Is it OK for my boyfriend to share his bedroom with his mum?

My boyfriend is almost 42 and he and his older brother pay cheap rent to live in what was the family home. The parents retired and moved onto acreage 15 years ago. Whenever they please, the parents come to stay - for a couple of days or a couple of weeks. There's only 3 bedrooms, and his mum and dad don't sleep together because mum snores. So his mum takes my boyfriend's bedroom and he sleeps on the smelly old couch under the house in front of the TV - despite being the only one who works and having to get up at 3am.

His mum seems to think the bedroom is hers. Her clothes and shoes are in the wardrobe, until recently her smelly perfume was in the beside table drawer, her book was on the bedside table for 3 years! Anything I leave around gets tidied up within a week or two, particularly if mummy is coming to visit.

So last weekend I go over to stay and his mum's grey hairs are on the pillow. My boyfriend rushes around cleaning and putting fresh sheets on the bed for his mum, but apparently the sheets that his mum slept on for a week and which he has slept on since are good enough for me. I think that's gross - when he stays at my place, I put fresh sheets on that morning.

My boyfriend has never moved of the family home. He seems to think that his mum, in particular, can do no wrong. He thinks that it's perfectly normal for his mum to take his bed and have her stuff all over his bedroom. Both sons seem to think it's OK for mum to criticise them for hours because the house hasn't been kept clean to her exacting standards - despite the hours/days that I've seen them spend getting the place spotless.

OK, so the rent they pay is cheap, but it's also very convenient for the parents to have somewhere to stay whenever they want to go to the city. The income from the rent is also undeclared, which suits them fine. So it's not as if the obligation is all one way and the brothers should just put up with what they've got and count themselves lucky.

So... is it wrong for me to think that it's somewhat disturbing for a grown man to have his bedroom full of his mum's stuff?

Is it wrong for me to think that he should stand up for himself and not let his mum kick him out of his own bedroom?

Is it wrong for me to think that I deserve clean bedding when I go to stay at his place?

Is it wrong for me to think that he should get out from under his mum's thumb?

Or am I just being petty?


Most Helpful Girl

  • They're probably old if he's 42, would you tell your parents they had to sleep on the couch if they came for a visit? I wouldn't even do that and my parents are in their 40s. You can ask him to stay with you if it bothers you that he's sleeping on the couch?

    Do you deserve a clean bed when you go stay at his place? Sure he could/should put some fresh sheets on.

    As far as leaving mum's thumb, yes I think a 42 year old man should have his own place and not just live at his mom's old house because the rent is cheap.


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What Guys Said 1

  • It's not wrong for you to think that.

    It's really weird.

    Though, it must be that he really want to show his love for his mum during her latter years in life.


What Girls Said 1

  • its weird that he didn't change the sheets

    but that's his mom

    cant he spend the night w you instead of the couch? he does need to grow up some,but its good to date someone who loves their mom


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