We had a really petty misunderstanding and it turned into both of us getting hurt, me more than him. In the end I said 'Maybe we should just end this' and he had said that he didn't want it to end. But after me saying that he then decided to end it with me.
I was gutted. This was the 1st guy I'd liked in a long time and I wanted it to work. He rebounded back to his ex and I went off and kissed his friend (Ross). I know this sounds AWFUL but I had known Ross before I even met Ryan and I'd kissed Ross before.
At the time I was honestly so gutted and wanted to move on. A few weeks later Ryan phoned me later at night apologising about how things had went with us and that he's never wanted to hurt me. I honestly felt the regret in his words as well. I accepted his apology but I wish I'd maybe made more of an effort to apologize and fix things with him that night. I didn't though. AND I kept going back and kissing Ross because I was still hurt about Ryan.
I know it's all so wrong. And eventually Ryan became bitter towards me. Honestly we don't speak. I have no idea what's happening with him now. If he has a girlfriend etcc. But I do know that I am sorry for my part of things, and perhaps my apology is months late now...
I'm just scared he rejects it or I make him mad. I miss him terribly. I miss talking to him and just chilling with him. I think about him everyday, basically I am reminded about apologising to him everyday. It's driving me crazy. I still care about him so much. But maybe I'm too late.
What can I do?
Pleeeease don't judge me. I couldn't explain the wholel of it because it's too long!
- Should I bother explaining how I feel to him?
- Or should I just erase him from my life completely?