My girlfriend of 3+ years is moving to another state because of a great job opportunity (there's a very high chance that I will move there too due to good opportunities and cheaper cost of living)...anyway we were discussing her move recently and I was under the impression that she did not know anyone in this state..but she hinted to knowing someone. Out of curiosity I ask if it was a family member or someone from our college (we are in our 20's)..and she says no. OK, so I then say "I thought you didn't know anyone there?" She kind of dismisses the question and goes to the next subject.
So my curiosity gets to the best of me..and then I open her Facebook page to snoop (yes I was wrong, but we've always had an open Facebook and password type of thing going- we sometimes get on each others pages when one of us doesn't have our phone)...anyway I see a message to one of her ex boyfriends who happens to live in the city and state(high school ex)
Basically she reached out to him for apartment advice and wished him well (they have not spoken for years). She also stated that she'd "love" to catch up and would probably need a tour guide and to hit her up when he has time.
Now naturally I get a little upset, not necessarily because he's an ex but because she didn't tell me about any of it- she basically hid the entire thing from me. Yes I am a little taken back by the "tour guide" and "love to catch up" thing but honestly I can tell it was all friendly. Although I know I'm the jerk for looking, do you guys feel that I am justified in being a little disappointed that she couldn't just be up front about possibly hanging out with an ex? All I'd want is for her to be upfront and at least run it by me as I would not have a problem with it.
I realize that everyone needs space and do not have to tell their significant other every single thing that they do, but how would you guys feel in this situation? Should I bring it up or forget the entire thing? Have any of you dealt with something similar? I know for surebthat I will not be bringing it up to her this week because we will be going on vacay in 2 days- not going to spoil it with this petty stuff. by the way she's a great person and we've had smooth relationship throughout the years.
Sorry for the long post!
Most Helpful Girl
I understand why you're upset, and I would be as well. Your feelings are perfectly justified.
I don't think it's a major red flag though.
Have you two ever mentioned past boyfriends/girlfriends ? If not, she may find it too awkward to tell you about it.
Do you know if they were friends before they dated ? If so, it could also be her way of building the friendship again.
If you feel there is nothing behind it, after knowing her for more than three years, I think it's relatively safe to assume there's nothing. The issue is more about how it made you feel and how you can tell her you don't like it.
I agree with you about the not telling before the trip. You have plenty of time to talk afterward, it would be a shame to have a fight over it and dampen the vacations.
Perhaps you could mention the subject in a conversation while keeping it light ? Something like : "hey, you know you can talk to me about your ex(es), right ?" would show her you're being cool about it.
Make her understand (if she doesn't know already) that you are OK with her talking to her ex, but not with her hiding it.
I hope it'll turn alright for the two of you :)0