Next steps with girl at work?

Hi everyone. Just looking for some perspectives on my current situation.

A little background first. I moved jobs almost a year ago and met a really nice girl there. she's extremely sweet and really quite gorgeous in my opinion anyway :-). I didn't do anything about it for ages because I thought it was just some daft crush that would pass plus I would rather avoid the workplace romance. Anyway we spent some time together in meetings and dealing with each other in the office (I'm in charge of IT and she's some web development thing for one of the organisations I look after so there's no direct daily interaction). So over the months we have one to one meetings etc and there's the usual signs of posture, enlarged pupils, laughing and so on. In the last few months I realized the crush wasn't going away so I stepped up things and we hung out in a group once a few weeks back. I then asked her out about a week later and she said OK.

This is where is all changes. Probably a mistake to be perfectly honest but the following day I was sorting something for her so sent an email just detailing what I had sorted and she comes back with the usual "thanks a lot blah blah blah :-)" so I think cool she only sends me smileys when I do something really dumb or flirty.

Anyway I digress. So I had to go away that afternoon so I say "are you around this morning so we can have a quick chat" Anyway no punishment for that she jus says sorry she's in meetings which is cool so I reply "thats cool just wanted to have a chat about what we were talking about last night" Doh! Mistake! but I got over excited.No response to that but later I sent her more info on what I sorted for her. Just forwarded on no grand gesture and I get a "thanks again!" response.

The weekend comes and goes and I'm up seeing a friend who does video editing that sits right next to her. (We just made a short movie for the festivals this year and my friend is my editor - the girl in question also agreed to be an extra in the movie without any argument). So the girl in question is chatting to some dude so I just carry on with my mate and when the girl is free I turn my attention to her. We start having a chat about the movie being released and we have a bit of a laugh until the girl that sits on the other side of my potential one comes back. At that time without word of warning she turns her back on me and starts typing an email. So I wait for a beat and nothing no re-engagement or anything. I say right well I'll talk to you later and leave.

Needless to say I was pissed. The following day I get in and m mate sends me an I.M. saying she knew I was pissed but just chill out cause the girl probably is just shy and doesn't want an audience. I send her an email saying something like "We can't really chat in the office due to privacy, here's my number let me know what you think about going out". Since then nothing at all. I know she was off on Friday there and was busy but what's the next play? is she playing hard to get?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Ah, I think she's reached the same conclusion you did at first..this isn't worth the problems that come with an office romance.

    Don't press her about this; she thinks it's for the best, and she's probably right. Stay friends, and maybe down the road, when one of you no longer is working at the same place...she might well entertain a thought or two about you.

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    • Cheers man. That's pretty much my take on it too. A few of my female friends think she's just playing games and/or taking the time to sort stuff in her own mind but I'm pretty sure that ship (if there ever was one) has sailed.

      The most annoying thing is the lack of any feedback. She's clearly not the person I thought she was if she doesn't have enough respect for me to tell me she's changed her mind.

    • She's just embarrassed and a little guilty about leading you on and then pulling back, so she doesn't want to talk to you about it.

      I wouldn't count that as a lack of respect for you, just a lack of courage, maybe, on her part.

    • Best Answer,no?

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  • It seems she's not really interested in you. You better seek a new girl now.

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