Am I overreacting? Should I cut my losses and move on?

Until 4 days ago, I have been in a relationship with a man I thought I was in for the long haul with (nearly 2 years so far). We've barely argued, and all our time spent together felt magical. The last thing I had been expecting was for any doubts to be raised at all. He has just told me that he is really stressed and worried about his future as he has just finished uni, and is struggling to find a job, and that he is experiencing my desire and excitement about our future as pressure. He said he wants to go on a break for up to a month, that he hates even calling it a break because he's 90% sure about wanting to get back together. He says he misses me, can't live without me and is broken by gambling with us, but needs to be alone for a few weeks and it's nothing personal. I have told him so many times that if he is trying to soften the blow that this uncertainty is worse than a break up, and to just break up with me would be kinder. He says that's not what he wants. Could this really just be a bit of a struggle he needs to deal with alone? Or should I tell him I refuse to wait and move on?


Most Helpful Girl

  • I'm going through the same exact thing... How I've been handling it:

    1. Letting him initiate all communication. He was the one who needed space...

    2. Let him know your feelings about it... that he's hurting you etc.

    3. Try to be positive whenever he does contact you to make it seem like you are OK with living your live without him, and also so he can associate good positive feelings with you.

    4. Don't pressure him with when you are going to get back together... just go with the flow and let it evolve naturally. (I'm struggling with this one).

    The only difference is that my boyfriend actually broke up with me so he wouldn't have the mental 'demands' of a relationship. He says for me not to read into as much and it's not about me or us because we are fine and will get back together. He just jumped into another relationship too quickly after his last one (of 5 years ended) and needs time to heal from that, plus work stress wasn't helping at all.

    I would do some soul searching so you can possibly try to pinpoint the reason why you think he needs some space and try to remedy it. Good luck! :)


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What Guys Said 2

  • Now let me get this straight, he says he wants to break up to have time to find a job? He sees your desire and excitement about the future as pressure? There is an old term that describes what he is telling you very well: bullsh*t.

    Any 22 year old guy that can interview all day and love all night has something wrong with him. Since you didn't make any mention of a physical issue, it is safe to assume that he's got something going on in his head. Him saying he's "90%" sure he'll come back is his wimpy way of saying "I'm giving myself an out." You can bet that his month apart will stretch into two months and then even longer. He'll make excuses forever until you finally figure out that he's ditched you and that he never had any intention of coming back.

    This sucks, but I think you were his college steady and now that he's got his degree, he wants to see what he can find now that he has a substantial salary potential. Let me guess, his degree should be paying him 6 figures in a couple of years? You were excited about getting married and having a family, he's excited about seeing what kind of girls he can pick up on with a Porsche.

    Dear, he's lost to you already. If you don't let him off the hook, he'll start treating you badly, not calling, being gone for extended periods, anything he can to try to wean you from him. He doesn't have the balls or maturity to be honest with you.

    Go ahead and give him his month away, in the long run it will save you a lot of grief. Get your tears out of the way now so that when the month is past he'll be surprised at how quickly you got over him. Then some day when he's with his gold-digging twit he can look back and realize what a complete fool he was.

  • He just need to have time. You should try to wait.


What Girls Said 2

  • give him all the time he needs but don't wait for him,party like a rock star,maybe then he will feel like he is losing u

  • it sounds to me like he just needs a reality check. and he's handling that himself. he wants to make sure his balls are still there, that he is still able to be an independent man.

    imo, as long as you know that its not a break to see other people, you should let him be. but if it were me id be a paranoid mess..