Why come back after 6/12 yrs, only to leave again? all welcome, but really need a mans opinion here!
What Guys Said 2
It's hard to own up to one's own faults. Men find it especially hard to admit fault and take blame for situations, partly because of the social expectation that they are supposed to be responsible for others.
One of the ways men protect their ego is to convince themselves that a situation is someone else's fault. If he were to actually respond to you and say that he didn't want you anymore, he would have to admit that HE was the one who terminated the re-relationship.
By slowly fading out of the picture, he had YOU saying goodbye and even apologizing to him. So, in his perception, he can feel comfortable that he did no wrong. After all, by distancing himself now, he's doing what YOU said you wanted... ending, closure... right? (Not really, but it's all about perspective)
He came back after 6 years to relive the good times you used to have, but once the relationship got real, he realized all over again why he left you in the first place. Those reasons were all still there, he just forgot about them over time, and the positive memories blotted out the negative ones.
People go to great lengths to protect their sense of self and their internal identity. Clearly, his purported regrets and life changes stemmed from a sense of guilt over the first iteration of your relationship. I don't think he wanted to re-experience that sense of shame; thus, he just dropped out.
Unfortunately, this is the risk you run in rekindling old flames. Leopards can't change their spots. The fact that he's protecting his own pride and self-identity doesn't make his actions noble, but that's the motivation behind it. He'd rather be thankful to himself for all the good things that he's done with his life. He was thankful for your forgiveness because it washed away his previous sins so he didn't have to carry that weight; you lifted his emotional burden.
You were right to ask for a break-up rather than a half-assed relationship. Keep up the good work.
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