Is it ever worth it to settle for a fun casual sexual relationship with a friend?

When I first started hooking up with this guy he claimed to be single. We've never officially dated, but we have become pretty good friends, and our sexual chemistry is amazing.

What ended our fling was when he told me he was getting back together with his ex. We remained friends (without any benefits) while they were trying to work things out. After about 2 months he told me that it didn't work out with them. I didn't jump at the chance to get back with him, because I didn't quite trust it was over. I also noticed that his Facebook status went from single to "open" relationship.

All of our friends think of him as having lots of women. He is very flirty, and does get hit on often. I wouldn't consider myself jealous, but I don't like the idea of being a part of his "harem". Our friends also don't know about us, so conversations get awkward when they talk about his lady friends around me. He just smiles it off, and I swallow my annoyance.

Recently he's gotten super flirty with me, constantly texting & teasing me. He convinced me to go out for drinks one night, which of course lead to us being physical. During the night, we did talk about his relationship with his ex a little. He claimed that she has a boyfriend, but they will always be involved with each other. I told him that their situation seemed weird, but he kinda brushed it off.

He also mentioned that his ex would be attending a party that we were all going to, and so will some other women he's been seeing. He tells me that it will be uncomfortable when they all expect attention from him, so he plans to just ignore them all and hang out with his boys. He told this to me as if I was just a friend, not someone who is not really any different from those other ladies. I wonder if he's as honest with them as he is with me, which makes me uncomfortable. This was a party I was going to go to too, but I told him that I no longer wanted to. He thought I was overreacting, but how did he expect me to react to something like that? I know we're not exclusive, but I just don't like how casually he mentions seeing other women.

I think for both of us, we are into the excitement of the physical relationship, and there is also a comfort from us becoming friends as well, but his relationships with women are a hot mess! I don't want to be a part of any of it, but I get so easily sucked back into it because of how much I like the good parts of what we have.

Our sexual chemistry is through the roof. We have a lot of similar interests. It's easy for us to have conversations - sometimes finishing each others sentences. When things are good with us, all the ridiculous women-juggling seems worth accepting. I mean, were all technically single, right? I obviously don't see him as long term relationship material, so should I just go with the flow? It's hard form me to meet men who I feel this level of mutual excitement with. Is all the good worth the potential for drama?


Most Helpful Girl

  • Well I think the real issue here is that you both have different ideas of your current relationship is. I think you should talk to him about it. Tell him how you feel about him juggling you and all these ladies.

    You should be selfish when you consider this type of thing. I personally would not take the risk of having sex with him like that anymore. You might grow to like him more eventually. It's never good to think that the guy you're having sex with is probably having it with a lot of other girls. This guy sounds like a walking STD.

    I've been where you are before. I know it seems totally worth it, but in the end, it really isn't. It'll just turn out short term anyway, right? So what's the point of putting yourself out there like that.

    But I could be wrong, so good luck!

    • There's some really great advice in this response, so thanks. FYI, I do know his current std status is negative (believe me I thought about that!). This is definitely a short term thing, but it's already (unexpectedly for both of us) been almost a year on & off. I agree that there is a danger of me falling for him, which is my biggest fear. I wish I could just be selfish, & we could just use each other, but I'm not so convinced I can stay unattached. If we weren't friends, it would be easier .

    • Show All
    • believe me, I know. I taught sexual health for years. I'm not saying that makes me immune, but sexual health responsibility is something that I stay aware of.

    • great to hear

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • Yes, just go with the flow. After all, you just have him as a physical pleasure purposes guy.

    • Yes & No. I think the friendship makes it weirder. I do want him for physical pleasure purposes, and not for dating, but we are also friends. That makes me care a little more about him in general than I would about a completely casual fling. I feel a split between wanting to be his buddy, and wanting the physical. I like how going with the flow feels for now, but I don't trust how long it will stay fun & drama free. I'm already caring/thinking too much about all of this - maybe that's the problem

What Girls Said 1

  • Find another man for 'fun' activities if you can avoid him once and for all. I don't think he's a monagamous relationship type of guy.

    • i wish it were that easy! I also know, at least right now, that he's definitely not a monogamous guy. I guess I just expect a level of courtesy, even without monogamy, where he would avoid putting the women he's involved with in awkward positions. He loses a lot of respect points from me for that. But you're right, If I could find this kind of fun elsewhere, it would be easy to end this whole thing.

    • You're addicted to each other sexually. lol

    • what's funny is that we really do get along very well, just as friends, but I think you may be right. lol

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