How to deal with your Ex (as of late) who cheated on you?

So two weeks ago up until Wednesday I told my girlfriend that I would be not talking to her much until after the final exams in order to focus on studying. Up until Wednesday I would still send her a text every day asking how she was, and she would eventually end it on "I need to go back to studying."

Last Wednesday I texted that I couldn't wait until finals were over - I missed her. She replies that she has been thinking the past week about what she wanted in a relationship and asked if we can be "just friends." I asked her why she wanted to leave and she said she needed someone who had more experience with dating (she was my first girlfriend). I will admit that I did get upset and I asked that she would talk this over with me, but she didn't, she just kept telling me to stop.

Last Friday I saw her walking out of class with a guy. My heart sank, but I knew not to follow in order to not confirm she was cheating. When I went outside to get to my ride, I saw her across the parking lot. The guy and her were playfully teasing each other and I saw them both turn their heads and stare at me. When I looked back before leaving, I didn't see them, but I saw the car - I think they went inside it.

For the month and a half we've been together, she always seemed to think I was cheating on her. My friend said, usually that means that they are cheating and worried if their partner is as well.

Anyhow, I've gotten over her, but I still want some closure. I realized that when we met, she made the first moves and everything and me, having never had a relationship before, decided to go with despite me thinking she was odd. I want to send her a message explaining that I wasn't a fit for her and vice versa, and that I deserve much better than her. My friends believe that I should show that I don't care at all by not saying anything to her.

My situation is this: Should I try talking to her, although after the break-up she showed no signs of wanting to talk like an adult or should I let this go and not say anything. I'm ready to move on from this, but I'm tied between talking to get closure or just making peace with this and walking away. I want to let her know that she won't be on my mind, because she won't, but I also don't want to give her the satisfaction that talking to her shows I care. She was always a self-centered person, but not talking to her will just make her lie about who I was to others.
EDIT: How do you cope with someone who cheated on you? Did you regret doing what you did?


Most Helpful Girl

  • Ok, let me see if I have this straight. She broke up with you on Wednesday and you saw her hanging with another guy on Friday. If that is all correct, then I am rather confused. What makes you so sure she was cheating on you while in a relationship? She was hanging out with that guy after you guys had already broken up. Do you know their relationship? Are they friends? Are they dating now? As far as I see, you do not have definitive proof of any wrong doing. She may very well have cheated on you, I would not be able to tell you. Only they would be able to tell you.

    As far as talking to her goes, I would not recommend it! She will feel like you are still hung up on her, trying to get back with her, or she will think you are just trying to get back at her by saying that you deserve better than her. The best thing you can possibly do is to treat her... nicely. I know, every instinct in you will be screaming at you to either ignore her or say something to her. Nothing ever gets a person more as when you treat them friendly, like an acquaintance, because if you can truly be nice like that, it shows you harbor no real feelings at all. Every time I've seen it in action, it has worked like a charm! She really will not know how to handle it and may even try to talk with you. This is only if you run into her in person though, don't text, Facebook, or email her. The second best thing to do would be to just ignore her.

    Best of luck!

    • She mentioned she had a crush on a guy in class before she met me, and she pointed him out - same guy. It should also be known that a month in I found out she met me two weeks after her last break up. Now she is dating a guy two days after her last one. I think I will take the ignore route as mentioned. We have the same class next semester (unless she switched out) so that ought to be fun. Thanks for the advice :) I just wish she'd have given me closure

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Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 2

  • she is not worth it, it is obvious since she keeps on jumping into the relationship after a break up that she isn't mature enough to know how to deal with a relationship and also she has no idea what she wants. if she knew what she wants she wouldn't be dating one guy but a few then get serious. you don't need closure, you already have it, the girl was immature, she was a good first girlfriend of what not to have

    • That is funny: immature. She broke up with me because she said I wasn't experienced and that I was immature. She never explained it further than that, but I did try and tell her that it is immature that she wouldn't talk to me about it at all.

