What exactly do girls go through when they get dumped by their boyfriend.

I was just trying to figure out what exactly you girls go through, how long it took for you to get over them, and did you ever just want them back and not talk to any other guy that tried talking to you. Feel free to explain thoroughly


Most Helpful Girl

  • Pretty much the same thing guys go through- being hurt, angry, sad, nostalgic, regretful etc. Generally, my first reaction when a guy ends things unexpectedly is naturally shock- kind of like getting a basketball to the face in the middle of a game. Both times it happened, I was just genuinely so stunned I sort of missed a lot of the break-up reasons part of the conversation- not that it REALLY mattered anyway...

    After that- move through shock to feeling hurt about being rejected and confused as to why I didn't see it coming. Usually in this period, I'll spend a day or two with my friends but I'm not usually ready to talk just yet- and my good friends know this, they'll let me process while we go out for a drink, to a movie etc.

    After I've processed, I start to deal with all those fun emotions- hurt, anger, sadness etc. I usually set a time frame for myself where I can feel however I want to feel, indulge in terrible movies, books with only happy endings, wear my favorite worn out jeans and hoodie etc. I give myself permission to BE upset for a week or so, to cry if I want, be super pissed if I want- whatever it is I'm feeling, I let it out. This sort of helps you get over it- you don't suppress it, don't pretend you're fine, you go through the process.

    After my "grieving period" (for lack of a better term)- then it's more about making myself feel better. This involves filling my life with people and activities that make me happy- coffee with old friends, fun nights out, relaxing in the sun on a Saturday, cooking etc. Doesn't usually take too long for me to start enjoying life again and really stop worrying about the guy much.

    Then- life tends to get back to normal, I'm usually content to be single and enjoy it. I've experienced a few times when I was with one guy and missing an ex from a recent break up hit me out of the blue, you think you're over it, then suddenly you're not. Then you sort of have to deal with lingering feelings, but it never lasts more than a month or two for me.

    I don't usually go out of my way to talk to exes for at least a few months, but if I see them I'm always polite. After that- it really depends on where life takes both of us. I have exes I run into on a regular basis because we live in the same town and share some of the same friends. Those ones, I'd say we're casual friends-nothing awkward between us. I have others I might talk to once a year if that when we run into each other unexpectedly, that can be a bit awkward but nothing major.

    I'm a pretty straight-forward person when it comes to getting dumped- I deal with the feelings it brings on, work through them, and get back to my life. It's really all you CAN do when that happens. I won't say I don't still think about my exes from time to time- I think the people we love are always in our hearts to some degree, but it ceases to be painful after awhile,just becomes nostalgic.


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What Girls Said 4

  • If I loved the guy? I never get over him. Every time I see him I feel like I'm dying inside and I just want to forget I've seen him or leave, even if it's somewhere like walmart...two years later.

    Every time me and my boyfriend break up I take him back or ask him to take me back because I can't stand being without him...Even for a few days (4 days in a row once nearly killed me.)

    I would talk to other guys, just not flirty...

    If me and my current boyfriend broke for good.. I'd never get over him.. I'd probably go get drunk... a lot. I wouldn't get involved with other guys... but I'd casually talk to my guy friends and hang out with my female friends as much as I can to fill up my time, take a lot of college classes, stuff to keep me thinking about him less.. I'd cry..a lot.. when we break up and a lot after, maybe not every day...but definitely frequently. I have a bad habit of looking at old pictures and mentally picturing old memories when I am somewhere we went on a date or hung out together..

    It would destroy me.

  • 2 years of deeply feeling like sh*t and constantly feeling unwanted by everyone. Thinking about a lot of 'what if' situations, could of done things differently etc.

  • Everything a guy goes through, most likely. Pain, crying, feeling unattractive, blaming yourself, blaming him, being angry, missing him, not missing him, missing what you had, wanting affection, etc.

    In my entry for Worst Way You've Been Dumped on here, I was hurt very badly by the guy, and my self-confidence was destroyed. It took a long time to get it back, even partially. If other guys complimented me, I sometimes wouldn't believe them, because I wasn't "good enough" for my ex to stay with me.

  • I was dumped! We only went out for two months though so I was over it in about a month, but I still thought about him for a long time. We were also friends before we dated, so that's part of why I thought about him for so long. I did want him back but after a couple of weeks I realized that was a bad idea. I wasn't going to marry him, was i? I also went out with the girls and realized that he wasn't the best I could have and that he was lucky to have me! I moved on pretty quickly because I refused to sit at home and sulk, I went out and had fun :)

    During the period of time when I was really upset about him though, even though I wanted him back I did not object to any guy talking to me. A break up ruins my self esteem and having a guy hit on you does a lot for your self esteem. There are those seven stages of a break up that include anger, denial, bargaining... all that. I went through all of that. Break ups are tough... no matter what. I don't know your situation but if you're the dumper and you want your girl back, be aware that she's absolutely terrified that you're going to hurt her again. You broke up with her in the first place, and what's to say that you won't do it again? You have to gain her trust somehow, but sometimes that trust is just unattainable after you broke it the first time. It's like that analogy about the vase, once it's cracked, even if you put it all back together you can still see the cracks. All depends on the girl.

    Just be aware that if you end up winning her back, you're going to absolutely ruin her if you break up with her again. Think about whether it's worth it, if you weren't willing to fight the first time. Good luck :)


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