Dropping friends for boyfriend? HELP!

I am sorry for the long talk, but I REALLY need help I am completely going insane...please somebody make me see the truth. I am about to see a counselor but I can't handle myself until then...

I have always been the person who would NEVER EVER drop a friend for a boyfriend, doesn't matter if it was boy or girl. I always believed in friendship much more than love, and for this reason I kept my ex's as good friends. They were absolutely comfortable with me dating someone new and everything was going well...until I met my current boyfriend.

He seemed extremely jealous from the beginning of the relationship (when I didn't even think of him as a potential boyfriend), but things got worse and worse as he began being depressed and getting drunk every time he knew I had been with one of them (all this in a matter of 2 or 3 months), even if it was just a quick trip to the mall and come back home. I tried to put myself on the other side and understood that we were, in fact, too close for normal friends. So I started asking them to back off, back off, back off, and they accepted. First, I stopped going to their houses. Then, I stopped seeing them alone. Then, I stopped seeing them in person...eventually, just asking "how are you?" started being forbidden. There came a day when my boyfriend said: "Either they go or I go. They must be completely cut off as if they were dead." I was absolutely terrified and surprised at myself as I chose the impulsive thing (I used to be absolutely rational and practical), staying with my boyfriend against everything that I had believed in the past.

Since this time, he has been acting so perfectly with me, treating me well everyday, being tender to my family and making me feel so safe when thinking about a future with him. The problem is, I can't help but to feel that my whole personality is gone. Each time I'm feeling that I am the one submitting to his rules (not just in this, but also sexual matters). I used to be so much fun to be around, I used to talk about everything so openly, I was so relaxed, so rational, so calm in taking my decisions...and this guy completely turned my life upside down. I never thought I would be this kind of girl...I am depressed everyday, crying everyday, I am not sure of anything anymore, my values, my personality...I am doubting absolutely EVERYTHING in my life.

One last thing...my friends are still willing to take me back but I keep thinking that if I let go of my boyfriend I will be alone and absolutely empty. He made me feel so guilty about my behaviors and my thoughts (I am completely repressed), I'm thinking every guy who I meet in the future will find me a slut and not want anything from me...or maybe all the guys will have the same problem with me, want me to leave my ex's and I will be back in the same place, having lost someone I love just to meet the same point again..

What would you do? Please! I don't recognize myself anymore!


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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • Short answer: dump him.

    Reasons: he's a manipulator; you see _and CHOOSE to allow_ the manipulation. The problem is when you give away your integrity and submit to him.

    A strange mechanism of manipulation is the manipulator first manipulates self, then acts as a manipulator of others.

    He needs to dominate your life completely, and you're letting him do it. You made the choice to be manipulated.

    Your friends willingness to take you back illustrates how they feel about you and probably their sorrow because of what's happening to you; how you've changed.

    About your (illogical) thinking about "every guy," read on:

    My wife (profile picture) believed herself to be "washed up," unusable, and unattractive to any one when she got out of her first marriage. We met. That was it. We were happily married for almost 25 years. I had pretty much given up on women.

    We had been married for about 10 years. Her brother asked whether there was "love at first sight." Um...we were not a completely objective couple...we assured him that it is possible.



What Girls Said 1

  • Well you have two choices...You can't get mad at your boyfriend because being jealous is a boys way in saying he care about you and he don't want any guy to have you and pretty much any guy I know would get mad that you was talking to a ex because he's a ex you was once involved with him you may not feel like y'all would get back on that road but you just might you never know and your boyfriend don't want you to have that option of being with them over him. You also got to think about the future do you want to be married to someone who is crazy jealous all the time? It has a billion of guys on the earth he can't just stop you from talking to them all. And once again it has a billion guys on this earth you can always find someone else much much better. God bring you through obstacles to learn from them so in the future you already know what you should do because of the knowledge you learned in the past. If you want to leave him someone much better will come along. I always thought if I broke up with this guy that I will never find anybody better and a couple of months later I did without me even knowing it. Live life don't be pulled away from it. Hoped I helped.


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