    • she couldn't find a real reason why she wanted to end things and she said immature because she doesn't know what she wants and cannot handle a relationship

  • Reminds me of my ex if I went out with a guy or spoke to another guy he got jealous and assumed I was cheating when he was the one meeting new girls. Similarly to you I was also inexperienced. These people are narcissist, selfish and impatient and cares about no one but themselves and everything they do is to please themselves. You don't need such people in your life smile and move on. My ex dumped me for another girl too. I am glad we ended I can't date a cheater no one deserves to. She will get her karma


What Guys Said 6

  • I vote not to talk with her; just focus on the positive parts of your life, not some low-level girl that wants to run off into the sunset with the first playerrrr I mean knight in shining armor that she finds. There are EXQUISITE moments that you can have with someone who is real and mature like yourself, these girls are just filled with a "bad girl" side that is edgy and fun. Don't let that be the sole reason why you choose to date in the future, it will always mislead you to seeking the wrong partners, wait until that bad-girl shows a sensitive side and then pay attention!

    As for coping? I didn't. My first girlfriend and first lay was a serious relationship of 4 years. She f***ed my best friend and I about killed the guy. I drove to a calm place and called my friends to help me deal with it.. About 20 minutes later he drove by and I grabbed a 32mm wrench and ran straight at him, luckfully my friends tackled me or else I'd be writing this from a jail cell... Years later I finally realized why she cheated on me, and it did bring the closure I was looking for but it also brought a self-destructive image upon my own mindset (I take everything on my own shoulders). A few years after that, I matured and didn't care about the mistakes of my youth. You will grow out of it, but it will sure as hell torment your mind until you do. Just try to focus on your life man, learn to invest while you are young and reap the benefits that others don't. I see 40 year olds retiring with nice homes/etc while I'm busting my ass to bring in a small cashflow. The trick? Time. Money is accumulated over time by letting it work for itself in your honor. So save up and work hard, play hard, socialize and network. Build your life and stop focusing on two bit hoes that only want to chase some tail.

    ~ ArtistBBoy

  • I think the primary mistake you're making as someone inexperienced is thinking you have control, and that this was, in some way, your fault. She has her own issues to deal with, namely, her flightiness, insecurity, and her inability to give you due consideration; being a symptom of some deeper emotional problem (and yes, people in denial will blame everybody around them). There's nothing else for you to say, quite simply because, her actions speak for themselves. For whatever reason, from the sounds of it, at this point she's not able to put this in context and communicate like an adult. What are you expecting from her? I doubt you will get it from what you have written about her.

    • I honestly don't know and it took me 3 days to realize that. I'm acting as I did before I met her. I'm glad she broke up with me then and not later where I would have spent more time and money on her rather than other things. Just wish she didn't do it the day before my first final exam -_-

  • Asking her for closure is just another way of revealing your feelings for her. It's a clear sign of emotional attachment.

    With that being said, direct your attention towards things that make you happy; for example, try fun and challenging things, hang with comical friends, go on dates, etc. The happier you are in your overall life, the less resentment or residual pain you will harbor, which could significantly speed up the healing process

    Don't out of your way to ignore her or act rude, as it would show your feelings for her, but don't go out of your way to speak to her; act normal. Most break-ups require time to get over, so be patient, it will happen.

    • I am over it, and a lot quicker than I expected. She was my first girlfriend so I was confused how I should approach this

    • I respectfully disagree with you. When brother and his ex split up, he needed closure. When my friend and her ex broke up, she needed closure. Why? They still had strong feelings for their exes. One doesn't need closure for a relationship that has emotionally concluded.

      Hey, that's my take on it, man.

  • Closer is hard to get when you are broken hearted man, especially if she was. Your first took me three years . That being said like the other girl said be nice like you would around a friend. Of a friend it will probably drive her nuts though if its too soon ignore her and if you run into her act as if life is great and your doing great! Without her! She is liable to think, what is so wrong with me that he can move on so easily? He acts so normal and fine, she will miss you and then you can get your closer by rejecting her if she pursues you. Talking to her is bad because even if its not your intentions your gonna come off as desperate and end up saying things you don't mean, from the way your talking above your not over her, time heals all wound is what they say but a new girl would help a lot, just don't get attached until you have made peace with yourself . Sorry if some of that sounds cruel I'm just being honest

    • I am over her, I really am, but I just wish I could have said something to stick it to her. So far no one has said to talk to her, so I'm taking everyone's advice. We were only out for a month and a half so it doesn't matter much to me, but when we broke up I did get emotionally upset about it and I regret acting like that now. She did it the day before finals so I was stressed out and that threw me over. Oh well, it's just one girl, I can get what she gave me from any other person I figured


  • Don't talk to her. Move on and find a new girl.

    She's not worth talking to. She'll just betray your expectations and feelings again.


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