One partner cheated, now what?

So, one person in a couple cheated, but for whatever reason, they are staying together.

Does the wronged party have the right to have a one time fling?

If they do, is it ASAP or at anytime in the future?

My bestie just got back from a weeks vacay with her mother and two sisters... while on vacay, her married sister and her mother both cheated on their husbands.

1: Should the husbands know?

2: Should the husbands be allowed a dalliance as well?
  • Yes, but soon.
    Vote A
  • Yes, whenever.
    Vote B
  • No. Just no.
    Vote C
  • Onions!!!
    Vote D
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Most Helpful Guy

  • No, I don't believe one wrong excuses another wrong. I also don't believe coming clean to the husband is going to do anyone any good. If it was a one time thing and a mistake you take it to your grave.

    Onions!

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    • Knowing would do me plenty of good.

    • Why? for causing resentment in a relationship? mistrust? Somethings, speaking for myself, are just better left unknown. Putting a spin on an old saying... there is bliss found in ignorance. I don't need to know everything and it in some cases it's just better that way.

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 18

  • 1) I think so, but I'm biased.

    2) Allowed? Yes, but I don't think they should take the op just to even the score.

    Rather it should be held over until such time as they cheat because they really want to, and then the forgiveness is automatically on the cards. Because most people will be presented with the chance to cheat over the course of their lives.

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  • This is so many kinds of f***ed up ways a mother and her daughter both cheating on their husbands. Clearly that family has some issues.

    Obviously the husbands should know about this, otherwise your insinuating that cheating is OK as long as you don't get caught. How would you feel if your husband did that to you?

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    • I won't ever have a husband.

    • Show All
    • Are you married?

    • No I'm single atm. But I have been in love before, so I know what it feels like.

  • I don't get the impression this is a first time and last time event.

    Either they open up the marriages, or they make real changes so this sort of thing doesn't happen again.

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    • I honestly believe in the case of my besties Mother, it was the first time, and I think it'd be the only time.. they are so great together.. they don't seem like they've been married 30years..

      Her sister.. I wouldn't be surprised.. but I know her husband cheats too...

    • No excuses for the mother, who cares if they look great? It's likely she's cheated before or will again. What would stop her if she got away with it fine now?

      And if the husband cheats too, man, that guy's a douche and maybe they should stay together and just have an open relationship.

  • what in blue hell is this? a family affair?!? geez...The hubbies should know and If the husband decide to revenge cheat...they essentially stooped to the cheating ladies' level ya know. Someone take the high road! Don't cheat! You married for a freaking reason...

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  • I disagree with the actions those women took and see no reason why the men would choose to stay with them, so I believe they have the right to know and most preferably be told by their loved ones. But I don't think that an affair for the husbands would be justified either way, since in a committed relationship, I find such a thing unacceptable.

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  • They shouldn't be staying together -_- that's for damn sure. The bitch doesn't deserve him (and he doesn't deserve to be with a bitch). Same goes for an a**hole guy if he cheats on his wife, she doesn't deserve that kinda a**hole in that life and he doesn't deserve someone who's loyal.

    If they're staying together though, that that other gets a free pass on doing whatever they want with others. And your best friend's sister and mother are pretty sh*t imo. I absolutely detest cheaters. Not the worst scum of the planet, but still scum non-the-less. The husbands deserve to know so that they are allowed to have a choice here. I mean, from the sounds of it there's no "whatever reason they are staying together" they are staying together only because the husbands are still holding onto a lie that they are faithful women. The husbands aren't getting a say and that's f***ing bullsh*t in a marriage. They should know right now and if they do divorce then good.

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    • the sister and her husband have 3 kids under the age of 7...

    • So? Doesn't mean they should stay together where they have distrust and hatred for each other if they do feel that way when they find out. You don't stay together cause of the kids and then have underlying tones of negativity that kids pick up on.

  • Yes, the husbands should know. Would you want to know if someone was treating you very badly?

    The husbands should get to decide if they want to stay and if they do, they should get the option to have a fling. Cheaters like to cheat, but don't like to be cheated on.

    Remember, women are just as horrible as men ( probably worse ).

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  • 1. the husbands should know

    2. they don't get a sexual dalliance (good use of the word dalliance)

    as the saying goes "eye for an eye makes the whole world blind"

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    • Good, then maybe we wouldn't seen all the crap that goes on in this world.

