GF started talking with her ex(a girl and also neighbor), makes me feel bad for feeling uneasy about it!

I'm recently divorced and my girlfriend of 4months has began interacting with her ex, making me feel uncomfortable and less important. We are both single parents with sons the same age but mine lives with his mom in another state. Her ex is also a girl.. which she was upfront with. She led me to believe that they have nothing to do with each other, zero interaction. Her ex recently moved back in with her mom, next door to my girlfriend. Slowly I began to notice she would let her son go visit her ex/neighbor. Then I began to notice that they were texting. When I asked her about it, she said they just discussed her son. I noticed it occurred more and more often and in the middle of the night and she was defensive about it. Later she told me that they were best friends before(only knowing each other a few years) and that she just felt bad and wanted her friend back. Our relationship was perfect and we love each other, but as the frequency increased, our relationship turned very rocky. I caught her next door a few times when I'd come by before she expected. It made me feel like sh*t. She would tell me it was just to let her son visit. When I just had to know what was going on, I looked at her texts and saw she was complaining about me to her ex and even planning a beach getaway with her, when I wouldn't be there. Her ex called our relationship stupid and me a downgrade. I was so upset. She somehow turned it around on me and made me feel wrong for being upset. She apologize for talking bad about me to her ex, but I'm still so confused. She says she loves me but I feel like the affection and compassion is nearly gone. I'm very in love with her and she's been great until this. How can I just accept that they are "friends" again and not feel like I'm being replaced or temptation will rekindle their relationship? My girlfriend has only dated a girl this one time, but that girl has been exclusively with woman. I'm so torn. Help please

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Not to be pessimist or anything, but it doesn't sound good. It doesn't sound good the moment she's telling you one thing and she's telling the other girl another thing. It's compeltely uncool to plan a beach getaway with your ex when the partner is gone. It spells CHEATING all over my board. It's bullsh*t they're just friends. If that other girl keeps on feeding your girlfriend ideas about the relationship being "stupid" and of you being a "downgrade", it'll get to a no return point.

    I think your grilfriend needs to be clear about this. First, she doesn't complain about your relationship to others unless she first complains to you. Anything the relationship might need is only between you two. What good does it bring if she asks for her EX's FUC*ING opinion?! Nothing too unbiased. What does she expect out of this relationship in the future and the ex's involvement in her life? Tell her how you feel and ask her how would she feel if you talked to your ex about everything. Reverse the roles, she'd feel like sh*t too.

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What Girls Said 11

  • A lot of girls I know that have been with other girls before seem to be more likely to choose a girl over a guy. The way your girlfriend is acting, she's VERY interested in the ex. You probably have a bad feeling for a good reason honestly. I'd give it a month or so to see if things change. If not, then I'd leave. Sorry it sounds so harsh./:

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  • It's not healthy to let yourself feel these negative emotions.

    You can choose to continue trying to make things work. Or you can throw on the towel and walk away. 4 months isn't a lot of time. My advice would be to scale things back to 'just friends' until she knows which way she wants to go.

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  • I'm saying this over experience.

    I had a boyfriend and I kissed another girl behind his back. I then broke up with him and eventually got with that girl. I know I were in the wrong but its been 3 years now and I'm still with the same girl so I honestly don't regret it. What I'm getting at is..If girls like the same sex then you should just leave them to it.. Saves you getting your heart broken :/

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  • Move on. Replace her, she is CLEARLY replacing you. Sorry for being really frank here honey, but I really think you need to know that. And everyone here seems to have said the same thing. You deserve someone better. :) Someone who can love you and whom you love way beyond 4 months, way beyond 10 years.

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  • Dump her, she's probably cheating on you. Not okay. :(

    Also, this right here is abuse from her: "he somehow turned it around on me and made me feel wrong for being upset."

    If your SO talks smack about you and hangs out with someone they once had a romantic attachment to, that is enough reason to run and never look back. I'm sorry. :(

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  • I think you might be replaced by that girl... It sounds like they are being very close from one another again.

    If you think it's just friendship then be sure that your girl should react if the other one talks badly of you... If it's more though or if your girl is attracted again toward her ex, it's more likely that she won't say a word to her ex acting this way.

    You should step back and see how your girlfriend reacts, if she really wants you in her life or if she doesn't.

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  • you divorced your girlfriend that you were only with for 4 months? Ok, sadly that just doesn't sound smart to begin with, no offense. But, sorry to say this I think your'e being replaced

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  • What I would do in your situation is just take a little break from the relationship (sorry if I'm making it sound bad). It will give you both time to think about what you really want or if the relationship is worth keeping alive.

    I'm sorry to say this but it doesn't sound good, I mean, a girlfriend doing one of those things is okay, but putting all of them together...

    Just sit down and ask your girlfriend straight up, then, depending on the answer and if you feel she's being truthful or not, take a break. It will give you both time and, hey, distance may make the heart grow founder. If you need anymore advice feel free to message me.

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  • I say get rid of her.

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  • Your being replaced and clearly it seems like she wants to be with this girl if she's complaining about you .

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    • They could be having sex as well behind your back

  • I know in the situation you might feel like there is gray area and it might be your fault, but to everyone looking at this on paper, I am sure we would all agree, this is black and white. She is treating you horribly and I doubt you deserve it. It will hurt, but this has to end one way or another.

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What Guys Said 2

  • They aren't just friends and you know this. You are being disrespected, slowly phased out, ridiculed, taken for granted and walked over. Your masculinity is being threatened and what you need to do is being clouded by the illogical outcomes of hormones and chemicals.

    I wonder why you need such drama, discontent and bad feeling in your life. You can make the choice of reclaiming your manhood, self respect and self esteem by cutting off all contact. I would question why you are still investing in failing shares.

    I believe everyone deserves to be given chances but this woman deserves no more consideration. Part of why she is acting this way is because she believes you will put up with it, she thinks you will allow her to have the best of both worlds (literally) and she thinks you are less of a man. I suggest you surprise her by doing none of those things.

    Reclaim that which is lost, do that which you fear doing and concentrate on living your life whole as you are until you find someone who will treat you as a man, with respect, consideration, honesty and love. Please write back here when you have taken action, what ever that may be.

    I see an inferno but at times, others still feel the need to place their hands into the flame to establish that it will burn them.

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  • If you were smart, & I know you really care for her but the best thing to do is turn around & walk away. It might be the hardest thing you ever do but at least you will find out the truth. She will either come for you, or go to her. I know how you feel when you are in a position to walk away from the one you care for, I've had to do it but sometimes that is all you can do.

    If you stay, all the insecurities you're having will most likely ruin what you have now anyways, always questioning what she's doing with her & such. It's going to cause tension + it doesn't help that the neighbor is trash talking you either.

    Only way to find out if she wants to be with you is take yourself away from her, if she cares enough she'll come for you...or not.

    .

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