My brother and I had a very candid conversation about the state of my dating life. I went out with this younger up and coming photographer. She was very fun, really cool, but also 22 and liked to have a good time several nights a week. We were involved for maybe 2 months, we had some good physical chemistry, she was fun. But it was what it was.
I don’t think that I ever really took her seriously as a potential girlfriend, fiancé, wife. My brother hung out with us on a few occasions and he kind of bluntly stated that I’m kind of an a$$hole (only my brother could get away with saying this to my face lol).
He said the vibe he picked up on when he was around us was that I was very laid back about our whole situation. It was very clear to him that “she was just there”. He said that he could look at her and tell it bothered her. But I thought everything was cool. She was a party girl. I felt I was respectful. There were at 2 situations where we were at parties thrown by her friends and if I really were an a$$hole I could’ve bombed 2 of her friends who came onto me. I was very gentlemanly and did not partake (even though I felt both girls were more my physical type). So, I think I should get credit for that. A lesser man would have taken a bite of the apple. I never even told her that her BFFs tried to make moves because I didn’t want to see her hurt, and really I wasn’t about the drama. So I think that proves I’m not and a$$hole.
I’m a loyal guy. But my brother says that he notices a pattern of behavior with me, where I’m always less invested in the “relationship” or whatever it is I’m involved in with these girls. I wouldn’t have thought so, until recently she kind of let some of her insecurities out of the bag about what our “status” was. Honestly I felt ambushed; we’d been drinking and were in bed. I didn’t think that it was an appropriate time for that kind of discussion. So I told her she was cool people but I was half-way asleep. That was basically the beginning of the end. I felt pressured, and it made me want to talk to other girls. I told her that our time together was our time together, and our time apart was our time apart.
I don’t want to be a lifelong bachelor; I could be dating the wrong girls. It’s entirely possible, but who are the “right” girls? I can’t be with someone I’m not attracted to, but I’m attracted to girls I end up not taking seriously. WTF? It’s not my aim to make women feel as if they are interchangeable, but I’m also strong-willed and won’t bullied into something I’m not 110% sure about. That’s happened once before and almost ended up in what would have been a really bad marriage for me – I would have resented my wife. Honestly, I’m a bit scared to end up in a routine relationship.
I'm sorry that I'm not a sap and I don't WIFE girls after kissing them once in the park or going on a few dates, or having sex a few times. But when I give my word that I'm committed, I really am. I believe that the best things are worth waiting for.
Most Helpful Girl
I don't think you an a**hole.
An a**hole would be someone who tells the girl what she wants to hear to get what he wants...
You meet someone, like them...have fun... don't want something serious with them. And that's okay. If you honest with them, I don't see the problem. Sure, your brother might be right, that it bothered her. But to be honest, that's her problem. She's an adult and just like you, she has to decide what kind of "relationship" she wants. And if it's not what she wants she can end it. Just like you. It's not your responsibility. Your only responsibility is to be honest...
I was always against being with someone just because 'people' say it is right... I don't want to be in a relationship just because it's want people think you have to do not to be an a**hole.
I always thought that when the time and the right person comes along things will happen and fall in place. About the "wrong girls"... I mean yeah, you're choosing the type of person you're with... so maybe you have to really think about the kind of person you could be in a relationship with.
The hardest thing for me is to get to that point where what you want and what you need can finally be the same. But till that happens, have fun... life your life.