Is my boyfriend cheating?

Very distraught please I need advice I'm going crazy and I need to know if its just me.

My boyfriend works a lot all through out the week and I don't get to see him much like I used to...and I just lost my job I have a car that I can use sometimes and I'm just growing depressed and sad just sitting in the house all day. And it has gotten worse since I don't see him like that.

And yes I'm on his ass and I try not to be I sit at home a pick apart sh*t and he just recently moved down to his cousin close to his job and I never met or seen this cousin before.

I'm questioning if he is really telling the truth, is he seeing someone else?

It's all because of the change, on top of that he is off on the weekends and we will hang out for 3 or 4 hours not whole days like we used to which make me think he has to go see someone else...? Not I'm depressed and emotional and on his ass maybe its all in my head?

But before when we spent all our time together he wasn't working as much and he was living at his aunts house which he hated so he spent most nights in his car or he was just stay with me till she went to bed. Its not like that no more and he can't come over my house cause my mom is like his aunt. So when we do get together its just in the car and he says he hasn't brought meo ver his cousins house yet cause his cousin girlfriend is a bitch and she may not be OK with it. I'm like OK then the other hand I'm just like is he lying to me.

Well we hung out yesterday and he didn't want to hang that long which pist me off and we went to yard sales and he bought chairs and glasses. Now in my head I'm like why in the f*** are you getting chairs I ask him he says for our place I'm getting my sh*t together. Then he changes it and says I'm might just resale them and he said he was going to put them in his aunts shed. And after like 2 hours he implied he was going to go soon I got very mad and upset! and asked him what else did he have to do he said nothing he was tired he was going to go over he aunts house and hang with his uncle for a bit and put the chairs in the shed mind you he has a storage that he pays for.

So I had the worst emotional break down ever in front of him. And I just told him how I been feeling and talked about my depression and I told him that I didn't want to be a bitch to him so maybe it was best that we didn't talk for a bit and when I felt better I would come back he said no your not going any where. And we haven't had sex for like a month and a half due to the living situation. After he saw me so upset he found a place for us to have sex he brought me food. He bought me a jewelry box at a yard sale. But when I was dropping him of a his car he said he was going to his uncle house ...i said my goodbyes and when I got to my door I realized I forgot something in his car and I waved to him but he didn't see me cause he was looking at his phone so I went in the house called him like 5 times so I took my car and and drove past his uncles house he wasn't there and when I got back he had called back and said he was at his boys house near his cousins house.

Updates:
i said why are you lying to me and he got quiet and I told him I drove past his uncles house and he claimed he went and he wasn't there at the time. am I just being paranoid or is he really being shady? He has drove past my house before to see where I was at also. I told him that I forgot something in his car and he said I'm sorry babe I'm going to get some rest at my cous house and I will come back around 8 cause I need to relax.
i said well just bring it tmrw cause we are hanging out today. And he was like babe what is wrong with you I said I told you what wrong with me I told you everything and he jus t was like I love you baby. If he is dealing with all this with me does that mean he loves me. Is he cheating?

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I dunno, maybe I am a paraoid person too, or all the other commentors are too trusting lol, but I think some of his behavior is questionable. Like, moving to a mystry cousin's house that you never met and telling you you can't go over because of anohher woman? Is he dating his cousin's girlfriend or you? A real man would tell that bitch (excuse my french) where to stick it and bring you over.

    and And if he hates living with his aunt so much that he sleeps in his car (btw dude that lives and sleeps in his car, so NOT attractive), then why would he go over to visit his uncle, knmowing she would be there?

    The only thing I agree with other commentators is that you handled the situation badly. Take a deep breath and tell him honeslty that you are confused by the things he tells you and you're not comfortable seeing him under these circumstances. Maybe you need to take a break and both of you figure out sh*t in your life, because together you're not doing so hot.

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    THIS IS NOT RELEVANT ANYMORE
    • yea true thanks you give great advice..you answered another one of my questions before you think like me.

    • No problem. I try to put myself people's shoes. It's a tough situation. Not easy to deal with. I hope things get better soon. And I totally understand about losing the job. It happened to me too and I'm still looking.

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 7

  • it seems to me that you lost your job and it's upsetting you. Then your relationship has changed and that upsettling you.

    But you're letting all that combine into this ball of fury that is making irrational connections between unrelated situations. Don't let your situation ruin your outlook on people who care about you. If you have real concerns about your relationship (not the paranoid sense cheating, talk to him about it. Tell him that you want to spend more time with him. Ask if you can go to the garage/yard sales. Explain to him that you're feeling insecure about things since losing your job.

    Talk to him about how you're feeling aside from the paranoia of cheating. Often times when one thing goes wrong start connecting dots that shouldn't be connected or wouldn't be under certain circumstances.

    Take a breath, relax, and sit down and talk to him... He could very well be cheating (just like my girlfriend could be Obama's mistress) but based on what you've described there is little evidence to support your theory

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    • yea I guess it all in my head...And I'm just not dealing with the change very well. And I'm scared we are going to grow distant I have told him my concerns and its baby I'm working hard during the week I'm beat and he isn't much of a phone person on top of that. And weekends well we don't spend the whole day together and that bothers me to. But who wants to sit in a car all day.

