Are both of these guys disrespectful or is it me and my fault?

guy 1: Was in a LD relationship with for almost 2 years. Lots of complications came up and I had to break it due to confusion and needing some space but not because I didn't love him. I asked him to please be friends until we meet and to understand my predicament but.. he couldn't and instead had quite a few upset episodes where some bad things happened but he said it was because he was hurting from losing me and never meant to treat me that way. We are now back to talking occasionally and I said I am not ready to be in a relationship with anyone right now and just need friends and to focus on myself because I'm tired of screwing people up and complicating things and need ot take babysteps. He won't accept that and said that either I am in this fully or out. I can't wait to meet him or until he comes here. either I am with him or he is gone. ( he is my best friend and I love him )

Guy 2: I've known my whole life and had a HUGE secret crush for forever and vice versa. He came back from college and my boyfriend and I had just broken up. I told him I am not ready to be in a relationship due to teh fact that I jsut got out of one and it will take me time. He said no problem and then continues to ask me to be his girlfriend lik 3 times in the space of 2 weeks and constantly mentions it. I told him no because my heart isn't in it fully and I want to get into a relationship and be ready with my whole heart. So we started kissing a few times here and there and we both are virgins. I told him I didn't want to have sex until I was married and he agreed ( we both grew up conservative and being taught that) so we kissed, but werent together and then when making out one night he kind of tried to go in me like 5 times and each time I said no and that I'm waiting... adn thne he goes in after grinding. So virginity gone, I told him I enjoyed it but I'm not doing it again because we aren't even together and I don't like that and... we were kissing again.. and it happened again. I'm not blaming him. I could have fought or yelled or not allowed it to happen but... yeah.

Now I'm doubting that I should be with either guy and am confused about both... Should I really just give up on both and move on? Am I reading this wrongly and its me or are both more... not respecting my words and what I am asking or am I wrong and playing people?


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  • well you need to make up your mind about who you want and about what you want. then you need to draw very firm lines in the sand so as there is little confusion and no wiggle room for misunderstanding.

    I don't think Guy1 is disrespecting you or anything. It just seems like you two had an issue and now you are both having to deal with the fallout

    Guy 2 definitely disrespected you and violated your wishes. You don't have to 100% blame him but you should feel violated that he blatantly and repeatedly ignored your objections and essentially forced himself on you.

    I'm not sure you're playing people but you are definitely sort of teasing both situations. Make up your mind what you want and who you want and go with it

    For the record: While it isn't rape. Guy 2 sounds certainly forced an issue and went against your wishes. now you did consent to some extent so I won't call him a rapist but he clearly did not respect your desires. And regardless of what he says wants sex and will expect it from you

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What Guys Said 2

  • - "I had to break it due to confusion and needing some space"

    - "I'm not ready"

    - "i just broke up"

    - "i don't feel it in my heart" ...

    - "I asked him to please be friends until we meet and to understand my predicament "

    If you're not ready, then Stop interacting with guys.

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  • you were wrong. if you didn't want to have sex with guy 2, why did you put yourself in the exact same situation the next night? I hope you're on birth control. these spur of the moment trysts can have unwelcome consequences 9 mos. later

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