My ex-girlfriend broke up with me five months ago because she thought I was cheating on her. During the month leading up to our break up, she started talking to a guy from her past and they started to build a connection. I never cheated on her, but I am at fault to the extent she thought I was.
Instead of going NC on her, I continued to talk to her knowing she was also talking to this other man. Out of desperation, I played her games with hopes of trying to win her back. We talked about the issues we had during our relationship; the issues she had with me. In fact, we even tried to go to couple's counseling until she decided it was not beneficial for her.
After this failed attempt, we continued to talk until one day she revealed that the other man had visited her the weekend of Valentine's day. According to her, she told the other man she did not want to be with anyone and he proceeded to cut her out his life.
After this encounter, one day she told me that she could not continue to talk to me anymore, because she felt that I could not show her the love and affection she deserved. She tried to rationalize by saying at least we had tried to make things work. This infuriated me and I told her I did not want to speak with her anymore. I broke all contact until she reached out saying we should be "friends without expectations". Blindly, I accepted this.
Now, this has been going on for a few weeks. It hurts because I know for a fact, she is hiding the fact we are talking to everyone in our circle of friends. I confronted her about this when we bumped into common friends at the mall. Her explanation was that she could not have her sister finding out because she would give her grief for this.
As time progresses, I'm getting tired of this arrangement. I cannot be "friends" in a very one sided manner. I still care for this woman, but it is really taking it's toll. However, I do not know if I'm making the correct decision. I want to back off and leave her alone . I question her motives all the time and wonder if she is just stringing me along until something better comes along. Or, perhaps this arrangement is really based on the fact she could not take the grief from her family and friends. Should I just give up at this point even though we've spent close to five years with each other?
Most Helpful Guy
For your own good and for the sake of your future and mental health you know what the right thing to do is.
"Never try to keep someone who doesn't want to keep you."
I know it's hard and you don't have to do it all at once, but in the end you will be proud of yourself for being so strong, because face it, it's not your fault, she orchestrated all of this mess and you tried and you are still trying to make things right but she won't have it so what ells is there to do right?
I've been through this myself, I'm still going through it, what I did when she told me she wanted to stay friends I just told her I couldn’t, I said it's either all or nothing and then I simply stated where I stood and left it, we haven't spoken for 4,5 months, now do you think the result would have been any different if we were to stay friends? No probably not because if she really wanted us to be together she would have tried regardless of what had happened.
And how do I feel today? Great better then I would have felt if I had stayed friends with her because I know at least I left with some dignity and self-respect knowing I didn’t want the situation to be like this but that she pushed it towards it.
I still have days I want to contact her, I miss her like crazy most of the times, but it's a process and I have to go through it, just like she said when she broke up with me.
At the end of the day, if someone really wants you they fight for you, just like I did for her but when I noticed it was having an opposite effect I stopped.
My point is, don't let people step over you like this, if you have sincerely given your hearth out in an attempt to build the relationship you have with them and they won't have it then it's their loss not yours.0