  • Okay, first, stop being a spaz. Calm down and get your sh*t together. He's probably being distant because you're acting crazy. Take a little time and then have an intelligent and calm conversation with him. And don't call him 5 times in a row. Leave a voice mail.

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  • any change in the behavior ? stopped wanting sex? overdoing it with se? started wanting things didn't want before? buying gifts and doing acts of redemption? well you should follow him once that's the best...

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  • Twice as many girls answer as guys about a boyfriend's behavior, and you select some girl's answer as the best, LOL

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  • You're quite over thinking things. You both just need to have a talk.

    He's definitely not cheating.

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    • wrong! he lives at his "uncles" house which she has NEVER met...why not?

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    • so you never knew about a cousin until now...that is a red flag

    • yea he hasn't mentioned him I see it is as a red flag too

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  • He just need time and space at the moment. You should wait for a week or two and have some talk with him.

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    • yea hope so

    • hangin out w his "BOYS" more often then with u? red flag to the max..he is a douche bag

What Girls Said 15

  • it sounds to me like you need friends to hang with, you have so much time on your hands and your looking for your boyfriend to occupy that time, I was in this similar situation, I made a few new friends and started taking up a pole dancing class and before I knew it he was wondering where I was spending all time, and he wanted to spend more time. You gotta realize that there comes a time when guys get tired of living with their moms or grandmas or aunts or w.e... they wanna have independent space, he probably just works a lot so that he can get his own place, Try not to be so needy though, but at the same time you shouldn't have to cry and get all upset for him to show you attention, if he has time to go to his uncles and his boys house he has time for you, give him the cold shoulder for awhile till he cleans up his neglecting act... I've been in this same situation , no ones ever to busy , you make time for what you wanna make time for. Don't settle for less than you think you deserve.

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    • your right I do have to much time on my hands. The only friend that I had stop talking to me and he was happy about it cause he didn't like her. And he didn't like me hanging with her. Now all I have is him and he is doin his own thing in his own world and I hate it cause when he was being clingy towards me I was there for him.

  • Pull yourself together! You sound paranoid and needy. It gives off a bad vibe.

    In a week or so have a calm and intelligent conversation with him. Listen more, talk less

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  • Alright girlie here is my advice since you just lost your job you need to work on getting your priorities straight. Start looking for a job (get the green sheets, chronicle, look online),next start taking care of yourself externally to gain more confidence (if you have a little acne like me start working at it if not find something that you know needs some TLC and work on it). Play the cool card and take notes on his behaviors in a journal put dates with them too so you can see the consistency. Let yourself see how your relationship really is and if it's worth the fight.

    My notes:

    Your boyfriend works a lot all (is this new and what does he do)

    At home bored/sad (time to work on your resume and get another job) *when an event effects you financially you lean on your significant other for help and support)

    Moved to unknown cousin’s house (how long have you been dated to not know this family)

    Weekend hangout cut to 3-4 hrs (how long has this been going on before your let go at job)

    Aunt’s house (so would he sleep in his car outside his aunt’s house and you said it’s not like that anymore did his relationship with aunt change)

    Cousin girlfriend (you're not going over to chill with cousin's girlfriend so that makes no sense to me if you never even met cousin) *trying to keep you away from family

    Chairs and Glasses (he said he is getting his priorities straight so I give him a few brownie points since he is working more which means saving more, living in a home which means living comfortable, and talking about a place for future) *don’t look into the reselling part

    The Melt Down (we would want our bf’s to be a little more compassionate and sympathetic about our feels but they are not as much as we would want) *don’t look into that much remember you are working on the fact that you lost your job and hardly see your bf

    Sex (When did you start having sex with bf)*If that’s what your relationship started off on then this might turn out the way you would want. You mentioned he got a place for you guys to have sex, got you a gift, and food. Don’t think now that your physically satisfied then think you can put your guard down and you guys are back to normal. He was very quick to get you in a room you need to have some standards for yourself sex only complicates things. Next time he wants to get room hold out and just keep it a clean date you will see if all he wants is sex from you.

    Uncles house (Guys sometimes do detours but I would have gone to his cousin’s house to get what I need TODAY) He is only coming out for a sec to give you what you need. You should be worried about restrictions if I can’t be somewhere where my boyfriend is at I need to rethink my relationship and how long will I have to keep up with this nonsense.

    Love you card (If he loves you he should help you in anyway he can which means mentally or financially if possible) encouragement helps.

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    • he is a pest technician and he just started this job and he is really busy cause its summer time.we have been dating for 6 months I have met all his fam except this cousin. Ever since he moved to his cousin house we haven't been hangin as long. yea he would sleep in his car outside of his aunts house..he didn't have a house key..and he had to sleep in a sofa chair every night was driving him nuts and she is a hoarder. He got a room cause I had been complaining about no sex and then I had

    • Ok, your relationship is fairly new and you're still getting to know each other.Maybe that's why you haven't met this cousin.Your boyfriend might be getting his ducks in a row right now but get a journal and write what you see and feel. You will see exactly what's happening in your relationship and if there is something off. If you need pleasure like any human being go out and buy yourself a toy if you want. Don't rush your relationship take it slow but be aware of signs and filter what you don't like.

