GUYS & GIRLS: Is he after my best friend?

Can someone PLEASE give me some insight here! I really interested in this guy & have been since we met 9 months ago. We were instantly attracted to each other & he was very keen, but I was hesitant to fully open up because he had just come out of a serious relationship. Anyway, throughout the months we did go out a few times together although I'm not sure they were dates. We had drinks & coffee a few times together. Things started to feel strained as I kept thinking that he had lost interest/wasn't showing enough interest. Eventually due to mixed signals, he got tired of waiting around for me & met another girl. Their 'relationship' didn't work out. Since January this year things have progressed really well with us. We were in regular contact &seeing each other casually. He was a lot more at ease & affectionate & witty. Although he is by nature very witty, charismatic & flirty, he was never this way with me, in fact he was always quiet & reserved in my company which upset me because he was so amazing with literally everyone else.

In the last few months he's been asking to see me more which I thought was a good sign. Things had turned around completely & we were becoming good friends. He was funny & very sweet & flirtatious. Yet every time it seemed we were progressing he would pull back & I'd be left confused & upset. Eventually my brother (his very good friend) told him that I really liked him. He apparently didn't believe my bro. He said he thought I was amazing & that he did really like me, but he felt awkward about us dating in case things didn't work out & his friendship with my bro would be ruined. I was really upset & backed off completely which left him thinking I hated him. He kept asking our friends why I hated him & he asked me too & didn't believe when I said I didn't. He then ignored me for over a week which I found hurtful. He later apologized. Just before my birthday (a few days after he'd apologized) he came to birthday get-together. It was just a casual thing where a few drinks joined me for drinks. He drove over an hour to come although I hadn't invited him. He was so sweet the entire night & he later invited me to lunch the following day. Lunch ended up being at a fancy restaurant, with a 3-course meal! He'd booked a table at this beautiful place & had gone to loads of trouble. I was so touched. Conversation flowed & we had an amazing time together. Lately, he has been a lot more touchy feely with me & he constantly argues with me playfully. We banter & screw around with each other & tease one another. I started thinking that he was interested in me again, BUT he's been talking & spending time with my best friend (also his good friend) a lot too. She's his confidant & he tells her all his problems. Although she's in a serious relationship, our friends including her boyfriend have started wondering if he's into her. He bbm's her all the time & also banters & screws around with her. We all hang out together & he's very affectionate & sweet to her. Although he treats me in a similar way, I'm so worried he's now interested in her & not me. Help! Does this seem to be the case?
* He also seemed very jealous when he heard about the guys who had been asking me out & would ask whether I was going to have contact with them. He also got very angry with some dude who started hitting on me the one night we were out. He often tells me that he has my back. He's always concerned about my safety & wants to sort out any guys who chase after me. I naturally assumed that he was interested...


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What Guys Said 1

  • Yeah, it makes sense that he would be withdrawn around you because he wouldn't want anything between you two to ruin the friendship between him and your brother. You need to understand his reluctance. But help him get over that. Tell him it will be okay.

    Yeah, your brother told him that you liked him, but that was no reason to stop talking to him and be upset. Rather, you should have patiently waited for his reasons and to talk it out, instead of just reacting. This is the source of many confusing relationship problems. Communicate.

    He had nothing to apologize for. You shouldn't have ignored him. You know what it feels like to be ignored, so how do you think he feels when you backed off of him?

    There doesn't seem to be any problem. This guy you like either has a girl friend that he is very friendly with, or his friendliness is just part of his personality. He may have been friends with your best friend for a long time, or she just happens to be someone he can confide in. Don't worry. I don't think he is into her in that way. She's already in a relationship, so they wouldn't do anything together. Besides, if they were cheating, which they aren't, would they make it so obvious? No, they're just friends. Go for it.

    Note: Don't stop talking to him because you perceive her as a threat or something. This will just make him confused. And yeah, if he is jealous, that might mean he likes you. Just be happy. Be together.

    • Thank you so much for your comment & for taking the time to write so many good points! I backed off cos I kept feeling that I was hitting a brick wall. My best friend & him they've only become good friends within the last 6 months. Lately, he's been confiding in her all the time, texting daily & wanting to be around her too. I know she doesn't have feelings for him as she told me & she's in a happy relationship. I'm worried cos everyone is beginning to question his feelings for her...

    • No problem.

      Just let it be known that you are with the boyfriend, because that will erase their doubts. Don't worry about what other people say. Just let them know that he and your best friend are just friends. Turn other people away from the falsehood, and just tell them the truth. Also, let your best friend know that people are talking. It'll do some good for them to keep it to a minimum, so that it doesn't appear to be too strange. Although they shouldn't break off their friendship.

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