I was just trying to figure out what exactly you girls go through, how long it took for you to get over them, and did you ever just want them back and not talk to any other guy that tried talking to you. Feel free to explain thoroughly
Most Helpful Girl
Pretty much the same thing guys go through- being hurt, angry, sad, nostalgic, regretful etc. Generally, my first reaction when a guy ends things unexpectedly is naturally shock- kind of like getting a basketball to the face in the middle of a game. Both times it happened, I was just genuinely so stunned I sort of missed a lot of the break-up reasons part of the conversation- not that it REALLY mattered anyway...
After that- move through shock to feeling hurt about being rejected and confused as to why I didn't see it coming. Usually in this period, I'll spend a day or two with my friends but I'm not usually ready to talk just yet- and my good friends know this, they'll let me process while we go out for a drink, to a movie etc.
After I've processed, I start to deal with all those fun emotions- hurt, anger, sadness etc. I usually set a time frame for myself where I can feel however I want to feel, indulge in terrible movies, books with only happy endings, wear my favorite worn out jeans and hoodie etc. I give myself permission to BE upset for a week or so, to cry if I want, be super pissed if I want- whatever it is I'm feeling, I let it out. This sort of helps you get over it- you don't suppress it, don't pretend you're fine, you go through the process.
After my "grieving period" (for lack of a better term)- then it's more about making myself feel better. This involves filling my life with people and activities that make me happy- coffee with old friends, fun nights out, relaxing in the sun on a Saturday, cooking etc. Doesn't usually take too long for me to start enjoying life again and really stop worrying about the guy much.
Then- life tends to get back to normal, I'm usually content to be single and enjoy it. I've experienced a few times when I was with one guy and missing an ex from a recent break up hit me out of the blue, you think you're over it, then suddenly you're not. Then you sort of have to deal with lingering feelings, but it never lasts more than a month or two for me.
I don't usually go out of my way to talk to exes for at least a few months, but if I see them I'm always polite. After that- it really depends on where life takes both of us. I have exes I run into on a regular basis because we live in the same town and share some of the same friends. Those ones, I'd say we're casual friends-nothing awkward between us. I have others I might talk to once a year if that when we run into each other unexpectedly, that can be a bit awkward but nothing major.
I'm a pretty straight-forward person when it comes to getting dumped- I deal with the feelings it brings on, work through them, and get back to my life. It's really all you CAN do when that happens. I won't say I don't still think about my exes from time to time- I think the people we love are always in our hearts to some degree, but it ceases to be painful after awhile,just becomes nostalgic.1