How do I leave my husband?

I'm in an abusive relationship. Been together for 12 years and left a couple times, seems to get better but then he's back to the same old stuff. He's very jealous , controlling. But he says he loves me, can't live without me. I'm not in love anymore. I don't have money for my own place. the worst part is we have two kids together and he has two from a previous relationship. I have have been with him since I was 16. And I'm 28 now. I'm a little afraid to leave (afraid of what he's capable of and worried about the kids and also worried about starting over with someone else.). Does anyone have advice for me? Anything I can do to make a divorce go sort of smoothly?

Updates:
Thank you all for your feedback. My kids are 10 and 7. I think I keep holding on because I remember my parents divorce being so nasty . I do hate what he's done. And sometimes I feel angry toward him and I get attitude thinking about it. I feel miserable. I knowi don't deserve this. (No one does ) . And I really want to get out. But it is so hard. I don't have a job, the vehicles are all in his name and he told me he's keeping the vehicles and house if I leave. This isn't fair.
I take care of all four kids , cook, clean, shop, doctor, everything.i am entitled to a vehicle and possibly the house if I get a job right? I'm going to school but be done until may 2014, I just can't wait that long.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • First, I'm really sorry to hear about your situation, but there's aways hope. There's no such thing as a smooth divorce and the fact that he abuses you is going to make it that much harder. Be smart about the whole thing and first have irrefutable evidence that he is abusing you, otherwise it's his words against yours and you don't want to take that chance. Do you have a relative or friend you can move in with while you're getting back on your feet? However, I do recommend an abused women's shelter since they can give you better advice since they deal with these types of situations everyday. Good luck and stay safe!

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    • thank you! keep us updated please, I really hope everything turns for the better.

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What Guys Said 3

  • It's a divorce, it's not going to go smoothly. It's like trying to cheer up people at a funeral, it's just not going to happen.

    How do you leave him? You pick up your stuff, and you go. You have kids, I doubt they are very old going by your age, so custody of the children needs to be taken care of. You can't worry about how the divorce will effect your kids, you are sticking them in a worse position by staying with this guy, by what you have told me. You are doing your children a big, big favor. Trust me on that.

    Go live with family, friends, a roommate, something until you can get up on your feet a bit more, but keep one big thing in mind, you need to leave.

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  • I don't know leaving all of a sudden is not a good idea,

    Prepare your self :- Filling a Divorce is not an easy thing

    1) Find a job locally ( no one in this world will be ready to bare your expenses except your parents)

    2) Collect relevant evidence like marriage certificates , photograph , property holds ( this will be helpful for claiming the money.

    3) You will need a lawyer who will charge you his fees , find a good one who can charge you a lump-sum amount for the entire case.

    4)i don't know how abusive your relation is , but if you can do a video recording that will help you get your claims (and maintenance for your kids )

    5) Find support for women's right if you have in your country . (added advantage )

    =========================================================================

    Before you proceed you need a cash flow most important thing ... Find a job suitable for you

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  • Are you working in a job?I do not know what you're afraid of that money?

    What is the obstacle to want to divorce?

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What Girls Said 2

  • This is definitely a good first step in getting out of a bad situation, but I realize how conflicted and nervous you must be. Do you have any family or close friends that know about what has happened and can provide some protection or support when you do leave? If not, organizations like Planned Parenthood are great about connecting women with other local resources AND protecting your confidentiality, so if you call them or go to see them they will never share your info with anyone else and they can put you in touch with almost anything you need - lawyers, counselors, housing services, peer groups for women who have been through similar situations.

    At this point, I think it is most important for you to gather and prepare your support network, before you say anything to him or leave him. Abusive, jealous and controlling people have a way of taking away your decision-making ability (as you may have experienced,) but knowing that there are good people who are prepared and ready to help you will give you the push you need to get out, get a grip on your rights and your options, and stay out of this bad situation for good. Gathering a trustworthy network (through friends, family, or organizations like PP) will give you confidence and support, so the moment you walk away you will know exactly who to call and where to go.

    I also sent you a private message, in case you want to talk more. Take care.

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    • Im so sorry your dealing with this. But there is GREAT news. There is help on the way. The national domestic hotline number is 1888799safe. They will provide you or even advocate for you to some temporary safehouses or DV shelters. These shelters are all over America. Saved my life.

    • im sorry hun that number is 1800799safe. good luck and god bless you and yours.

  • you need to look into the abused women shelters , anyways my friend had to go there for her safety and afterward they helped her get a new place and she is now happy , safe and divorced.

    It won't be easy but do it for you and the kids, you should not have to endure another day of hell...I too was in an abusive relationship,physically abused and had his daughter but I got the strength to leave and got police protection.That was over 25 years ago and I'm thankful I made the right decision and by the way,they will not change,my ex is still nasty and ruined his second families life..now he is with a woman who is exactly like he was towards his exes..nasty , jealous, always starting fights,Karma is truly awesome.

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