Why did my ex leave when he saw me out?

He and I were together for almost 5 years. I broke up with him 4 months ago and we ran into each other for the first time recently. I don't normally go out around our town or in general, the bar scene isn't really my scene but I went out with a friend for a few drinks he showed up later in the night. I literally almost ran into him and when I realized it was him I asked if he was doing OK, he answered me with kind of an attitude but he said yes and I said good and went to get my drink. When I turned around he was gone. His brother and I spoke for a little while and he told me his brother took the breakup hard. The reason I left him was because he was drinking way too much and cheated on me. It was devastating, I am not completely over it but I am working on it. Anyway, I called my ex and he answered, (we had no contact until this call)I told him I wanted to be OK with each other since we were a big part of each others lives and he responded "I'm happy where I'm at in life, I'm with my girlfriend at home, we don't have anything to talk about".

I sent him a few texts just saying that life is going well for me and I thought we could be cool. He didn't respond. I went back inside and his brother was still inside, he told me to just give him more time and he'll come around. Then when I said, "listen, I understand he has a girlfriend, I'm not trying to step on anyone's toes" his brother told me he didn't have a girlfriend. So first question..why lie? I should also add that he looks very unhappy, he has gained maybe 40lbs in the last 4 months, no haircut and wasn't dressed the way I'm used to seeing him dressed. Without sounding rude..he didn't look good. Second question..was it maybe too soon to make peace? I am a good woman and I gave the relationship my all. I was always honest and would never betray anyone..it's just not my style. On more then a few occasions people that knew him growing up would tell me that my ex turned his life around when we met and that I was really great for him. Just wanted to give a little about what people thought and said about us as a couple. My last question is..why did he leave like that when he saw me? Thanks guys...could use a mans opinion.


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What Guys Said 1

  • K let me help your little pea brain out.

    1st Question: Why did he leave?! :O!

    He was very hurt, and didn't want to see you for what you did to him.

    2ns Question: Why was he mean to me?! :@!

    He is very hurt by you and didn't expect to see you, and could only be upset when he saw you.

    3rd Question: WHy lie about having a new girlfriend?! </3

    He lied to make you jealous. Which you clearly it didn't bother you or else you would have been like, omg who?! Plus he's super pissed at you and he's doing everything in his power to solidify a cement wall between you and him. So communication in the future is literally nothing. That's why he made that up.

    4th Question: Why has his appearance slumbered?!

    You have ruined his heart, you have ruined his mind, you have ruined his che. He is heart broken, he probably only thinks about you all day, so he doesn't care what he looks like cause he's so hurt, and he's probably still madly inlove with you. His mind is occupied by you, so his mind isn't telling him to look sexy, or lose 20 pounds, or shave or w.e.

    5th Question: Was it too soon to make peace?

    Yes, and No. There is no timeline to "making peace". You didn't state anything above about sh*t talking one another, or an "ACT of WAR" between one another. I think what you wanted to say was, "was it okay to approach him finally?" Again, yes and no. Since You broke up with him, I don't see him approaching you ever again, nor will he look your way later on in life. You will have to put the effort in to fix this. Since you innitiated the break up.

    Listen miss, do you know 100% that he was cheating on you. Cause if he was cheating on you, then he wouldn't be this broken over you. Are you sure your supposed "friends" aren't feeding you bullsh*t about your ex because they were envious of your relationship with him? If you really want him back, cause it kinda sounds like you do, you will have to put the effort in going forward.

    • Lol pea brain..harsh :)

      I'm absolutely sure he cheated 100%

      WHAT I DID TO HIM? Really..I did nothing. Honestly, caught him in his sh** and wouldn't stand for it. All I did was show self respect.

      I was a little confused about him being broken up about the break up because of the cheating too but I'm tellin you mshaker, the cheating happened. I can only assume he feels like he made a mistake and that's why he's broken up about it. But this Miss is a good woman that doesn't deserve all of that.

    • Show All
    • Sorry for upsetting you, and "kicking you while your down". But you need to chill with hating him so much. Just understand that their will never be peace between you guys, and that's about it. I'm sure your an amazing girl, you sound like it by the way you have posted your question. If you need any other advise you can message me, I was just having a bad day yesturday, and to see your reply kinda upset me. Anyways, U'll be fine. Just focus on you, and the universe will put you in the right path.

    • We all have bad days. I understand..no worries. I guess that's why I posted the question to begin with, confused on why someone that cheated would act so strange when seeing me. I agree with you -if he cheated he wouldn't care about me. But since he really did cheat and acted this way..I was confused. Your advice did really help me, I think it's one of those situations where he cheated and realized what he lost. I don't know but thank you. I sent you a friend request. Hope your having a better day.

What Girls Said 1

  • It sounds like he took the breakup hard and he's not over it. He's not ready to interact with you or talk to you. He ran into you unexpectedly while he was out doing something different, and the encounter forced him to confront the feelings of rejection that he's trying to forget about and overcome. He was out to have a good time and seeing you ruined his night, because he had to deal with the breakup instead of going out and having fun. He's not ready to have a friendly relationship with you. He's lying about having a girlfriend because he wants you to think he's moved on and isn't as hurt by the whole breakup as he clearly is.

    The best thing you could do for him would be to leave him alone and let him get over the breakup on his own. I know you want to help and be friends, which is why you texted and called after you saw him, but it hurts him to interact with you at this point. Be friendly if you run into him in public, but don't call or text until he reaches out, or until a year or two has passed. Let him get over you before you try to be friends again.

    • Thanks girl, I think your right. I do still care for him but know its not what I want or deserve. I guess I was just confused by the fact that he was the one that ruined us but yet he is taking it hard. Thanks again love.

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