    • An eye for an eye may make the world blind, but it also makes it a little wiser.

  • I absolutely think the husbands should know. I don't condone cheating in a relationship or certainly in a marriage.

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  • The husbands should know and do whatever they want with it. Let it go, divorce, have a fling or get another form of compensation.

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  • 1. No the husbands should not know

    2. What is this some kind of a barter system? Oh yes any relationship is about give and take - correct but barter is certainly not exactly what I'd term a relationship

    Everyone has a right to know everything but again it depends on so many factors.

    In first place your friend telling you something private about her mother and sister itself is wrong.

    She's the one who's cheated (I regret I've to say this) on them by doing so because of her ideas of morality.

    Her squealing on them will not only ruin their pleasure (that they had) but also send their relationships into a mess, something this girl certainly cannot salvage ever in addition to which she may regret the outcome all her life making her far more miserable.

    They didn't force her into anything they just had their fun time so it's OK. Leave it behind at the vacation and continue life rather than being judgmental :)

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  • I wouldn't get involved betwyn. At the end of the day, all harm ends up sufacing sooner or later.

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  • Let it be and remain a secret.

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  • Even if it's a one time fling, it's unforgivable.

    1. Yes

    2. No, they should stay committed.

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  • Yes the husbands should know.

    All relationships are voluntary, so if that's a way of working it out, then fine. I don't think psychologically it's going to help. But it's up to them.

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  • Nice! Was it a mother/daughter gang bang? That's crazy.

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  • I can only assume that the husbands aren't already OK with the idea of an open relationship or whatever, so no this is not alright and yes they should know. I've been cheated on when a girl was away on a trip, and I honestly don't understand how a person rationalizes in their head that "I'm on vacation, so I'm going to act like this when I normally wouldn't think of it". Outside of this vacation situation, I don't think either person in a relationship is 'allowed' to cheat on their partner. I'm not a possessive person by any stretch of the imagination, but I also am not one to be committed to a person only to have them sleep around behind my back.

    -Yes, the husbands ought to know though I doubt the women will ever tell them.

    -No, the husbands don't need a fling as well. I'm not sure what that would accomplish other than handle this situation in a childish manner.

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What Girls Said 6

  • If the husband feels he needs to do that, I wouldn't exactly say he is unjustified, but I don;t think it would fix anything, once someone has cheated the relationship is broken, you can't fix it or erase hurt and loss of trust by simply evening the score.

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  • I think the party that cheated needs to be upfront and honest with their partners. Especially if they are married! That's just wrong. You can't commit to a person, and then stray, have a fling, then come back to the marriage like nothing ever happened.

    I don't think that letting the husbands have a fling is going to help the situation. All it will do is complicate things more. You don't solve problems in your relationship by going outside the marriage.

    Even though the wife and girlfriend made terrible decisions, it does not justify the husbands cheating. The innocent party cheating would only put both people in the same playing field. They would have both cheated.

    It's not going to help the situation at all. The husbands need to be told because they should be able to make a decision whether they want to stay or not.

    They each have a right to know the truth, and then if they decide to leave, well that's what happens when someone cheats!

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  • No.. two wrongs don't make a right as they say. It would just make the wedge between you even bigger.

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    • nah... the wedge doesn't need to be any bigger. The wife has already stated through her actions that the relationship isn't worth anything.

  • Keep it to themselves. Nothing good can come from letting that out.

    Ignorance is bliss!

    They can't be sure they've never been cheated on!

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  • The other person needs to leave! Once a cheater always a cheater

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  • Of course the husbands should know it's infidelity. I don't think anyone in a relationship should have the "right" to cheat on a partner. If they don't love them or are tempted by another person then why stay with the partner. What happens if the partner finds out, how horrible would that person feel. They made vows and should keep them if not they should leave, simple as.. If you do it once your going to do it again, if you were so easily led astray it will happen again. Of course everyone is attracted to someone else even if your in a relationship but that doesn't mean you can cheat. Just because they were on holidays doesn't mean they get a "out of jail free card" ( if ya get me ).. I would never stay with a partner that cheated, never have never will. The truth always comes out sooner or later.

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