Is my partner 'the one' with no initial spark?

I have just gotten out of a long relationship 2 years my first love... About 4 months ago and I have met a guy I work with we see each other everyday and I don't get bored of him he had been asking me out for a month and I turned him down as I didn't want a serious relationship eventually I said yes and we started officially dating although before this when I first met him 4 months ago we would spend hours after work just talking and sitting together, he is perfect my family love him he has a stable job where as my ex was a loser with a drug addiction, I really care about this new guy a lot and like seeing him but I feel as if it's not the same as with my ex there was so much excitement everything was new and a first when I'd see my ex and excitement when he'd message me, now with this new guy there's no excitement when I see him or he messages me it may be because I see him everyday whereas I saw my ex 2-3 times a week, we talk about our futures and joke about it, his super funny and makes me laugh plus his awesome in bed and I'm very attracted to him,but is it enough when there's no 'spark' or nothing that draws me to him, I'm sure I'd miss him if I didn't see him for a week, do you think it's just because I see him everyday and have seen him at least 5 times a week for the past 4 months, so I'm used to seeing him? Please help!


Most Helpful Guy

  • what kind of spark do you mean?

    it sounds like all the necessary things for a good relationship are there. you enjoy his company you find him attractive and the sex is good. Plus your fam likes him...

    So I don't understand what draw you are talking about doesn't exist. I mean realize that if you were to marry a guy you'd see him everyday so if your talking about sort of excitement and butterflies then that is something that really only comes from unfamiliarity or rare occurrence.

    I don't mean to sound like a doubter or I'm being critical of you. I'm a bit confused by what spark you mean. It sounds like everything between you is great so I'm not sure what you are expecting or what is lacking

    • I mean when you touch them/hold there hand it makes you feel some kind of spark, I don't get excited to see him, I always got excited to see my ex, but I saw my ex 2-3 times a week, where as I see this guy everyday, so maybe that's why, maybe the excitement and butterflies isn't there because I really got to know him before we started dating I knew him for 3 or so months before we started dating and we'd spend hours after work together too just talking,

    • I hear ya. and I think you may be right about how getting to know him as a friend first may change that sort of spark thing you are talking about. I wouldn't worry so much. It sounds like you two have a good chemistry. However, I'd just remember this for later on if you start noticing that your feelings for him are lessening. Perhaps he isn't the perfect guy for you but I don't think I'd worry too much at this point as it sounds like things are really going well for you two at the moment

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What Guys Said 2

  • Every relationship is unique. You cannot expect the same in everyone and you cannot compare them to, let's say, your "first love". Of course there are a few factors that run against you (like how often you both get to see each other, which ruins the mystery) but my point is every relationship will "feel" different because every man is different.

    • But at the same time as that because I see him every day it shows that we can get along really well, another thing is that with my ex I thought he was amazing and nothing could fault him, whereas this new guy I see his faults too I don't have 'rose covered glasses' so to speak, you make a good point, but do you think there has to be a initial spark to make a great relationship? As everyone else I've spoken to or read about need a spark... Will it come?

    • No, I don't think there need to be any spark because I believe in other things: Communication, honesty, trust, and respect.

  • Even if there's no spark, it will definitely work out.

    If you can't see the spark, create it.


What Girls Said 1

  • It might just be that you are still not completely over your ex. If you find yourself comparing him to your ex a lot, this might be the reason. Also you may just not be ready for a new relationship yet.


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