Is there a chance to be together again?

Hi guys, I am really helpless so I decided to post up a question hoping to get a reply asap. I broke up with my boyfriend 4 days ago, we have many issues especially his insecurity, is definitely a major one. He controls me but I really love him. All the time he say he is afraid of losing me which is why he is behaving this way. He doesn't allow me to be on social networking for instant even if he allows, I only can add female users. He don't allow me to talk to guys and so on. I can understand why is he this way because he is someone who only hangs out with his group of guy buddies and hardly mix with girls but I think he should learn to relax and have faith in me. I have issues too I must say, I have bad temper but only during arguments like I tend to reject his calls, refused to reply his messages, walking him out etc. I am that sort who doesn't like to talk and want some peace when I am angry. Yes, I feel bad having him to chase me and look for me and so on but sometime he argue with me over things that is not within my control for instant, having male classmates. But I can't choose my classmates isn't it. My boyfriend told me he has insecurity issues because of my past, I hang out with bikers 3-4years ago, I had quite a few guy friends, but I swear they are just merely friends most of them are my close buddies. My boyfriend just does not have faith in me. So I mentioned break up, because such situation has been going on for nearly 7months. I told him we can't do this anymore, too much tears and pain, his insecurity is not within control. At first he refused to and we didn't break up but the next day he agree to what I say and ya.. But he seriously needs to change, at the same time he claims that I need to change too. I don't know what is wrong, I have been stop contacting with any male species other than my dad. But one thing is, my boyfriend and I truly love each other. We teared when we broke up. He agree with me that we need to move on from this. Everything is so heart-wrenching. He claims that he want to be good friends with me, he wants me to be in his life he still love me a lot. Does it mean he is uncertain about his decision of breaking up? He even asked can he still hug me whenever he sees me. Also, actually this isn't the first time we broke up, the previous time we had a similar situation (This time round is slightly worst) but we got back together after a nearly 3 weeks of seperation yet we didn't manage to talk our problems out and just have the 'forget it' mindset. Problems are not being solved. I am his first love by the way. I am so lost and confused. How to salvage everything? I want us back, at the same time I want to help him to improve. Relationship is about helping one another to grow isn't it?

I returned to him back all the stuffs when few days ago when we broke off and he is fuming now and don't want to get back together anymore. Last night he still claim that he loves me but this morning he say he don't love me alr..


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Most Helpful Guy

  • sound exactly like my ex. and me. For it to work 2 people must work on it. I knew that I had my insecurities as well. I was no where near your ex though. I even let her to to workout with a guy, and try to tell her to go to concert with some guy because I totally trust her. I broke up with her for the first time which broke her trust, but she also did something 2 or 3 days after that that also broke my trust as well. Maybe yall were never meant to be. I know it's easier said than done because I wish me and my ex could get back together. However, it's being your control. If it's meant to be then you guys will back together in the future. Human behaviors is so hard to understand. Everyone is unique that is why life is so beautiful. You have to live through the struggles to learn.

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What Guys Said 1

  • Yeesh... that was painful to read. Give his insecurity, his control issues, all the breakups, and just all the drama in general, why would you WANT to go back to that? I know you love him, but life is too short to put yourself through all that stress and heartache.

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What Girls Said 1

  • The last thing you want to hear is "if it's meant to be it will be" (no offense to anyone who has responded). What you want to know is HOW to get him to change and have faith in you and your relationship right? The problem here is that you can't. Only he can change the way he behaves in your relationship which is maddening for you I'm sure. Sounds like this guy has inner issues about trust, maybe even abandonment that have nothing to do with you. What is his relationship with his parents...especially his mom? Has someone hurt him badly in the past? My point is that you aren't responsible for building this guys sense of security or self esteem, nor are you obligated to "pay" for things in his past. You should by all means be allowed to have male friends, classmates, and whoever else YOU choose to have in your life that happens to be male. Is it your fault he feels this way and is terrified of losing you? Of course not...but you are taking that job on willingly. Think about how a married life would be with this guy as it is now...without him resolving his OWN issues. I hate to put it this way, but the controlling behavior just might get worse and you might end up living a very imprisoned life. I'm not suggesting you couldn't have a good life with this guy, but we all deserve a GREAT life with the partners we choose. Please just think about that.

    He will be wishy-washy with his feeling for you for a while...he doesn't quite know how to handle his emotions and is doing the back and forth thing. I think this break-up is your chance to plant your feet firmly in the ground and think about what you will and will not put up with. You need your space, have the right to that space, and you have the right to your own privacy even if you are married for 50 years. You have the right to be friends with whoever you want, as long as you are faithful and never cross a line with someone. Tell him he either trusts you enough to be your own person or this will never ever work. And please don't ever think you won't find someone who you will love as much as him because you will. You just will. We all do.

    I hope I haven't added confusion to your situation and I truly wish you the best :)

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    • Thanks so much, appreciated! :) I am sorting out my thinking now, hopefully the same for him too..

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