Why is my boyfriend only attentive when I want to break up?

Otherwise he'll say he's gonna call after work or whatever else he's doing, but then doesn't call or always says he fell asleep which is doubtful. I've told him to hit the ramp and after a day or two he's so remorseful that he pursues me until I "give in" (granted I do love him). I just can't stand the constant roller coaster. What's his point for pushing me away then pulling me back in?
Updates:
Well I should have mentioned a few points here.. We've known each other over 35 years. I'm 47, he's 50. He just got out of a 20 year prison stint he did for smuggling drugs. He lives in another state than I do. He's on federal probation. ...But most importantly is that I am so completely done with this dude, it's not even funny. He is basically infatuated with my looks and this is why he kept coming around.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • I will be honest. I know exactly where you are coming from with my girlfriend. She tends to "fall asleep" all of the time, and nobody can sleep that much. Not even the dead...but at any rate, I haven't tried to tell her to hit the bricks because I know that she will take the window and burst through it running full speed. I love her too much to give her that window to leave me...But I can say that she claims to try to get better about everything that I tell her is bothering me, when she can tell I'm really upset :/ so yea, I'm just saying, sometimes its for the best to cut them loose and then if good things are meant to be yours, they will reform their ways, and come back to you. Much like I did to return to my Girlfriend. I love her and it sounds like you love your man too. Just tell him that you love him but you can't take anymore of this back and forth you are having to deal with. But like I said, BE SURE YOU TELL HIM EXACTLY HOW YOU FEEL. Be as clear as possible about it. Goodluck, I hope it works out.

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What Guys Said 7

  • 1. It may or may not be that you are creating a roller coaster - as aMuse says

    2. What age is your boyfriend to begin with? - a lot may depend on that factor too

    3. There could be so many reasons

    3.1. Is he dependant on you for anything materialistic? say like money

    3.2. He knows you love him so he takes you for granted from time to time (even if unwittingly)

    3.3. He is genuinely bound with work so thinks you'll understand and stand by him

    3.4. The 'he fell asleep' is a sign of not wanting to be with you except for some certain reasons say like sex or money or shelter

    3.4.1. this also happens if the partner (in this case you) is considered as not understanding various aspects of the other person and / or being too demanding etc

    4. He could be in 2 minds for various reasons too - he could also be stressed up with work or something else

    5. He probably doesn't also like and want to hurt you.

    Too little to try and judge someone. Best is to confront and ask him in a nice way, maybe things may get sorted out

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  • Madame, if you are sure that you are done then why these lingering doubts. Do away with it! that way you and he both will get a life (maybe after a few run ins initially) :)

    When something happens once then you may allow the heart to rule the mind but when it becomes something so nagging that you got to write here for help / advice then better let the mind rule the heart :)

    Good luck to you

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  • cool profile name.

    i think you know the answer to your question. because he's lazy and doesn't want to put in the effort of a relationship. It's like a a person who might only drink water when he's suddenly dehydrated or only send a bill when it's bill day or past due. He essentially doesn't see the need to maintain something or realize that even when you've got something you still have to put effort into it until it's gone. When it's suddenly snatched away from him he will fight for it to come back but once it's back he goes back to that comfort level and doesn't make the effort again.

    As the saying goes, "you don't what you've got til it's gone". He doesn't realize what he has until it's gone but even worse when he gets it back he still isn't grateful and make an effort to keep it

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  • You need to look within yourself. You need to stop thinking you can change or save him...you can't and never will be able to do so. Make a clean break. Change your phone number. Find new friends who don't know him. Move to another location if needed. He's not worth your bother. He's always going to be in trouble with the law and you don't need his baggage. Again, save your grief and shut your emotional door on him. Just because you've known him all these years is not a good reason to continue giving him your time or emotions. Find another man.

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  • Maybe you haven't given him any attention in the past and assumes that is the comfort level you are in. Perhaps you should read him a "riot act"...

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  • Sounds like you're the one creating the roller coaster.

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  • Because he needs you, but doesn't want you.

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What Girls Said 3

  • The question is, why do you go back with him?

    Its obvious he already knows the trick into getting you back.

    You're just simply wasting your time on a guy that isn't giving you the attention that you deserve.

    You know he is lying when he tells you everything will change but you still go back with him.

    You could be so much more without him, even being with a way better guy than him.

    Life is too short. Dump his a** to the curve and move forward with your life.

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  • Why does a guy contact you after you dump him? He is keeping you under his thumb to boost his ego and lessen his discomfort about the breakup. Sounds like you are in an addictive cycle of breakup-honeymoon phase-followed by his self-serving, rejecting, punishing behavior. Dump this jerkiod and look for a man who will love you and treat you with respect and adoration. Nancy Nichols, author Never Date a Dead Animal website: God,PleaseFixMe

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  • My ex was like this too until he eventually quit spending time with me and returning my calls

    When guys act like this, they don't care because if they did it wouldn't take you reaching your breaking point and threatening to end things.

    They just don't want you to leave because they haven't found a replacement yet.he wants you to stick around till he finds a new one...don't believe me? Just stick around and watch lol

    Just end the rollercoaster and dump him.if he begs you to stay and says he's gonna change just ignore him because you already know it's a lie

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