Am I an idiot for staying with my boyfriend? : /

I feel like such an idiot and I don't know what to do. Please help : ( I'd really appreciate it.

A few months ago, I caught my boyfriend texting another girl. Apparently, she sent him a naked pic back in the fall and the night I caught him texting her he told her he was thinking about the picture.

I broke up with him and since we just moved in together, I left and stayed at my mom's. Without going into any details, he cried and apologized profusely and my friends/family encouraged me to give him another chance so I stayed to work things out.

It was rough for awhile, but he was acting a lot better and things got back to normal for the most part. Since then, though I've been horribly paranoid and constantly wondering if he's doing something he shouldn't be doing behind my back. I know he would never physically cheat on me, but the texting is bad enough.

Well, a week ago, I caught him texting a different girl. I didn't see the conversation, just him texting, "what were you gonna send?"

I confronted him about it and he said she tried sending him a pic of something but he told her not to. I flipped and told him I'd had enough and that I was moving out. Well, the same thing happened as last time and he convinced me to stay. He scheduled a couples therapy appointment and said he's willing to do whatever it takes to change.

I want to believe him, but I don't. In my heart I think I know I shouldn't be with him, but I want to be. We planned on spending our lives together and I feel like that's ruined. I don't know what to do and need some advice : (

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I'd be done. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. So you've 'caught' him twice, do you really think you would randomly catch him the ONLY two times he's done this? Possible, but far from probable. You are probably only seeing the tip of the iceberg and while it isn't phyiscal infidelity, it could very well (and may already have) led to it. It is good that he offered to do therapy but in my opinion, being willing to cheat isn't something you just get better with. To me, the ability to cheat is being a person who lacks morals and I do not want to be with someone who lacks morals, that's not something you just 'change' in therapy. You've lost your trust, with no trust, there is no real relationship. I am very forgiving, so I could forgive someone for this, but I would not be able to trust them anymore so the relationship would be over. I agree with one of the male posters, the only reason he is sorry is because he got caught. He's not really sorry to YOU, he's feeling sorry for himself because he might suffer from his dumbass mistakes.

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What Guys Said 4

  • First off, he has texted more than one girl in regard to pictures. Texting another girl that's not a close female relative should be cause enough to raise some flags. Certainly it's not physical infidelity, but still, it's infidelity none the less. It's clear that this behavior bothers you and you have already broken up with him once over this very same issue. His behavior could possibly be a prelude to deeper indiscretions which may or may not eventually lead to a physical one.

    Additionally, there are trust issues that are evolving from this behavior. Without trust, there can be no relationship. Don't get me wrong, I think it's admirable that he is willing to get therapy for his problem, but in reality, I wouldn't stick around to see how that goes. He has already had a second chance and he continues to exhibit the same behavior that broke you two up before. I think it's time to cute the reigns on this one and move on to someone who better suits you and has more self control regarding these type of situations. Consider his therapy, should he choose to go through with and actually complete, as making himself a better person for the next woman he decides to date.

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  • I wouldn't stick around for that, he's already messed up twice now, do you really feel like you can deal with this a 3rd time? Don't cave in because he cries and apologizes, he's just sorry he got caught. Plus why would a girl just randomly send him a pic? He's obviously flirting with other girls behind your back to get them to do this.

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  • it seems pretty clear that he was repeating those bad behaviors so I wouldn't really buy that he was telling her not to text a picture. I mean how does a conversation get from hi to oh I'm going to send you a pic, and him having to say please don't?

    I think the paranoia and distrust you feel is rather natural. I've dealt with trust issues and it's hard to ever fully trust someone once that trust has been broken. You don't want to be naive and become a sucker but you also don't want to be cynical.

    I don't think you're an idiot you're just optimistic and hopeful (plus you have a bunch of people saying give him a chance and the peanut gallery can be very influential)

    go to the therapy if you want, but if he isn't honest then I don't really see what good therapy will do...considering that therapy requires two people to be honest. I don't think you should feel as though you have to keep giving him chances or shouldn't break up with him

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  • He's not worth it. He's just a jerk. You should really move on from him.

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What Girls Said 4

  • You need to be strong and leave him, he's no good. The fact you have accepted his bullsh*t means he will do it again.

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  • That's worse than physically cheating on you. It wasn't a moment of weakness, he didn't get caught up in the moment. There was no point of no return. He had time to think about what he was doing and what the consequences could be, and he did it anyway. Twice.

    No matter how much you may love him, it's pretty clear that he doesn't love you. Not enough, anyway, and you shouldn't settle for that.

    When it comes down to it, you have two options.

    You can stay with him and be miserable and insecure and follow a plan that doesn't work anymore, or you can take the temporary pain of a breakup, move on and make a new plan, maybe even one that actually makes you happy.

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  • Get your sh*t and get gone.

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  • the question is could you ever trust him again after all this? He sounds really immature and he's going to make you crazy worrying he's always lying to you because so far he *is* always lying to you. Don't ignore that because its hard, face it because that's your reality.

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