    • okay, thanks : )

  • Have you ever thought that the reason why he's working so much now is because ow that you're unemployed he has to pull even more of his own weight? I understand your concern but things to consider are that has he himself been acting differently around you when you are together? Is he less affectionate? Has he been saying I love you less! Things like that. Honestly you need to get out and find a job and get friends and a social life because guys don't tend to like girls who don't do anything. Although it is a bit weird that he wasn't at his uncles house... But at the same time to just can't assume. Give him some space.

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    • he still affectionate the same way with me. When I was working I gave him money when he was down and my cell is off and he isn't trying to help me and I'm pist. And he doesn't act different around me. He doesn't call me like he used to he doesn't pick up like he used to and we don't spend the whole day together like we used to. He works a lot that's great but don't change on me and if you can handle the relationship tell me. and yes I'm on his ass and I don't want it to be like this.

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    • your so right thanks so much you made me look at the positive things : )

    • it doesn't matter how positively you look at it..it is NOT your fault...he is a grown man and does not need to be told to call or not to call..boyfriends and girlfriend call each other all the time because they love each other and wqnt to hear from each other...you not working is making you more stressed yes,but he is supposed to have your back during tough times, not bail when the going gets rough..he is out for his self and NOBODY hangs out with their boys THAT much,really? I'm sorry but you know this

  • U are not imagining anything, your gutt is right on point, everything you said smells of another woman, he is living with someone else and it is obvious, don't second guess yourself and if you need the proof to end it, follow him next time he leaves,u will find it..get out now, this is not healthy for you and he is a sneaky lying cheat, nobody is ever too busy for their girlfriend and nobody hides where they live. Of course his excuse would be " his cousins girlfriend is a bitch' really? let you determine that then..no,this is so similar to what I went thru, he was cheating the whole time,i dumped him and never looked back. Yes it hurts like a mother but its worse if you stay.

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  • I think he wants to have fun and enjoy the time he spends with you, and make that dificult because you're not happy. Guys don't want to spend their free time hanging out with emotional, sappy, needy, naggy, women.

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    • that's true but I wasn't like this until he started acting different doing things different

  • Well, you seem quite miserable and you say you're "on his ass". This might be the reason he doesn't want to hang out with you as much as he used to. As well as cheating accusations - that would make me not want to be around you too!

    Go out and do something! Try to get a new job. You're the only one who can change your situation so stop complaining about it and go do something!

    It's draining to be with someone who's constantly miserable but unwilling to do something about it. It brings others down and makes them not want to be around you.

    Based upon your description of reasons to think he's cheating I don't think you have enough to go on. Get out and start changing your own life!

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  • Ok I'll be honest, I didn't read anything you wrote besides the title and am giving my opinion solely based off of it.

    "Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer" Obviously you are paranoid about him cheating because your intuition is telling you that he is cheating which is causing you to be paranoid. If you think he is then he probably is. God gave women great intuition for a reason and you probably are paranoid about him cheating because HE IS. I don't care what logic you are you using to justify your feelings.

    Obviously there is something wrong in your relationship with this man and you have 2 choices: talk it out or move on. I'd say move on in this case, best of luck to you.

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    • "If you think he is then he probably is. God gave...blah blah blah."

      That's terrible reasoning. Women can think or suspect a great many things that aren't happening in actuality,

    • Had you read what she wrote, you'd learn that she's just overly paranoid

  • I'd let go of him and move on. One shouldn't be that depressed in a relationship.

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  • WTF.. MY MIND IS BLOWING

    So you are to dramatic, relax little, and don't follow him. EVER. Everyone have their privacy. If he is cheating on you (which I don't believe) you will find out. But girl link cause of that question.

    Slow down a little bit. Just your question got me a headache. And one more thing. With guys you need to be straight right away. Don't expect that he can read your mind and see how you feel. Just tell him, but again don't do any drama

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  • instinct is usually right hun, sorry...

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  • I personally love when my boyfriend flicks my nipples with his tongue then slowly works his way down to my clit then flicks it too. Then he gets behind me to rub his d*** between my ass and massages my nipples at the same time :)

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  • You're just paranoid. He's not cheating. He's just really busy.

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  • sounds like a stressful relationship... is he really worth it to you?

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  • As the overly attached girlfriend would do smell is d***... Just kidding how about you lurk one day because you can never trust guys if he is cut him off I was with a guy for a bit he got distant and said he was busy all the time but one day he said come over I said I was on my way he said not now... Sooo I continued on thinking I'd wait in his parking lot by his house. I saw him with another girl at a traffic light.

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    • And that girl is now his girlfriend of a year.

    • damn and that's what worries me like he is tired from work and we spend some time on the weekends but he hasn't even showed me where he is living now and he wants me to just deal...? when I said we should go down there he said when your putting gas in the car we can go see where I'm living.

    • If cut him off for that last comment if your a good woman then you shouldn't have to deal with that crap

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