Is my boyfriend over his ex?

Ok so, I have been going out with my boyfriend for almost two years, he's my first love. He had split up with his ex of 7 years, just six months before we started dating. She is about 6 years older than him and is an extremely attractive and confident woman. She was his first love, they lived together for years and he helped raise her kids. But she left him for another man, leaving him heartbroken and pretty much suicidal (he admitted this to me).

He has always been a fantastic boyfriend to me, very attentive, caring and thoughtful and when we first started dating we got on well, but he was quite emotionally distant and quite closed about his feelings, but over the last 2 years he has gradually started to open up to me but he NEVER brings up his past relationship unless I ask him about it..never even mentions her name. I was quite insecure about it and wondered if he was over her. After about a 12 months into our relationship I asked him about her, and asked how their relationship ended and he spoke about it in very small detail, although I'm still unsure about what happened.

I also asked him if he missed her, he said that he did miss her and he will never forget what they had but he could never trust anyone that left him for another man. He doesn't appear to be that resentful about the situation but my gut tells me that it is just an act and that he is actually more affected than he lets on.

The reason I'm worried is that his ex lives directly across the road from him, he sees her and her new partner and kids EVERY DAY, and speak regularly which I believe would make the whole healing process almost impossible.

I have also noticed that whenever we walk from his house to the car he always walks really fast and about 10 paces in front of me (he usually walks along side me) and glances over to her house and I feel its because he doesn't want his ex to see us together. He also appears to get quite distant and withdrawn when 'break up' songs come on the radio and I can't help but think that he is thinking about her, and the way things used to be between them.

Although when we had that conversation over a year ago he said that the break up seems to have affected her more than it affected him. When she found out that we were going out, she decided she wanted him back and as far as I gather she has told him this (although he was still very vague when talking about it). But nothing came of it (he wouldn't have mentioned that to me only for I asked him)

I don't want to bring up the subject if I don;t have to as I don;t want to look like a paranoid, insecure girlfriend. I trust him completely and know he would never cheat and he wants us to move in together in a couple of months .I know he loves me and believe that he is trying to get over her, but I'm worried that I will always be his second best and its eating me up. Please help, all opinions appreciated.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Why bring up the past? It's really painful when your ex leaves you for another man, so I guess he's trying to deal with it still. I don't know if it's a good idea or not and I don't know when's the best time to ask but I would ask him straight will he ever get back with her ? Is there even a small possibility? If his answer is confidant then trust him, if he doesn't answer and hesitant well it could mean anything. It's easier said than done but make him aware you are with him now, and that's what's affecting you both and that's what really matters now, what's in the past is finished.

    You shouldn't feel like your second best as you had nothing to do with his previous relationship.

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What Guys Said 1

  • It seems like he's not completely over his ex. Rest assured, he's still into you, and wants you in the long term.

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What Girls Said 2

  • i think time will heal. nurture him like a flower in your garden and he will grow deeply.

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  • It just seems to me that it was a very painful time for him so probably doesn't want to talk about it. It's very hard if someone is bringing his hurt and pain to the surface as it's probably something he never wants to experience again. His barriers may be up as leaving a guy for another must have made him quite insecure so I guess you can call it self preservation. This doesn't mean he's not over her it may mean he's just not over the pain that he went through and may have a bit of anger still brewing deep inside.
    He's talking about moving in together so he's talking future with you which is a positive, the best thing for him is to move away from the street when she's not in his face and a constant reminder. out of sight, out of mind as they say. You can both then focus on your future together x

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