When do you know that it is time to break up?

My boyfriend and I have been going through a rough patch, maybe. His work has stressed him out to the point where he started smoking again my Dad died of a lung disease and it was this horrible experience, so smoking is a no-go for me. He knows this and he says that he will quit, just not now. Then he rarely contacts me, he says that it is because he is working but he had a day off and he didn't talk to me at all. I just do not understand. When I confronted him he said it was my fault because I could have kept texting him (I texted him good morning). However when we are together we have fun, and then he makes me feel good most of the time.

But sometimes I feel like I'm not a priority anymore. We have been together for a year, do you think this is a rough patch, or time to go out separate ways?

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Most Helpful Girl

  • You need to let him know what you need in order to feel happy (and safe) being with him. Just tell him you want him to contact you more and be more consistent and reliable. And tell him that it really hurts that he still smokes even though your dad passed because of it. Just talk to him about it. If he responds in a nice way and says he's so sorry, he'll work on it, then great. But if there's even more excuses/lies stacked up its time to tell him you need to move on. Or at least distance YOURSELF from him and stop talking to him for a few weeks if you really care about him and don't want to break up yet. A guy who loves you should do what it takes to make you happy!

    I dated a guy who made me unhappy and who was as unreliable as they get and it ruined my trust for him. So just let him know how you're feeling and tell him "I really need you to be more reliable." See how he reacts, and go from there. Hopefully things work out! Good luck!

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What Guys Said 3

  • Time to move on. Everyone has a bad day now and again. That is life and you both need to be understanding. However it seems to me that you are not his priority and that is not what you want. If you want a "sometimes" buddy, then hey this is great, but you want more and he is being stupid. "It is your fault you could have texted me more." What rubbish... If he wanted to be with you he would have been.

    I am sorry. I wish you well.

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  • Ask him straight up what is going on with him and the two of you. Ask him what you can do to make him feel better and help him keep his back free. Then stick to it and quit nagging. He probably feels super bad about smoking again and is trying to cover up his shame by blaming you for idiotic things that are not your fault at all. So my advice would be: either cut him some slack and tell (and show - for ex. with unexpected surprise sex date) him that you love him or let him go.

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    • If you stop "nagging" (telling him how you feel) and let it slide when he nitpicks you, it makes him lose respect for you and think he can act like a bigger jerk, so you have to break up with him, without him looking like the bad guy. Just my experience.

    • Yes it's possible that the guy looses respect, I agree. But it can be one of several possible strategies, depending on how much you love the person and how much you want the relationship to work out. It doesn't always have to be the "break-up" solution, that's all.

  • Communication.

    Respect.

    Trust.

    Dependability.

    Loyalty.

    Compromise.

    Love.

    If your relationship doesn't have any of those its time to leave. Especially trust and love.

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What Girls Said 4

  • 1) When you lose your feelings/start feeling repulsed/annoyed at your significant other

    OR

    2) link

    "I feel like I'm not a priority anymore." - My article addresses that; I know the feeling and hate it. :(

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    • Also, I noticed, he said it was your fault because he was too lazy to text you back a "good morning?" Um, yeah, that's man-child B.S. I would drop that.

    • Show All
    • QA, I get you completely. When guys blame you for something bad that they did, it's a complete mind-eff. Don't tolerate that; it means he doesn't respect you, is testing your boundaries, or wants out but is too chicken to say so.

    • Or he could just be lazy. But who needs that? If he doesn't respond to a text within a 24-hour period and always has his phone by him, then what's the point, IMO?

  • God that reminded me of my most recent break up and it hurt...look he doesn't see you as a priority my ex started smoking just like yours but the truth is he's no longer interested but he doesn't want to tell you so he's going to push you to your limits till you break up with him at this point just end it there's nothing going on anymore and start the healing process trust me you will be fine it will hurt but you will be okay

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  • Drop him.

    That's like saying he'll be a good boyfriend and dedicated to the maintenance of the relationship... just not now.

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  • i think you should speak about all what annoy you and stuff.i think it could help you and your relationship.if he will ingore it what are you telling this mean he doesn't respect you.tell him he is very important to you and you don't like fact it is so,just show him that you need spend with him more time for explain with messages.you can always try too thing that you will do everything all week just messages,sweet,just great girlfriend ,do everything for him,for he feel your love and your feelings and if he will still the same it mean you have to speak with him,if it won't work it's time to break up with him ,if he really don't care.

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