain, please be respectful with your responses, thanks in advance

Broken Hearted


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  • Dude, I feel for you. I've been there and had that happen before.

    The executive summary is this chick is a mess. She'll be doing things the same way until she's in a retirement home. She enjoys thrills, seeing you occasionally was a thrill but she's a hormone junky, that thrill of the first kiss and such is what she lives for, not the steady loving thing that you want. You want something that could be a long term thing, she wants a thrill and nothing more. "If I have a relationship, I want it to be with you" sound suspiciously like what I tell car salesmen after I have a test drive. It means "I'm not looking for the same thing you are but if I change my mind, maybe I'll call you".

    There are a lot of girls out there that are willing to go the distance, who want the marriage and family life. Maybe they don't give you the initial rush that this girl did but a fire that burns for years makes a lot more heat than a firecracker.

    Moving on for a guy sucks. It's not like you dress up in a short dress and go to some club and have 50 chick hit on you, it takes a more effort. Consider something like POF dot com - put up a profile and chat with a few. The route I took was interpals dot net, I ended up with a darling from the Philippine Islands who wanted nothing more than marriage and family. I don't know if you've ever hunted big game, but the patience used in hunting pays off the same way. Figure out what you want, learn where the game is, stalk (don't read the wrong thing into that) carefully, and move like a tiger when you see what you want. Bring flowers on the first date, "celebrate" your first month together, pull no punches. If she responds well then she's on the same wavelength you are, if not then time to look for another opportunity.

    Above all, don't settle for less than what you want. Keep trying until you find someone that wants the same things you do. Sometimes the best thing to do is to quit looking. Find contentment in your own life and often you'll meet the right person without looking. You can't get happiness from anyone - you can only share yours. Life a life that makes you happy and you'll attract someone that wants to share what you have.

    • really, really appreciated the honest sincerity and accuracy, thank you!

    • Saw this answer and its really given me food for thought. I really like "a fire that burns for years makes a lot more heat than a firecracker"

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