Best friend and I falling for each but staying friends? and my best friend both are not over our exes

2. we fell for each other cause we are both what we want in a partner completely and we love each other but not in love with each other if that makes sense

3. the feelings for our exes and each other are conflicting us so multiple times we've tried to stay friends and not kiss but we failed, we had sex like 2 sessions and one quickie but we are planning to never do that again.

4. we have so much damn chemistry and he;s my best friend ever, we support care and love each other and always there for each other and hence we don't wanna ruin the friendship

5. let me just say I have taken measures to get over my toxic ex which is cut ties with him so I may get over my ex sooner than him

6. my relationship with my ex lasted 3 years ,his 8 yrs, and I'm more over my ex than he is with his and he still has somewhat a bit contact with his ex cause he feels guilty how his ex father died last year

7. I've been single for 6 mths and him 11 mths

8. we spend a lot of time together

9. we get jealous when other people get interested in either of us and we say we don't get jealous but then the way we react we both no is jealousy

10. we don't wanna distance cause we wanna face our dilemma here and fix it

11. we really wanna get back onto be best friends and we wanna go with the flow ...we both hope that one day destiny will let us actually end up together

12. we both admitted that we both have thought about marrying each other, what our kids would be like, and we kinda joke about situations with our future kids which is kinda weird for besties to do

13. it's hard to want other people when he's this amazing guy and everything I ever wanted in a man, and he says I' the perfect girl too

14. Anyone has ever been in a situation like this , what's your advice?

He says he wants to be single for a while and be over his ex and if to ever be with me to give me 100% and I appreciate that and I wanna do the same for him ...I wish he would just take the chance and risk and be with me...cause I'm willing to take that risk one day

I never wanna rush him or myself cause I want to be with him when it's right..and I've never told him I wanna be his girlfriend right now and he says he never wants to hold me back.. when we decided to just stay friends we both cried and we both felt like it was some break up of a relationship that didn't exist.we both hurt for each other and love each other and we both don't ever wanna lose each other in he constantly says to me " I don't ever wanna lose you, don't ever stop being in my life"

We wanna try and just stay best friends right now...honestly I don't wanna stay friends forever...but he means so damn much to me that if I just have a friendship that we have which is already so true and beautiful and makes me happy...then I am willing to be his best friend for life...he always says when he thinks of me being with someone else
Correction it's his ex's dad that died not his. I know I am gonna not show him affection and be as accessible to him...i can't let myself fall deep in love with him...gonna get to know new people and guys


Most Helpful Guy

  • 1) Disaster waiting to happen

    2) It doesn't, but cool good for you, everyone has their own reasons of why they are attracted to each other.

    3) You guys have strong physical attraction for each other.

    4) Then date, quit running from something you both want.

    5) Why are you still talking about your ex's. They don't matter, you guys don't talk to them anymore...etc?

    6) Guilty? Umm, you might rephrase that.. Otherwise, sounds like you've come to terms with it, so why mention that part?

    7) OK...? What are you wanting? A relationship? A one night lay? He's cute, you like him, he listens to you, what are you waiting for? Besides running from the fear of your ex?

    8) Ok...

    9) okayyy

    10) What's the dilemma? Just date already

    11) Reverting a relationship to a friendship is impossibly difficult, and it sounds like both of you like each other, strongly, so why try and fight the grain on this one?

    12) Support for my previous statements.

    13) Sweet talk, are you sure he's sincere/genuine? (E.g. he hasn't done this to his ex?)

    14) Run, like hell. Eventually you will fall for him harder than you've fallen for any man. In which you will also open the doorway for a vulnerability that establishes excrutiating pain. Is that worth it? Cause you could enjoy his company without needing to open that doorway for pain.

    Re: Being single - Simply interact with him more and respect his choice. Pushing will only push yourself away from him, unless he's weaker minded about what he wants from life, in which I wouldn't recommend pursuing that type of man and I refuse to give my own discretion as to why. It's something you have to experience on a contextual individual basis.

