Ex finally broke the no contact rule? What to do?

I feel sick to my stomach right now... My ex and I dated for a year and four months. Our relationship was almost perfect, with little to no arguments. But one night we got into a fight. I tried not to let it escalate but he kept getting angrier. He was telling me how I needed to put more effort in the relationship (even though I did more than him) and saying that I thought I was so much better than him. When I realized there was no way to calm him down, I quietly asked if he wanted to break up with me. He said yes and it was over. My heart felt torn to pieces. I messaged him the next day asking how he was doing, and mentioning how hard this was for me. He then told me that he was just fine and didn't feel sad at all walking away from the relationship. That shattered my heart even more of course... I finally decided I wouldn't contact him anymore. Last week though, I checked his fb profile briefly on my sister's account only to find him seemingly to be with another girl. And now last night he finally messaged me after two months. I was cordial, and we made small talk for a little bit. He apologized for the way things ended. Not wanting to seem so eager to talk to him, I ended the conversation fairly quick. But now I can't stop thinking about him... My question is, what does him messaging me again mean? And what should I do about it? Thanks.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Dear Candy:

    It's a shame young men don't learn relationship skills from their mothers like they learn things from their fathers. I think Marty is right when he says he probably wanted to pursue someone else but now that he's done that, he's remembering how good it was with you.

    His rough breakup with you was out of ignorance in how to handle a mature relationship, I've seen so many young girls and guys treat the other like crap until they finally build up the nerve to admit what their real agenda is. You cut it short by asking the question that he was afraid to say - that speaks well of your maturity - you could see what he was striving for.

    As far as getting back with this guy, I think he probably has a few more years to go before he is fit to be in a serious relationship. He was descent enough to at least end things with you before he started with her (I hope) but he still has a lot to learn about caring for another person. Perhaps maintain a friendship with him - not an FWB - and perhaps after a couple of years he might grow up a bit. I would however recommend you date around quite a bit in the interim. Go on lots of dates with a lot of guys, never date the same guy more than once consecutively, and get a feel for what you really like. Perhaps your old Boyfriend will look better or maybe you'll see that he really wasn't what you needed after all.

    You sound like a really sweet girl and I wish you the best of luck.

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What Guys Said 5

  • Most likely, he was provoking you to end the relationship because some little chippy was flirting with him..maybe he was too young to know what an exclusive relationship meant.

    But he isn't so heartless that he doesn't feel guilty about doing that to you, so he called you so he could feel better about himself.

    You did the right thing by being distant with him. You shoujld be downright angry with him..but I know that's difficult for you.

    No apology can make up for the way he treated you, imao.

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  • Don't get sucked back in. It's not worth it, especially if he says he had no regrets breaking up.

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  • His message meant that he thought another girl was better than you.

    He found out that she wasn't and wants to test the waters with you.

    The appropriate response would have been "f*** off" instead you gave him exactly what he wanted.

    Now you are thinking about him. Thinking about a relationship. He won.

    Ask yourself this, do you really want to be someones 2nd choice?

    Do you really want to be with someone who will run off again when the grass appears greener?

    He did it once and will do it again.

    Tell him to stop contacting you and block his number.

    Move on and find someone else to date.

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    • I'm not going to get back together with him. I do know that if we get back together he would do the same thing. And that's not going to happen. The reason I responded was because I wanted to show him I'm not so affected by him leaving me (even though I was). I didn't make it seem like I missed him. I haven't contacted him at all, and I don't plan on it. I want him to believe he has lost the game he's trying to play. So no, I don't think he has won.

  • i agree with escapedlunatic's answer, however I think that it's unfortunate that he doesn't mention that girls also act the same way

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    • Well, he did say that both girls and guys sometimes treat the other like crap.

  • It means that he wants to reconnect and get back the lost friendship that you once had.

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What Girls Said 2

  • He may have had a fight with his girlfriend.

    For myself - I have a tendency to contact my ex when I'm in a new situation that starts getting serious and I get scared.

    I wouldn't try to have a new relationship.

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  • He probably misses you and you should let him.

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