For the ladies ... friend problems! Has it happened to you?

I have this one friend who recently got back together with her disrespectful boyfriend. I spent 3 months trying to help her get through her situation when she broke up with him. On Saint Patrick's Day there was a parade in town and I was suppose to go with her but I didn't know that her "man" was going to be there and so therefore she ditched me for him. Now I know that would not be considered a friend and I didn't tell her anything about it until she brought an issue she had with me. The issue was me being serious around her and not acting like myself. I told her what I thought was wrong and she apologized for it.

She didn't want to tell me she was back with her ex boy friend because she knows how I feel about him and she knows I am always straight forwards with my feelings, regardless of who you are. Eventually she began asking me for advice pertaining to this idiot and me being her friend I gave her the best positive advice I could. It's basically a dysfunctional and violent relationship, a relationship I've experienced on my own a while ago. She kept asking me for advice and I got upset and told her I couldn't keep giving her advice because it is her relationship and I didn't want to get involved. I voiced my opinion about her relationship and her boyfriend and she got upset so she stopped talking to me because of it. I understand that is her man and she loves him but she's really sstupid in going back with him But whatever, everyone learns their lesson as some point. Anyways.. I saw her and him at the gym and I felt badbecause we got into an argument because of that piece of **** and sit bothers me because I thought our frieendship was stronger thhan that, but I gues I was wrong. Anyways.. has this ever happened to any of you?


Most Helpful Girl

  • Yes, it is common for your friends, even so-called best friends, to not listen to advice. You just have to accept the fact that people will do as they please regardless of what you tell them. Sometimes it's better for them to live their life and learn from their own mistakes for them to fully grasp it. I've had several "I told you so" moments with my best friend who is no longer with the significant other in question. I never got a "you were right" or a "I should have listened to you" from her; and I never rubbed it in her face. I learned to give advice from a neutral stand point, not judging or letting my opinions of the other person get in the way. As you get older it becomes easier to just listen and agree. No matter how frustrating that sounds, you'll be happier, and keep your friendship going. Also, remember that not everyone thinks as logical as you do; your friend could have unresolved issues that she needs to work on by herself if she keeps going back to an abusive relationship.

    • I mean she kept asking for my advice about a certain situation and I told her something and she wanted another answer. I got frustrated and told her off, stating I didn't want to become involved in her relationship because I didn't want to lose her friendship. But I guess that is out the door :(. I understand that when you're in-love you don't think rationally. Afterwards though, you want to bash your head and keep asking yourself why you never listened . But I'll just give her space and time

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What Guys Said 2

  • All the time. It's the true meaning of religion and it takes an especially thick skin with nerves of steel to have it "not affect you". Later you'll understand what that means and it'll have a reaction of "she'll find her own happiness" and you won't even care about him/their situation, you'll only care about her. Not even yourself. It's new to me feeling this way atleast, I don't know if it's lasting or not but it definitely helps to realize that it's easier to give than it is to get. So I just give my acceptance of their adolescent behavior and move on to the bigger brighter aspects of life.

    On the bright side, your grammar and spelling really impressed me, which was the first question out of many that I've read. Keep it up. And just out of curiosity, did her boyfriend hit on you or something? It feels to me like there's something deeper that wasn't divulged in the question. I don't mean to make it out like some "spot light".. It just seems you were really hurt by "him" or someone like him..? I love to listen, hate to talk, so if you ever need to just let it go feel free to write.

    ~ ArtistBBoy

    • I wasn't hurt by him at all, I just simply experienced a relationship somewhat like hers. He did hit in me once but that was last year at a Halloween party and I mentioned it to her. She knows how he gets when he is drunk.. A little too friendly with females. I'm not hurt by that but that goes to show what type of man he is I guess. I've had one of my ex friends be in my position and when I was in hers I didn't understand why she was so upset but now I do lol. Maybe karma :)

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    • Haha I'm not weak I'm just too honest sometimes and that gets me into trouble. Yeah, I don't want her to get hurt but no one can prevent it except her. But you are right! Everyone fends for themselves .

  • He turns her on and you need to take a seat. Everything is always clear and simple when you're not the one involved.

    • If she keeps asking for my advice about this so called relationship I'm going to tell her. I don't look for her, she looks for me and I haven't my own problems in my own life to worry about than someone else's relationship. I told her this and she got upset. I'm not Oprah . And I'm going to be honest about someone and give my opinion if I am asked. She gets me involved and I told her I didn't want to so I told her. Does that clarify things for you?

    • Have**** typo.

What Girls Said 1

  • The closest to this situation I have been in was when I was in high school. One of my good friends had a boyfriend, I had never had a boyfriend. She would still make time for us, which was nice, us girls would still hang out. I didn't know this guy well, but his behavior really made me uncomfortable and rubbed me the wrong way.

    When he was around with all of us girls, he always had to be touching her. He'd pull her into his lap, have to have his arm around her or whatever, in the middle of her trying to have a conversation with us he'd be pulling her closer. So that was a little awkward, we'd be trying to have girl talk and he'd be all up on her.

    But it was when he wasn't around and what he did that kind of concerned me. There were many instances when just us girls would be chilling, and he would always be texting her or trying to call her. And he was always asking where she was and who she was with, and she would tell him, but he still wouldn't leave her alone.

    Well one night we were celebrating her birthday, he had stopped by to pick up something he left at her house, so he knew we were all staying in and hanging out. And it was the same sh*t when he left. He was driving to a different state to visit family. And she got a call from him, same thing. Who are you with, what are you doing. She told him, she was still with us (he had left from her house maybe like an hour earlier) and we were going to watch a movie. She left her phone in another room during the movie. Two or so hours, when it was over, she got her phone, and had nearly 30 missed calls, all from him. She called in a panic, thinking he had gotten into a car accident or something. But he just missed her, and wanted to talk to her, and wanted to know who she was with and what she was doing. She was a little angry, told him they would talk when she was done hanging out with her friends.

    After that, I really didn't like the guy. It really freaked me out that he had called that many times, to check up on her, when he had seen her mere hours before and knew exactly what her plans were for the night. So I would get a little irritated when he was around. And that became "you're just jealous of what we have" and our friendship went downhill from there.