Bummed out and need advice....

I finally was letting a guy get "close" to me (emotionally and physically) this year, after a five-year (post-divorce) sabbatical. I didn't want the next guy to be a "rebound" or to have leftover emotions about my ex if I met the right guy.

Though I've dated a little in 2012, this guy was only the second person in my life who I've been intimate with and now (after six months of being intimate) he seems to just be backing away. While he is away at work he calls me nonstop -- like a boyfriend or husband would -- but then when he's back home he kills off any time I could spend with him by making plans with the guys, or even meeting with "old friends" who are female, calling me last-minute to set up plans, then changing plans again within a 12-hour period. It felt disrespectful, which isn't how he was in the beginning of our relationship...

I felt like a yo-yo and decided to just let this go. In five days it'll be a year that we've been getting to know each other, though we've only really gotten close since November.

I've never felt so bummed out to be without a person's company before. With the divorce I had a lot of people around me to offer support and distraction, and my ex was a very cruel sort of guy, so I was relieved to finally have him out of my life. In this situation... well, people just roll their eyes and tell me to forget about him. I've been through worse, after all, and survived it. I should be able to handle this little thing...

Yes, I definitely agree, but I'd like some ideas on how to move on. I just feel too raw and vulnerable to come up with a good list of things to do.

If you could share, that would be great.


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What Guys Said 2

  • Clearly he's full of hmself, no doubt fairly well off financially, right? Therefore, used to women putting up with emotional abuse from him. That's why he's so disrespectful; it's been a lifelong pattern that he's rarely, if ever, been called on or criticized for.

    I know it's easy for me to say, but I think there should be zero tolerance for disrespect in any relationship between a man and a woman. Once you tolerate a little, this kind of guy will just keep escalating it.

    You sound like a good woman. The #1 characteristic of a man for you should be that he recognizes and values that.

    • He does alright for himself, though he's got worries about having to move in a new direction. He's pretty modest most of the time, actually, which made him stand out from other guys for me.

      You're right about zero tolerance. Thanks for the pep talk -- now how to stop moping? Lol.

    • The least I could do!

  • You really should stop thinking about him. You're just his "play toy" when he's bored.Try to find a new guy of interest.

    • I know the first part, but it really was difficult to find a person of interest to begin with. I don't want another five-year sabbatical, but I'm not really good at hopping from one guy to another like many "modern" women are. A lot of guys approach, but I tend not to feel that closeness that would allow me to feel comfortable... you know.

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