    Manipulating the situation is the only way you will push this situation along but it's not the manipulation most think. My simple suggestion to increase the likelihood he's moving towards dating you, is to be the girlfriend he wants to date. Have a lifestyle and be optimistic/nonchalant. etc Try to get an idea as to what you want from life and be that person.

    You guys are probably incompatible with how much you are talking about you guys desperately wanting to be together yet there's so many fine-print conditionals to you guys being a couple. Just sayin'

    Reverting a friendship to a relationship is more difficult than I can handle, you may be different. See aforementioned advice. Emotions usually are too strong to bear, causing you to crack under pressure and further push the said individual away. Hence why I don't waste my time on maintaining an old flame with an ex. It can be dramatic and nothing but headaches, tis your choice to make.

    Finding new mates to mingle with is a manipulation trick I don't support. If I was in his shoes, I would delete you from my life indefinitely. I understand WHY you would consider doing something like that, to prevent yourself from falling deeper, but by not fighting for what you want (WHILE respecting me) you are showing that you are too weak to be my fiance in the future

    • I honestly thinking about it it's not worth destroying our friendship...i know he's still in love with his matter how bad she was he loves her and I should find someone I'm not a second option .i wanna be someone's first choice...I just don't get how he says I'm way better than his ex in every aspect...and we just talked a while ago...he doesn't want me dating others cause it would hurt him...but I'm not ready to date anyone right now...I am just gonna spend less time with him,

    • I have to stop being so accessible and spend less time with him, he lives like a minute away from me . I just can't distance myself he's my best friend...yea I can't let myself fall in love with him... I honestly think he's most likely to jump back to his ex wo treats him like sh*t but is in love with her,...than to be with me the perfect girl < like he says I am and he knows I'd make him more happy...I think I rather save a friendship and just not enter a relationship with him...sadly

    • You gotta acknowledge your feelings then and choose to make a decision in spite of them. That decision is gonna eat you up inside and is often a lot harder than anyone can possibly explain in words. Do what's right for you, even if it means walking away forever. Tough love girl, good luck.

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What Guys Said 4

  • I think your best bet is to let things be for a while. Maintain the status quo, try not to sucomb to the sexual temptation but don't flat out deny the urge too.

    Mixing sex into it could be danger but also simply denying the urge simply to deny could end up with one person feeling rejected or hurt.

    I say let things go for a while because being in a relationship for 8yrs your man has got to figure out stuff for a bit. BUT I do think that the relationship could work, I would just try to let things happen naturally and when you both feel comfortable. If there is ever a moment that it seems like things are getting touchy take a step back and re-evaluate.

    The worse thing you could do is ruin your friendship. the best thing you could do is find an amazing life partner... but life is long and you are relatively young so take your time. Both of you get to places where you feel like you are over your ex's or at least able to move into another relationship

  • I think if you're half interested in someone you're not gaining any benefits of 'staying single'.

    You might as well go forward together.

    I have no doubt both of you made mistakes in your last relationship. Yes, it can be helpful to take stock single and get yourself in a good place, but often that falls apart when you try to carry it into a relationship anyway.

    So I'd suggest you two both go ahead and move forward. Communicate lots. Destiny won't give you a good relationship, a mutual desire to be open and honest, to please each other and to let the other know what you need to be happy, to show appreciation when they come through, and to take joy in knowing you satisfy each other, that's what will give you a good relationship.

  • This is hard for me to answer while being truthfull. sorry.

    • Yea maybe your answer is that me and him won't happen...but I love him so I'll be his best friend for life...he actually cried and begged me in the car to not leave him when I had a moment of uncertainty and wanted distance for a month...i am not gonna stop being his friend...i just gotta move on from my ex and him at the same hurts alot

  • Advice? You should go out to dates.

    • did you read the whole thing? we can't we are still not over exes, especially him which is sad

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