He broke up with me because I was holding him back

He broke up with me because he said I didn’t have my sh*t together and that I was holding him back. I’m 21, I’m not driving on my own yet and I don’t have the money to finish my degree. However, he is 20 and his parents have always provided everything. They bought his car, pay the insurance, frequently pay for his meals when they go to eat and he lives off of allowance instead of a job.

I understand there are things in my life I need to straighten up but he knew this already. He knew why I didn’t really have anyone to help me learn how to drive and didn’t have a car to do it or the money. We were together for over a year and I believed he was really there for me. He was my emotional support and seemed to understand and still love me for my shortcomings. He even gave me driving lessons but eventually he said he couldn’t wait on me anymore.

He is going to school to become a teacher and is very serious about getting a college education. I also want to finish my degree but I wouldn’t be stopping him from completing school. I have goals and I know what I want in life.

I made an effort. I decided to join the air force reserves to help pay for school and started another job. I worked more with his time whenever we hung out even though he still didn’t have a job. I soon decided to become active duty seeing that it would benefit me a lot more, I wouldn’t be working a retail job anymore and would be able to earn money for a car.

When I asked how he felt about my decision, his response was “ I only want to see you do well” I figured I had his support and he was happy for me but a few weeks later before we broke up he said he wasn’t going to wait for me to get my sh*t together then wait for me while I’m active duty. He wanted a woman he didn’t have to take care of…. He never took care of me. All I ever asked from him was to be taken to the DMV so I could get my license and not be a burden on him anymore. He seemed happy to do it.

He came up with other reasons like he was always making plans, although he would constantly ask me what to do. We don’t live in a big city and don’t have much money to spend. Our only option was his parent’s house which I didn’t care for. Also that he was always driving me around but we were together two days out of a week and if I asked to stop somewhere it was on the way to our destination when we really had nothing to do . I would never have asked him to go out of his way to take me to the other side of town or anything like that. He never said no to it so I didn’t know it bothered him.

All of this really comes down to him wanting someone independent I guess but I’m in my early twenties and I don’t have it all figured out yet. I think it's hurtful that he expected so much from me even though we’ve barely begun our lives yet. I want to progress in my life but no one is perfect. Am I wrong for feeling this way? Is he right about me? How should I look at this?

Would he take me back after I have made clear positive changes

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Most Helpful Guy

  • He sounds ike he can'[t handle the realitiesof life,since he's been protected from them. He doesn't understand how you are more or less forced into jioning the Air Force to get through yur education and gain some financial independence! Instead of being willing to helpyou with driving, he thought you were too dependent on him.

    It sounds like hs' getting parental pressure to find a girl friend who is financially as well off as he and his parents are; I'd suspect he's being manipulated by them to some degree.

    At l;east he realized you weren't compatible, and broke up in a reasonably non-traumatic way..

    You are free now, enjoy that and don't spend time looking back.

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    • Dude, you hit the nail on the head. He would try to convince me his mom liked me but I always felt she was putting on a front. She is really attached to him. It was one of the few things that bugged me about our relationship. He would try so hard to make this image of me to appease his parents. He told me once that he doesn't think his parents would ever approve of the girls he dates, I hope they never do.

    • Parents who are well off financially are quite often controlling. It would be better if he defied them, but not many have that sort of gumption..as you have found out, the hard way.

      Good luck, you have learned a lot from this; again, look at the glass as half full, don't have regrets.

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 3

  • Would he take you back after you've made changes? I think what you should be asking yourself is "does he deserve you?"

    Your profile picture showing yourself in a wedding dress would make it clear to a blind man what your ultimate desire is. I suspect he was quite aware of this. You've gone to some extraordinary lengths to get yourself ready for life, joining the USAF is a pretty serious commitment. I think what you should do is to take your time in the service seriously, get as much out of it as you can, and when you go back to college after your hitch you'll be a self-sufficient, squared away young lady and will find that quite a few young troops in the same position as you are more than willing to treat you with the respect that you deserve.

    Save your money, live in the barracks, earn some stripes, and do your time honorably. When you get out, get a car, enroll in school, and finish your education. I think when you see this guy again you'll see him quite differently than you do now; a mama's boy civilian wimp that can't make it in this world on his own. Now get your young rear moving before I have to dust off my uniform and Smoky Bear hat and give you some motivation! Move move move! ;)

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    • Good question! Maybe in the future I can begin to see him that way. Love your response. lol

  • the answer to your final question:

    yea he probably would, but by that time you would realize that you could do much better than him

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  • It's quite clear that he has no intention of getting back with you now.

    You should start seeking for a new guy.

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    • There is a part of me that feels once I'm driving again and he is finally out of his parents house and working our relationship would work a second time around. I really believe that the timing of the relationship ruined us. Could you prove me wrong? lol I know I wouldn't have trouble finding a guy but I still feel there's a chance between us.

What Girls Said 1

  • Girl, I'm going to suggest you watch Legally Blonde. If you haven't watched it, go watch it. I think you'll really understand where Elle Woods is coming from. Not because of her lavish lifestyle, but because she thinks she needs to change herself to keep a certain guy. I don't understand how he thinks he's taking care of you. I mean, really? You sound like you got your sh*t, itleast the major stuff, together. You're in the army, you're working ... saving money towards a goal.

    You don't need ot be confused by this. What is your gut telling you? In the middle of your post you give prime examples of why your lame ass ex is wrong about you. And I think you're argued your point very well! He thinks you need to get your act together because you don't drive? ,WTF? That's insane. I hope he actually starts going out with a crazy girl who really does expect everything from him, then he'll actually understand what that is.

    But you need to step away from this. It hurts now, I know. But him breaking up with you was a blessing in disguise. Do you really want to be with someone who makes you think that you're not good enough? Really? It sounds like he is always beating you down instead of encouraging or lighting you up. You deserve better, and I really suggest you try to find a man who sees your worth. Not one who makes you feel like crap over trivial matters.

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    • lol! Thank you! I actually did watch the movie again. I forgot how good it was. I'm hoping the next girl he dates does shake some sense in to him. The world isn't perfect.

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