Why Do Females Who Go After Losers Complain They Can't Find A Quality Guy

I am in a relationship so it is difficult for me to understand the mindset.

I wake up this morning and this one female plastered my FB news feed with those stupid quote images talking about how BS it is that there is a guy out there who treats a girl right or a list of qualities in a man that would make the ideal boyfriend.

What I don't understand is the mindset to keep going after guys that treat females like garbage.

One guy she dated was a drug dealer and he treated her like garbage for a year.

One guy was unemployed at 28, essentially homeless, and wouldn't take a job doing nothing because it would still be a job.

One guy she admitted was just using her for sex to get over his ex and they (had NOTHING in common) and she still complains he treats her poorly.

I just don't get the mindset and I see it mostly with people on the lower ends of the socioeconomic ladder.

Is it a self-esteme issue? That these girls don't believe they deserve a quality guy? Family upbringing and don't know better? Just not well adjusted?

I notice that trends within this group include tattoos, smoking (cigs or weed), drinking, obsession with athletes or celebrities, ect.

Can anyone provide insight into this mindset?

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What Girls Said 17

  • Sometimes, we just happen to be in an area that lacks men that meet our standards, and thus conclude it is "impossible" to find a man with that, so we'll settle for an attractive guy who lacks ambition.

    Other times, we are taught in teenhood to accept any time a guy asks us out if he is a "nice boy," even if we aren't into him, otherwise we will eventually end up alone forever. If he has a few basic standards (nice, etc.) we "should" give him a chance, or else we will be bitter and alone. In this case we may settle for an unattractive guy who has ambition but major social/emotional issues, or an unattractive guy with no ambition and emotional issues, aka not much to offer besides being there-- if he shows up.

    Maybe low self-esteem and mistreatment from men in the past helped "convince" us that we "deserved" the bad treatment and that we might really be dumb/ugly/fat etc., and we should feel lucky that any man has an interest in us. I can see how females who read disturbing MRA/MGTOW posts can feel a sense of inferiority as well, internalize it, then feel like they should be grateful for what they get.

    Maybe we're naive and think that, even though we're not that attracted to the guy and he's a "wounded bird," maybe the attraction will grow in time. We think he "needs" us and thus we should try to be good and stick it out.

    If the guy mistreats us or doesn't want to get a job (basically leeches off of us), we mistakenly believe that he will "change."

    Friends and family members might not believe us if he treats us like crap, so after we tell someone and they punish us for it (taking his side), we might stay, or leave to be alone in terms of that friend group, as well as romantically single. Or, we keep silent and suffer.

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  • I love how the best answer goes to an eleven word response without any thought whatsoever.

    ANYWAY...

    SOME women run to men who are awful for some of the VER SAME reasons men stay with women who are less than spectacular.Some of these reasons include but are not limited to:

    *Wanting them because they are a 9 or 10 on the attractive scale.

    *Low self esteem/confidence

    *Daddy issues/Mommy issues

    *has grown acustomed to having negative/toxic relationships

    *complacency

    *the illusion that things will eventually improve

    *the drama

    *he/she is hot!

    *desperation

    *settling

    *Not knowing any better

    *Money

    *Did I mention the person is super attractive? (This is usually the root of all evil)

    And a bunch of other reasons.Just because a guy is "nice",it doesn't mean he is attractive.And that's why some "nice" guys get turned down.Sadly,some guys who are insanely attractive physically,treat women like garbage...and the women ALLOW it...and it starts with..."But he is so cute". Girls are notorious for that.Guys are NO better either.

    I think its the physical attraction that clouds a lot of judgements at the end of the day and that's WHY chicks stick around hoping things will magically change. But this whole "nice guy" thing...who cares.GET OVER IT. If a girl gets with a guy because he is..."nice" and that's it...then...she is likely settling...maybe.I don't know of any girl that doesn't want someone who is attractive,interesting AND "nice". That's why some women go for the attractive over the nice.It embodies maybe more of what they are looking for (because women do want something nice to look at as well).I've come across nice guys very often...who would give me the world on a silver platter.But for me,I don't care.If there isn't attraction beyond that,and a personality I can mesh with,I WILL PASS. I've had my share of attractive messes,and you live you learn.So...to attractive messes?I WILL PASS. But give me an attractive nice guy? YES Please.

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    • I can understand physical attraction being a primary driver for those under 24 but after that it seems like a somewhat pathetic motivation.

      I will agree that the majority of the cases of these girls (who have tattoos, self-esteem issues, smoke, ect.) come from broken homes. I guess they are just irreparably damaged in some way.

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    • Ummm...QA...that's not true imo.I've heard and seen so many guys dating girls that are Yyyyyyyoooouuunngg,and then complain about how immature and incompetant they are.But they STAY with these girls.Why?IMO because it boosts their ego,AND they know that dating someone so young,she might be highly impressionable (he can control her or make her into what he wants),and...he know that she is going to be satified with her appearance for a while because she is SO young.So yes...these men are getting

    • these girls mainly for their appearance nd nothing else.What else is there if a 50 year old is dating someone young enough to be their daughter...seriously?I think both genders are EQUALLY superficial.Then there are some men who get treated like garbage by really attractive women and they stay in the relationship because they have arm candy.There are so many variations to all of this really...

