#LoveYourself
VALENTINE'S DAY

Should I just give up on my Ex-Girlfriend?

My ex-girlfriend broke up with me five months ago because she thought I was cheating on her. During the month leading up to our break up, she started talking to a guy from her past and they started to build a connection. I never cheated on her, but I am at fault to the extent she thought I was.

Instead of going NC on her, I continued to talk to her knowing she was also talking to this other man. Out of desperation, I played her games with hopes of trying to win her back. We talked about the issues we had during our relationship; the issues she had with me. In fact, we even tried to go to couple's counseling until she decided it was not beneficial for her.

After this failed attempt, we continued to talk until one day she revealed that the other man had visited her the weekend of Valentine's day. According to her, she told the other man she did not want to be with anyone and he proceeded to cut her out his life.

After this encounter, one day she told me that she could not continue to talk to me anymore, because she felt that I could not show her the love and affection she deserved. She tried to rationalize by saying at least we had tried to make things work. This infuriated me and I told her I did not want to speak with her anymore. I broke all contact until she reached out saying we should be "friends without expectations". Blindly, I accepted this.

Now, this has been going on for a few weeks. It hurts because I know for a fact, she is hiding the fact we are talking to everyone in our circle of friends. I confronted her about this when we bumped into common friends at the mall. Her explanation was that she could not have her sister finding out because she would give her grief for this.

As time progresses, I'm getting tired of this arrangement. I cannot be "friends" in a very one sided manner. I still care for this woman, but it is really taking it's toll. However, I do not know if I'm making the correct decision. I want to back off and leave her alone . I question her motives all the time and wonder if she is just stringing me along until something better comes along. Or, perhaps this arrangement is really based on the fact she could not take the grief from her family and friends. Should I just give up at this point even though we've spent close to five years with each other?
Updates:
The more I think about the situation plus all of your feedback, the more I feel like I do need to go on my own. Recently, I asked her to go with me to an event. She agreed and we both went. However, during the event, she was on edge when we bumped into one of her acquaintances and this set the tone for the whole night. I took photos of the event and she asked me if she could go on my social media sites (Facebook, instagram) for no reason at all.
I knew what she was up to despite not showing any emotion into it. She wanted to see if I had put photos up on my pages. Also, after the event, we were talking on the phone then the line disconnected suddenly. I tried to call back but the calling program stated she was busy. If this is any indication on where she's at with this "friendship", I'm done.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • For your own good and for the sake of your future and mental health you know what the right thing to do is.

    "Never try to keep someone who doesn't want to keep you."

    I know it's hard and you don't have to do it all at once, but in the end you will be proud of yourself for being so strong, because face it, it's not your fault, she orchestrated all of this mess and you tried and you are still trying to make things right but she won't have it so what ells is there to do right?

    I've been through this myself, I'm still going through it, what I did when she told me she wanted to stay friends I just told her I couldn’t, I said it's either all or nothing and then I simply stated where I stood and left it, we haven't spoken for 4,5 months, now do you think the result would have been any different if we were to stay friends? No probably not because if she really wanted us to be together she would have tried regardless of what had happened.

    And how do I feel today? Great better then I would have felt if I had stayed friends with her because I know at least I left with some dignity and self-respect knowing I didn’t want the situation to be like this but that she pushed it towards it.

    I still have days I want to contact her, I miss her like crazy most of the times, but it's a process and I have to go through it, just like she said when she broke up with me.

    At the end of the day, if someone really wants you they fight for you, just like I did for her but when I noticed it was having an opposite effect I stopped.

    My point is, don't let people step over you like this, if you have sincerely given your hearth out in an attempt to build the relationship you have with them and they won't have it then it's their loss not yours.

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What Girls Said 2

  • omg your story is just like mine , but I am the girl.. Look your a man.. its just hurting your ego.. Please save your self trouble. Do what I did. Let it go and move on. it is veryyyyy tough I a dealing with it. but we have to do it. For our sanity

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    • I understand that, what made you finally come to this decision? We still talk, and it's great while we talk, but it also hurts after the fact because I worry that if I just give up, I may be missing out on an opportunity.

    • I was talking for a while. It was great. Always fun . He would always message. So I thought it was going somewhere. BUT I was wrong. He had moved on. he had started flirting and dating other girls And when I found out I felt cheated. Because he even slept with a cpl times. I eventually gave up. met with him told him I felt like he wronged me. And said I won't contact him again. And blocked him from all social media . He called me a few times after I didn't asnwer. Now its been 2 weeks no contact

  • It seems that at this point, her mind is made up. Even though you didn't cheat on her, her views of you have changed...enough so to make her look elsewhere (though she shouldn't have done so without breaking off the relationship first).

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    • So what's the point with her continuing conversation with me and even getting jealous if I dare speak with another woman?

    • Hmm... I see your point. Could be that she doesn't want you, but doesn't want anyone else to have you either.

What Guys Said 4

  • Dude, I hate to tell you this, but it's a lot worse than you think.

    Normally when someone out of the blue starts accusing you of cheating, it is from a guilty conscience - they are doing it and so they accuse you of it to try to justify it. For women, an emotional attachment is more important than a physical one, her inviting this guy to visit on Valentine's day was her blatantly blowing you off in her mind.

    She friend-zoned you already, there is virtually no hope for putting this situation back where you want it to be. My advice: blow her off completely. Erase her email, take her number out of your phone, wipe the slate clean. You are plenty young, sign up for some dating sites and get out there and meet somebody with some character. If she tries to contact you again, speak to her as you would any other jerk who has screwed you over and stabbed you in the back.

    Work on your self confidence, don't think that your only chance at happiness is gone. Date 10 different girls and let's see how important this one seems to you after you've done that.

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    • I think that right there is some pretty solid advice, makes a lot of sense, but it's hard to follow through.

    • You're right about that, it is very hard to follow through, but that will to do the right thing will carry you a long way in life. Don't let her turn you into a doormat, you sound like a nice guy but there comes a point where that starts working against you. Get on interpals dot net and sign up 10 pen pals about your age (Philippine Islands girls are very friendly) and take your mind off of her. You'll thank me later. ;)

  • It's almost like picking off the scab of a deep cut. You just keep bleeding after every rip. You need to heal. YOU need to let yourself heal.

    IT IS OVER, IT HAS BEEN OVER and you have went way past the pathetic stage of grieving.

    You really do deserve better and you NEED to forget about her. Close the door and walk away. Don't regret nothing or try to dissect this any longer. No reason to be had. it just simply was another chapter written in your long book of life. Once you remove yourself from that and start living life accordingly for yourself and your sanity you will see how messed up this all was.

    Just another lesson learned is all.

    There is someone else waiting for you. Someone that is compatible in every sense on the word. Someone waiting to find you once you put all this insane behavior away for once !

    You may need time to be by yourself to be OK with being alone and when you least expect it you will find it because you weren't looking for it.

    I know doesn't make sense now , but it will if you take this advise and follow it.

    It may hurt (it really shouldn't tho) it should just be an epiphany and a slap to the forehead !

    good luck

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  • Ditch her now.

    It's pretty clear she made the "you're cheating on me" thing up as an excuse to break it off and look for a new partner. She obviously is using you and doesn't really care about you so get rid of her.

    Find a new girl who's actually worth something, there are plenty out there.

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  • Dude, stop wasting your time with her. You could be on another relationship in the time you've been pining and chasing her and putting up with her bullsh*t.

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