A guy that I've been seeing doesn't want a relationship, will it ever work?

I've been seeing this cute guy ever since the beginning of this year. Everything was great, we went on many very cute dates, made out, and such...I slowly fallen for him. Yet, in the beginning of March, one night, I was asking him if he wants to hang out the next day, he told me that he is lightly depressed right now because he still hasn't gotten over his ex. He thought he was ready to date again, but he really isn't ready. His ex cheated on him and so did the one before his ex. He was crying at the time when we were texting and he also told me that he is seeing a therapist about it now.

The next day, I asked him to come out to dinner with me so he can feel better. In the restaurant, he told me that he is not ready for relationship, and he can't give me more if I want to. If I want to be with someone who wants a relationship now, he'd understand that if I want to end what we have now. He said that I really enjoy your company and he'd like to be friends just for now. I agreed that we should be friends for now, we chatted for one hour more or so, before we departed our ways, he kissed me on the cheek and said thank you for being understanding.

Ever since then, we see each other almost everyone other week, and we constantly emailing each other. The last time that I saw he was last Friday, we went to a cute restaurant, chatted for hours, as we walked over to the subway, he suggested that we should watch a movie or he has netflix at home. I didn't know what movie we should watch, and I didn't want to go to his home, cause I'm afraid that he might want to do something more. So, we rain-checked it and we our separated ways. Again, he kissed me on the cheeks.

This week, he didn't really responded to my emails that often... normally he'd reply within two days, but not this time... I'm slightly scared and frustrated that his ex girlfriend might contact him and he'd go back to her without saying anything. He told me that he isn't seeing anyone else right now in March, but I don't know if he is seeing right now beside me.

I'm frustrated, because he is a great guy, funny, cute, honest, well-educated, yet flawed and wounded. I know that the possibility of me getting hurt is really high, but he can't stop myself liking him and secretly care for him.

I wish he can heal and like me back. I'm giving him as much space as he needs right now and just being a friend. What should I do? It's probably for the best if I stop seeing him, but it's hard. Please give me some advises! Thank you!

PS. We slept together once, but no more physical contact after he told me that he can't be in a relationship besides he kisses me on the cheeks every time before we go our separate ways.
As far as I know, he probably still love his ex. He doesn't want to be in a relationship because he is still waiting for her to come back to him. He mentioned it couple of of times that she has anorexic problem, mood swings, and other problems, and I was wondering why makes him loved her so much that even she cheated on him. Love makes people crazy, I suppose. I'm a very nice person, who doesn't have problems even close those. I just wish I've met him early... I believe we

can be a good couple


Most Helpful Guy

  • It seems that he's just not that into you because he still have strong feelings for his ex.

    You should just find a new guy now.

    • I agree, yet, I believe that he likes me enough to keep me around? I don't know if he is seeing someone at this moment, but it's not really my position to ask, since he is not planning on being in a relationship right now anyways.

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What Guys Said 2

  • "I'm frustrated, because he is a great guy, funny, cute, honest, well-educated, yet flawed and wounded. I know that the possibility of me getting hurt is really high, but he can't stop myself liking him and secretly care for him. "- I think you love him, but can't put it in simple words haha.

    When you love someone, you gotta go stronger for them, and fight for your right to love him. You don't own someone when you love them, but you are supporting them. A loving person, will show a reflection of the other person's better version of themselves, and that loving person will support and encourage the other person to bring out their best.

    Do you really wanna give up? Listen to your feelings and heart, don't listen to your ideas and thoughts. If a man's heart is broken, the only person that can repair it is a woman. Show him you are worth it, show him you care, show him that you are here to help, move on, and fall in love again.

    • haha, I sound so pathetic. Seriously. Is it even possible to fall in love with someone so quickly? I barely know him, really. I guess I didn't want to get hurt and this is why I kept my feelings hidden, but I know he likes me that's why he keeps me on the side. It frustrates me that he's been slow at replying emails. I'm not ready to give up yet, but if he doesn't want me in the end, I know I'd be devastated.

    • Maybe you should open up and take a chance. Maybe he's waiting for you to share your feelings. He's not gonna ask for it, you'll have to say it to him.

    • Perhaps. He emailed me last night. This is probably not the best time to tell him how I feel, maybe next month or so. It's better for him to deal with his emotions alone right now. When my ex of 3 years broke up with me, it took me one year and 8 months to get back to normal, so I know it takes time. I will be patient for now.

  • It all depends if you think the risk-reward is worth it.

    Do you think waiting for him to get over his ex will be worth it? What if you miss the chance on another great guy during this time? Do you think the risk of you being heartbroken is worth it?

    If you really want to be with him and risk all of that stuff, then just give him time. And let him know that you're willing to give him time.

    • I'm trying my best to be just a friend, giving him time and space. I'm not invading his personal space, cause I know he needs time to clear his head and all. I've been dated around but majority of them aren't that great. He is the first person who I actually went on 2nd date with. I really like him, I know I should date around more, but online dating frustrates me, so I'm taking a little break from it. Not sure if it's worth the risk, but I know if he wants to be with me, I'd treat him right.

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