Ex boyfriend advice Help!!

My ex boyfriend and I dated for almost 6 years this July. We have been living together for three years. Within the past year the relationship felt like it started to go down hill with petty arguments (he runs a seasonal buisness and I work crazy shift work at a hospital) The stress of both jobs kind of got to us. We went away this past Jan and we had a great time :) he said it was the best trip we ever had--then suddenly he started to distant himself from me. The arguments started again. Then he dumped me the day before Valentine's day--the worst! He cried when he did it and said it was the hardest thing he's ever done! I got I love u, but not in love with you anymore.

He left the house for three months and started avoided me. I called him three times in the course of those months to ask him questions regarding our living situation (we live in the middle of nowhere and jobs are hard to come by right now, so that's why I haven't moved out, or I already would have)the third phone call he refused to answer.

He return back to the house trying to be all friendly with me. We talked here and there I try to keep my distance but he always comes around me. Telling me things about his life then asked if I was seeing anyone or been with anyone, I said it's really none of your business...then he said "I lost you!" but he made that choice.

He's been home two weeks now and has went from being really friendly so we can live together for the time being to being really mean to me like a bully! And distant again. I haven't done anything wrong. He said he's not over me, but I asked if he still has feelings for me and he replies with "well I care about u" I'm trying to move forward buts hard with him there, I suspect he's seeing someone because of a conversation I over heard he had on the phone, I know I shouldn't care. But it's sucks!

My question is why do you think he continues to play this hot and cold game with me. How can you go from being someone's everything to nothing the next.


Most Helpful Girl

  • Im in the same position (Kinda) except I was the dumpee, the day before valentines. A little different reasoning, my ex was abusive and had substance abuse problems, but none the less I left and had no interest in speaking to him. We have had the same hot and cold game since. Its my opinion that leaving someone you truly loved is harder than being left, because it was your choice, and panic sets in a times and you worry you made a big mistake, then you begin to question your decision and start spending time around them and you remember the reasons you left in the first place. I think he is honestly very confused on what he wants, my best advice try to find a different living situation or distance yourself from him as much as possible and contact him as little as possible. Let him find out what life is really like without you, if he really loves you he will realize it, and if he doesn't he will find peace with his new found freedom and move on.

    • You're he definitely seems confused and doesn't know what he wants! He'll ask for me to make sure I leave a couple of pictures of us around for him to keep. Either way I agree we do need our time apart and if it's meant to be it will happen. It's just very frustrating with all the mix signals! Either way thank you for your opinion :)

    • *You're right...

    • Yes of course! I know how hard it can be! But you'll get through it either way! Just do you and either he will realize he wants you or he won't and you will already be well on your way to moving on! Best of luck :) wish you all the happiness in your future!

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What Guys Said 4

  • I can't begin to understand his mindset. I would focus on getting away from him (and in your own place) as your #1 priority.

  • OMG? You seriously need to get away.. What is wrong with him? Drop him from your life.. and get away. I am sorry about that.

  • Unfortunately he will bring you nothing but grief and sadness for most time from now on, as this relationship seems to be a bit self destructive(at least due to one person..).

    He seems to have a hard staying put. I mean, 6 years, this is quite some time spent together and marriage seems to not be in the story at all?! Perhaps there's a deeper story that's not talked about here, behind the marriage topic, but he seems to have had some distractions along this relationship already either way!

    You should clearly get away from him!

    • Marriage was definitely something we both wanted! We had the talked about it a lot before he dumped me, we even discussed what colors, music, and where to married. Our relationship was great until the last year. Almost feels like we hit a 7 year itch! Either way his mix signals are very frustrating! And I'm trying my best to move forward.

  • did you meet or find someone, I mean another guy during the three months after he left the house?

    why did you call him just three months in three months. May be he was having a bad time in his business and he was confused what to do next. may be he expected and or needed some consolation from you during his bad phase of life if there was any and he didn't get it from u?

    U said you overheard him talking on the phone and you suspect he is seeing someone. May be he has the same feeling towards u.. May be he thinks there is another person in your life as well. did he have any conversation on it?

    • No I didn't meet someone else, it's kind of hard to get into the dating scene again when you've been with someone for almost 6 years. I only called him 3 times because two of those times he was mean to me so I decided to give him his space. Then apparently he updated his phone and lost all contacts, pics etc. so then he asked me to text my number along with pictures of us and dogs that he once had. I think arguing caused us to kind of become distant, but in the end I was fighting to make change

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