  • I think some women do have low standards. Like I've known girls that will NOT reject a guy! They will just go out with them if they are single I guess because they think that is the best they can do. I don't really get this logic either because I've only dating guys I know are good guys in the first place. It might be a self esteem issue...or the sex could be really good

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  • Maybe she liked the competition to make him different? lol

    I would not go with someone like that..

    But she has friends right?

    Else it is because loneliness

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  • I don't see it either. I mean growing up most females are brought up playing the princess role, right? What changes over the years? Why do they suddenly become attracted to men that treat them completely opposite? Maybe it's because they have daddy issues.. They didn't have anyone there to show them how they are supposed to be treated. I've also often heard females claim that they like to experiment with them, and see if they can change them.. The whole bad boy goes good thing that you see in movies. Sometimes, they just think that they deserve the way that they get treated.. "Oh if I wouldn't have got him mad, he wouldn't have hit me" , blah blah blah. Honestly, a woman who chooses to be with someone who beats her, cheats constantly, etc.. probably doesn't realize her self worth.

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  • I can. Most guys don't know how to treat girls. When we find one who does we are amazed!

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    • Yep, this is me. Every time the guy says "I'm different from the other a-holes you dated" and then they do something a-holeish in a different way or worse. Or they act totally lame, spineless, passive-aggressive, etc.

  • agree! SO WHEN you find out let me know because I don't understand it either

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  • also girls don't always treat guys right.

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  • We don't but its probably because there's not many good guys

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  • I like how makoto claims she does not hate men and says stuff like this all the time.

    Every time the guy says "I'm different from the other a-holes you dated" and then they do something a-holeish in a different way or worse. Or they act totally lame, spineless, passive-aggressive, etc.

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  • I don't go after losers, losers seem to chase any girl anytime anywhere.

    When the good/decent guys just sit back and magically think they are going to make no effort, are too shy or can't be bothered to show a girl he likes them and a girl is obv going to think these guys aren't into them.

    But the losers talk to them, show interest, flirt ask them out, those girls end up with the losers instead.

    Don't blame girls, guys are equally to blame!

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    • so what? women don't have a mouth to tell those "losers" things such as...

      "back off! I'm not into losers" or "im not interested" etc.

      cause I never heard of any of these "losers" holding those chicks (the once the QA is referring to) at gun point for a relationship.

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    • @answerer you got it the other way around! when anybody lies to you is your fault for believing them. come on now, stop using stupidity as an excuse. especially when its a lie that you had fell for in the past.

      there is no way that every loser out there is such a good con artist. but there are lots of way to tell losers and decent men apart. so please don't give me that big bs nonsense you just gave

    • Get over yourself and don't judge people who you don't know.

  • many reasons but to sum it up, low self esteem and feeling like they don't deserve love.

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  • The problem with girls are thyey are in love with the fantasy that if they can get a bad boy, they can change him and make him hers forever. They want to change the bad boy into the "good guy" which is stupid.

    Girls just want what they can't have and then complain about it.

    I feel for the good guys because yes girls complain why they can't find a good guy. Look at your friend zone list ladies!

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  • Its hard to find a good guy who also turns you on primally

    I have two guys in my life, the ain't sh*t one with no job and a baby mama..he's bad news but makes me feel so good and knows just how to turn me on.he's really seductive

    And then the good guy.he's a great guy on paper but is bland as f***, kind of goofy and dorky and I'm not turned on by him.he isn't ugly at all but he's more like friend/brother instead of someone I could see giving me orgasms

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    • I am sure his "baby mama" thought he was really seductive as well.

      I think you hit the nail on the head on this issue. HE makes you feel good. You don't make yourself feel good. It is a self-esteem issue.

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  • I have no idea. I never understood it. I would never go for a guy with no ambition. But make up your mind. You say girls go for d-bags and then you say girls go for money. Well, which one is it?

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  • "Is it a self-esteme issue? That these girls don't believe they deserve a quality guy? Family upbringing and don't know better? Just not well adjusted?"

    All of these are some of the reasons some do.

    Sometimes girls just take what we can get.

    They don't approach men so we can only get men who come to us.

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    • But that is just it. I have tried to setup one of these 'type' of friends with a friend who is an "amazing guy" according to the vast majority of my female friends (who is also very alpha) but these girls always seem to run off to another loser d-bag and then complain. Hello, get a clue!

      I just don't get it. Probably never will.

What Guys Said 1

  • ever heard of "logic"? well women seem to be missing the ability to manifest logic in their life thus never learning from their mistakes which results them repeating the same mistake twice.

    others just do it for "attention". since attention seams to be the only thing chicks crave for, this is the only way the know how to get it; by claiming they are victims of society and claim that we men are the bad guys, just so people could pity them and they can be seen and heard in return

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