Dumped ex because I was scared. Ready now. What do I do?

Okay, a little back story. We’re both in our mid 20’s. She is going to turn 25 soon and I’m 24.5 . We both have great jobs and our careers/life together. I broke up with the greatest girl I’d ever met 3 months ago because I was scared of commitment and worried I hadn’t had enough life experiences yet. This was something I had been thinking about for months and finally pulled the trigger on. Part of me wishes I hadn’t, but the stupid feeling wouldn’t go away.

I went out and experienced a lot of things for 2.5 months after we broke up. Thought about her at least once a week, but did not feel I was ready to talk to her. Maybe I should have……… :/

I finally realized was ready for a true commitment and to talk to her about 2 weeks ago. First thing I did was stupid. I seemed to thing she was at the same place emotionally as before or as me (selfish, I know), not realizing she may have moved on. I thought this because we we’re still tagged together in all our pics on Facebook. So, I texted her one afternoon asking her if she still walked on the trail behind her house. She didn’t answer. I texted her again 2 hrs later and said I would be on the trail today for a run and hoped to see her, but would understand if I didn’t. She never showed……… I wait 3 hrs. I was so hurt, I went right to her house and LIGHTLY knocked on her door. She didn’t answer so I texted her again and said I just wanted to talk and see how she is doing. She responded “I’m fine, but I am uncomfortable with you coming to my house uninvited, please go. Thank you”. I apologized and quickly left. I knew I shouldn’t have done it but I let my emotions take over. I also text her and asked if she hated me? Also stupid, I know now. She said she did not hate me, but was not ready to talk or be friend right now. I said I understand and left it at the for a little over a week.

The following week I texted her and apologized again for showing up at her apartment. I told her it was foolish and I shouldn’t have surprised her like that. She didn’t answer. The next day she untagged all of our pictures together on Facebook. I was really hurt by that, but didn’t untag mine just yet. Her mom text me the following night and said “Please leave **** alone she is finally moving on with her life”. Then she said “Call me if you need to talk”. I had a pretty good relationship with her mom in the past so I figured I’d call and tell her how much I cared about her daughter and why I couldn’t just let her go. We talked and her mom supported me. Told me to send her daughter flowers ASAP and a letter. I didn’t think it was a good idea, but I figured her mom knew best. So I spent 3 hours writing a letter and another hour picking out flowers.

In the letter I tried to start it off by being funny……. Told her to go look at a funny video online before reading any further. Seems dumb now. Then I basically told her how I still thought about her and why it took me so long to contact her again and how sorry I was for hurtin
Updates:



She sent me an email the following day. She did not thank me for the flowers or anything. She just said she hopes what I said about improving myself was true and that I did it for myself and not for her. Then she sa
Then she said that she asked me to leave her alone before, and she meant it (text from when I first tried to contact her 2 weeks ago). She then followed with how I made a mistake and I have to live with my decision and she is sorry the grass wasn’t greener. Finally, she said "For the last time, please leave me alone, allow me to move on with my life, and find some happiness of my own – I suggest you do the same. If or when I'm ready I will contact you"
How do I interpret this? Some have said she is hurt but obviously still cares...

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Most Helpful Girl

  • How long were you together what were you like with each other when hyou were together?
    depends on what sort of relationship you had it could mean she is still hurt by what you did and is now scared herself, (this is how this fear starts) and thinks if she takes you back she will get burnt and never get over it!

    my bf first brokke up with me a week into relationship saying he just didn't feel as strong as i did, we had this amazing connection and chemistry we could talk about anything and everything policitcs everything we were on same level he came back a month later when i asked if he wanted drinks pretty much regretting his decision told me he was terrified it was all too good to be true and id turn out like his ex and hed get his heart broken.

    i took him back cause i couldnt fight that connection we had after three months of staying at mine 3 days a week (other four days he had his son) he would text me all day everyday we always said morning to each toher and night he would tell me he missed me after only one day and that he loved me but couldnt say "i love you" yet i syupidly spoke about our future and pushed it making him push me away one morning it was all morning babe xxxx can't wait to see you tonight xxxx
    then by evening he had convinced himself of leaving me he turned up told me he liked me but didn't go beyond that (obvious bull****) by pushing the future talk i scared him, now he thinks (i really know him well as he does me ) if he hurts me saying he doesn't feel for me then ill move on he tells me i can find a guy a hell of a lot better than him and he is not this hgreat guy i think he is. He claims it is not like the first time he dumped me however he given me the same speech.

    I know he is scared we grew so close and were best friends and always together when we could be and he has even told me two days after break up he misses me. i will wait for him cause we were that close and i love him. But many won't

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What Girls Said 4

  • holy crap.! take some time off to your self... he does not treat you good. please move on...if she said this "For the last time, please leave me alone, allow me to move on with my life, and find some happiness of my own – I suggest you do the same. If or when I'm ready I will contact you" the break off completely ok.. go on with your life and make your self busy

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  • No interpretation necessary. She said what she feels and where she is at. She probably does still care, but the situation does not allow her to feel comfortable coming back to you especially if she knows the reason was to "experience other things." You can say okay and you understand but if she does change her mind you are willing to try to make things work because you understand the mistakes you made and the guy she ends up with will be a very lucky man. Next time try to think with the head on your neck before making a decision like this.

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  • That type of anger from her could mean she's still hurt from what you did and still loves you, but she's protecting herself. OR it can really mean she thinks very low of you and wants to be left alone.

    I recommend, saying how you feel about her (whole heartedly without sounding gay) and then telling her you are going to respect her wishes. Then end communication.

    If you have any shot at all, you won't know by constantly bugging her, you need to disappear and make her think/miss you.

    Goodluck

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  • I feel like I'm in the same perdicament I'm the girl in this case... this guy completely cut me off without an explanation about 3 months ago I'm so offended because I felt like sh*t everyday because of it so I feel like now if he came back my feelings have drained so bad that it's kind of like I'm numb now... just allow her to vent and back off she will come back she just wants you to probably feel as bad as she did. I would take advantage if I were her too that the ball is finally in her court.

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What Guys Said 3

  • It's over. You came to your own conclusion about the matter so she must come to her own conclusion as well. There's always the chance that she'll come around the same way you did, but it sounds likely that she won't.

    She knows you regret it obviously but she'll have to determine for herself what she wants to do.

    The best you can do is learn from the experience. You might always have thoughts about her but don't that let you stop from experience and enjoying things with other people.

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  • Dude I hope you learned that you can't date a girl for 3 months, ditch her and come crawling back. She probably thinks you'll do it again! Time to move on and leave her alone.

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  • It's time to move on. You can't go back to her considering you've hurt her a lot.

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