Husband had affair with older woman after being together for 23 years please help

My husband and I have been together for 23 years

Both virgins to each other, married 5 years ago we have

2 beautiful kids together and he recently cheated

On me 4 times with a woman old enough to be his mother

My heart is crushed trust is gone. He was playing her

Games via sexting at work, but after I found out he

Became very cruel to me saying he wants to sleep

With other woman, he has since said sorry but can't see

The damage he has caused! I love him and have stayed with him

But sometimes he says the most hurtful things and than

Says sorry, I have not seen him try to fix it, he does

Not understand that comunication is a must to fix our marriage

But instead never wants to hear or fight for what he says

He wants Back which is his family.

He can't understand the trust, honesty and respect he

Has taken from me.

He seems to say one thing and act out in a hurtful way

Towards me,

23 years is a long time not to fight for our family but

I feel I'm the one that's fighting and him just sitting there

Doing nothing to help.

The woman that bedded my husband keeps ringing and

Telling me what they did together which hurts me, my husband

Says his sorry but does not act it,

Need advice because I'm so confused as to stay

And fight or leave.

A councilor dumped him and referred him to a doctor

Who referred him to a psychologist because of past issues

Never dealt with and say these could be factors to why he

Is acting out now, but this hurts and it kills my heart knowing he

Did this and can't see that his actions still hurt.

What would everyone else do please! I need advice.

Thanks in advance. Xx

why is it that my husband always says he loves me now and wants to work things out but can't seem to show me that he is serious?

wants me to get over it, can't understand that it will take time to move forward and does not understand when I get sad or angry at him over what he took from me? he took my trust that I gave him and blinded me by cheating.

i trusted him with out a doubt in the world,

my husband has gone from this cariing, loving, honest trusted man into this person since meeting this woman at work and getting involved in her sex games, how is it a woman of her age (61) could have that much effect over my husband to bed him to start with he is 37.

i would also like to say that there were about 6 others at work that she did this to as well and I'm not sure how, she is old, really ugly and huge.

its a lot like she has mind contol over these young men, mothers them.

plays with their heads and then gets them to have sex with them.

she has changed my husband in to a man that I do not know.

he has gone from a family man to a man that wants things..

are things that you can buy more important than a family?

im so confused. so hurt and feel so dirty.


Most Helpful Guy

  • Those were so disrespectful, traitorous, unfaithful, infidel, rude and unforgivable acts that he had done to you.

    Consider a divorce.


Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 3

  • A betrayal like this is almost impossible to get over, and you will keep trying, but you will get older, the years will pass by, and then you will realize that you have wasted all that time on a guy that didn't love you, he cheated, on you and took you for granted, but all you wanted was some respect, which never turned up, and your end up leaving, so why waste those years, split up, if its a wrong decision, you can always try again, but what you can't get back is the years you will lose if you try and save it now, because you cant, your relationship is damaged, and only time will fix something like this if at all, and a broken family is worse than a family apart,x

  • That's really terrible. 23 years is a long time, so I haven't been in your shoes, but when the trust is broken, I just don't see a relationship there anymore. Even if you stay together, my thoughts are it will never be the same because you can try to forgive, but you'll never forget.

    I can't tell you what to do, but I can tell you what I would do. I would leave. You have kids to consider, but is bringing kids up in such an environment the healthiest thing to do? I don't know. I do know this, I wouldn't want to waste my time or the time of my family on someone who doesn't care about me.

    Maybe it's just easy to give advice here because I'm not emotionally involved and I don't know the history of your relationship, but I think it would be very hard for me to stay in such a relationship.

  • he doesn't really care for you


What Girls Said 5

  • you need to bring this information to a lawyer and file for a divorce. it's absolutely disgusting what your husband and this other woman are doing to you. shame on both of them especially her. yuck. the saddest thing about this situation are the children involved and that neither one of them give any consideration to that. take care ok?

  • His actions speak a million times louder than his words. Leave him. He does not want you or his family back. He can stay in his kids life one way or another but you deserve to be treated better and you are not going to get it from him. The longer you stay the longer it will take to get over it.

  • i am going through the exact same. advice, take kids and leave NOW!

    • also get a lawyer...get custody of kids, get anything you are supposed to get from your state.

      he will not do anything aside from hurting you more and the children in between...i have done enough fight for the family myself...

      just leave leave and leave be strong. I wasn't and now kids are hurting.

  • Hun, you need to be strong and leave. the rust will never come back and he is not going to stop cheating. He wants the best of both worlds- a family and a fantasy.

    He shows no remorse, disrepects you, hurts you and is not making an effort. He says sorry cause he knows that is enough to put the argument to rest until the next one.

    A person who loves you will make an effort, would cut all ties with what is hurting you, and would do whatever it takes to make it right.

    I was with a guy who treated me like slave. He used me, abused me, hospitalised me for 8 years. 8 years it took finally say enough. Don't be like that. The first thing I leant from counselling, supports groups, etc is that the other person will never change.

  • Id try and find help or counseling somewhere in order to get professional advice.