I have always been the person who would NEVER EVER drop a friend for a boyfriend, doesn't matter if it was boy or girl. I always believed in friendship much more than love, and for this reason I kept my ex's as good friends. They were absolutely comfortable with me dating someone new and everything was going well...until I met my current boyfriend.
He seemed extremely jealous from the beginning of the relationship (when I didn't even think of him as a potential boyfriend), but things got worse and worse as he began being depressed and getting drunk every time he knew I had been with one of them (all this in a matter of 2 or 3 months), even if it was just a quick trip to the mall and come back home. I tried to put myself on the other side and understood that we were, in fact, too close for normal friends. So I started asking them to back off, back off, back off, and they accepted. First, I stopped going to their houses. Then, I stopped seeing them alone. Then, I stopped seeing them in person...eventually, just asking "how are you?" started being forbidden. There came a day when my boyfriend said: "Either they go or I go. They must be completely cut off as if they were dead." I was absolutely terrified and surprised at myself as I chose the impulsive thing (I used to be absolutely rational and practical), staying with my boyfriend against everything that I had believed in the past.
Since this time, he has been acting so perfectly with me, treating me well everyday, being tender to my family and making me feel so safe when thinking about a future with him. The problem is, I can't help but to feel that my whole personality is gone. Each time I'm feeling that I am the one submitting to his rules (not just in this, but also sexual matters). I used to be so much fun to be around, I used to talk about everything so openly, I was so relaxed, so rational, so calm in taking my decisions...and this guy completely turned my life upside down. I never thought I would be this kind of girl...I am depressed everyday, crying everyday, I am not sure of anything anymore, my values, my personality...I am doubting absolutely EVERYTHING in my life.
One last thing...my friends are still willing to take me back but I keep thinking that if I let go of my boyfriend I will be alone and absolutely empty. He made me feel so guilty about my behaviors and my thoughts (I am completely repressed), I'm thinking every guy who I meet in the future will find me a slut and not want anything from me...or maybe all the guys will have the same problem with me, want me to leave my ex's and I will be back in the same place, having lost someone I love just to meet the same point again..
What would you do? Please! I don't recognize myself anymore!