I have been in a long distance relationship with my girlfriend for almost 4 years. She joined the navy and I am a full-time engineering student with 2 part time jobs. We were both incredibly busy, yet we still found time to text hundreds of times a day, we Skype about 5-6 hours a day on average (I work from home), and we end every night on the phone together til we both pass out. We wake up and call each other, so that we can "wake up together." She has had clinical depression since before we met, but is too afraid to go to therapy. I have always been trying to support her myself and to keep her happy, but I have always tried to get her to go to therapy as well. She recently started therapy, 2 months ago. I was so proud of her. Things have been absolutely incredible and just last weekend I told my parents that I planned to propose to her in June and that I was looking for a ring.
She just visited and while she was here, she didn't log out of her email. I went to check mine, and it automatically logged into hers and I saw a message from her friend. I did not intentionally go and breach her trust, it was an honest accident that I saw her message. I did read it though.
It turns out that she cheated on me a year ago with him. I told her what I read and she confessed. I am very analytical and I wanted to know everything. I asked her if I could read all of the emails and I questioned her. I tried trick questions. As far as I can tell, when she finally confessed, she answered truthfully.
8 months ago, she was depressed one night and invited this friend over. They had been friends for about 2 years and she was always telling me about how he had new girlfriends. I didn't consider him a threat (he seemed to be an all around jerk) and I trusted her. However, this time, he kissed her. And she said she kissed back. She said he then pinned her down and they had sex. She has serious back problems and was terrified. She was afraid to say no at that point. She said she closed her eyes and waited for him to finish and leave. I remember that about this time she was put on suicide watch on base because her friends had reported her behavior..
I honestly believe this story. I think this is the biggest mistake of her life and she regrets it. She claims she didn't tell me because she felt disgusted, she wanted to be pure for me. She had never kissed or done anything with anyone other than me.
I had her delete every message in email and Facebook and everything to him. I had her give me her passwords and I checked. I want to trust her, but I don't know how to right now. I know that's probably overboard, but I just wanted to make SOME progress as soon as I could. I love her more than anything and I really don't think she would do this again. She was medically discharged and lives at home, so she doesn't have any opportunities until we move in together.
Do I stay with her? Do we try therapy? I don't know what to do. I love her.
Most Helpful Guy
Did she keep contact with him after the incident (Facebook email whatever). If she did not delete everything after she came to her senses and had time to think I would disregard the idea of unwillingness on her part.
To be honest man unless it was rape, a spontaneous ambush, the girls mind was involved in the affair. I mean she knew what was coming. Actually you wrote that she invited this friend over. I think you can consider that invitation as her plan to get laid with this guy. She planned it, she betrayed you she is unfaithful. I am sorry to tell you. I am truly sorry. I don't even want to imagine if it was me instead of you. I think these long term relationships are not a good idea.
You are studying engineering, great. I think a relationship is like steel for example. It gives great integrity to a structure but if we love the structure and want it to stand, we should not neglect it and even worse abuse it and put it under unnecessary pressure because even steel with all it's strength has it's failure point!0